To resent being married to an introvert at Xmas

[JinglingGin]

I know IABU but at this time of year it really sucks. He’s ducked out of visiting any of my siblings and I know on Xmas day (I’m hosting my parents) he’ll skulk off upstairs for most of it and make minimal conversation at the table.
I get that all the socialising at this time of year is tough for introverts but I’m fed up of being the lone adult representative for our family unit at all things festive. It sucks. Tbh it does my nut in most of the year round but it’s brought into sharp focus at Xmas.

In fact having re-read your post op, I'm really annoyed on behalf of us introverts. Your husband is just a bit of an arse.

None of what you describe is introversion, it’s just bad manners, unless there is a ND element as well.

not everyone has to be ND. Some people can just be NT miserable twats.

I'm the most introverted person I know and love hosting. I just want people to leave after several hours, however, I regulate myself and would not be rude. Don't blame his introvertedness. Its something else.

I’m the introvert in this relationship so I thought when I saw your title you’d be talking about parties and going out meeting people. I’d hate all that tbh. But I love Christmas meeting up with family members, both his and mine. Of course it’s easier with my own family, but I enjoy time with the in laws as well, just maybe in smaller doses! I would never go upstairs and ignore any of them though.

I sympathise and understand op as my dp is the same. we've been together almost 25 years and when I was much younger when we were first together I was very much the same very shy and introverted. As I grew older (I'm now mid 40s) I have grown massively in confidence and really come out of my shell and I'm very much a people person dp on the other hand is still the same. I find it very awkward as he'll want to sit in the corner and not interact and can't get away quick enough whereas il want to be mixing and chatting have a laugh etc I always think people think he's a miserable bugger. I wish he was different and more of a social butterfly so to speak but suppose he'll never change now.

He sounds exceptionally poorly behaved, my friend's dh is like this except its selective social avoidance. He ducks out of sociaising with his wife's network but is OK with his own. I've started to ignore him now & weirdly he's started to seek me out to chat!🙄

I just give very limited answers to his questions because I don't have time for someone who is still actively rude to everyone. He even left his dd's 1st birthday party because he didn't want to socialise with his wife's guests. Just rude.

FFS. Does he think that introversion is a medical condition?
"You don't know what it's like" screams of excuse-making given the circumstances you describe.

Are you sure he's an introvert, & not just a misanthrope?

It's entirely possible to be introverted, but not act like a charmless git - in fact it's the norm, as I'm sure many introverted PP will be able to prove!

That's not introversion. I am an introvert and I am very sociable. It's just after a whole day with people I need the next day alone to recharge my batteries. Introversion is about where you get your energy from. Extroverts gain energy from being around others, introverts spend energy to be around others.

Your husband just sounds anti-social.

Another introvert here who doesn't agree that his introversion is the reason for his behaviour.
I have a family member like your DH, except that mine is an awful, self-centred, selfish person
Introverts are often quite good at socialising. I can be confident, chatty and funny, but it's tiring and I need time alone to recharge my batteries afterwards. And I can't do back to back social events all the time. Having said that, Christmas is different, I put myself out and make an effort, then collapse in a heap for a few days!
There is more going on with your DH but not sure if it's anxiety or rudeness or something else. I wouldn't solely blame the introversion though.

I agree this isn't introversion. It's actually really rude.

This is not what being an introvert means. He is poorly behaved and rude.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/smarter-living/adults-guide-to-social-skills.amp.html

He's not an introvert, he lacks social communication skills.

I’m exactly the same and could equally have written this.

@Rockbird How is socialising upsetting for you? I feel the same sometimes, just curious how it’s upsetting for you, what happens?

I'm the most extreme introvert I know. I work alone every day, I prefer never to see people, including friends, and I keep social interactions to an absolute minimum. I'm really, really happy like that.

However! I also have very good social skills. I doubt any of DH's family know I'm like this, as I'm good at being fun, engaged, hold my end of the convo and so on.

The introversion bit is where I cannot speak for about 18 hours afterwards and don't leave the house for a week afterwards while I recharge.

Your DP may well be an introvert, but I suspect there's something else going on there as well. Being an introvert is still no excuse for poor manners.

As a pp said, that isn't introversion, that's being a misanthrope. If you are like that you don't get married!

I don't think this is introverted, it's just really rude.

Is he a computer game addict or something that he's trying to steal time for? It sounds more like he's stealing time for something than just being introverted to me.

DH and I are both pretty introverted. We show up to stuff. We come home and disappear into different corners of the house after, or when the visitors have gone; but we show up.

Do you have kids? When you talk of lone adult, that seems to suggest there are non-adults? If so he's doubly shirking parenting duties.

Being an introvert is no excuse for lack of manners/social graces. Leaving you alone with everyone is rude and unwelcoming. Preventing you from meeting with other people selfish at best, manipulative at worst.

I suggest you stop allowing him to isolate you, if he really doesn’t care about Christmas as he says, if he cannot bother to make the effort when meeting people, leave him at home and bring him a plate with food from the party, that way he doesn’t make people uncomfortable.

@JinglingGin

he doesn’t sound introverted

he sounds rude

My daughter (17) is an introvert. She's totally content in her own company and is not really that interested in friends, though she has a few at school.
One of them had a birthday dinner out at a restaurant in London. My daughter enjoyed herself but when she got home said 'that's my socialising done now for six months'!
But even she could put a smile on her face and talk to people if the occasion requires.

@JinglingGin
Mabe you need a new partner ?

This