To point out his lack of personal hygiene...

[VixenCometCupid]

I've been in a relationship for a few months, and there is something that has got progressively worse.

Personal hygiene.

At first he smelled great, always showered, cleaned his teeth, wore aftershave etc.

Over the past month I would say, he's seized to do all of the above. He smells so bad I have to air the room when he leaves. He will go to bed in his clothes and wear them the next day. His hands are black like he's been working all day. Greasy hair, awful breath, body odour, the worst smelling feet!!

It puts me off so much, I'm only attracted to him when he's fresh out the shower in clean clothes.

How can someone be like that? It makes me feel physically sick. He also is constantly 'phlegming' so breathes in his snot and swallows it. I've told him to stop so many times but it's almost like a habit, or he says he 'has a cold'.

Even writing this my stomach is turning, and I'm sorry if I've put you off your breakfast.

What do say to him? I've not been spending time with him as much recently, and sex isn't happening. I'm really attracted to him when he's clean as he it's an extremely good looking bloke. But he's just let himself completely go.
I'm at my wits end, I can't cope with it anymore.
Help!!!

Tell the filthy 'aporth that he needs to start washing and taking care of himself, otherwise you're done.

Only a few months in? I’d end the relationship that’s so grim.

If he’s like this in the honeymoon stage then there is no way he’d keep up the hygiene a few years in.

Maybe try just spending time with him in the Metaverse so you can apply any odour you like?

You are not obligated to re-program this pig. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Wow I consider myself fairly slobby but that made me feel queasy to read. I can't really imagine why someone would be so averse to basic levels of hygiene (can't be that pleasant for him either). If this was my husband of 20 years I'd definitely be supporting him and trying to figure out what was up but a few months into a relationship I think this would kill my attraction stone dead.

End it, tell him why. I agree it's not your responsibility to reprogram him.

Reader, I did a snort-laugh in the office.

Why are you still with him?

If he shows this much contempt after 2 months he’ll not be any better in 10 years.

throw him back.

The only issue here is that, incredulously, you're still seeing him. What on earth are you doing? He should be a distant memory by now. Raise the bar.

A few months? Time to let him go.

Dump him, yuk. If he's comfortable doing that after a few months then God knows how he would be in a few years. Good looking or not, he's gross.

Mate, it's only been a few months. If he's let his standards slide this quickly, what do you think it would be like in a few years? He doesn't care what you think, he's not trying anymore after a few months, that's what he thinks you're worth.

Ok so, I fibbed a little.

It's actually been 3 years. I didn't say that initially as didn't want to yield nasty responses.

I know he has depression and intense anxiety, but I know a lot of people who suffer with mental health who still maintain a basic level of personal hygiene.

I find on the days I'm struggling, if I bathe, shave everything from the eyebrows down, moisturise and do a face mask it does make me feel a lot better.

I always say have you cleaned your teeth or worn deodorant, I encourage him to shower.

We don't live together.

If you’re having to prompt him on basic hygiene, it’s more of a carer or mother child type relationship.

🤷‍♀️ Either you can live with it, or you can’t. I can’t imagine it, I wouldn’t, but I’m not you. At a minimum he needs to get help. Is he? I assume he’s not working? He couldn’t possibly, with that level of hygiene no one would come near him.

No adult should be ‘encouraged’ to shower or clean their teeth by their partner.

Very off that he's changed this badly only after a few months. Perhaps he's always been like this then and just cleaned up for you during the first few weeks/months.

Unless you don't mind being the mother/hygiene reminder in this relationship from now till wheneve, I'll chuck this one up to "It was fun while it lasted" and leave.

Very off = odd.

Why do you accept this?

I couldn't bear this. Even now i know itvhas been 3 years , i wouldxstill break up with him.

There is literally no reason to stay. That’s repulsive especially so early on in the relationship when you’re still making an effort around each other.

I would dump him personally, I deplore poor hygiene in men and you will get urinary tract infections if you have sex with him.
The trouble is as I found out with my ex husband, if they are unhygienic so early in the relationship you can expect continuing laziness as he gets more familiar with you and even lazier.
My ex started off ok and within months was dirty and smelly and after a few years I couldn't even get in a car with him as his breath stank so badly. I'd told him hundreds of times and he refused to change his habits.

Even being three years you don't have to put up with it, you're not an emotional support animal or his mum.

I've had relatives with mental health issues that felt they could treat people however they wanted and it's made me quite hard. Having depression doesn't mean he gets to have contempt for you.

3 years - definitely dump.

Op, I know everyone is different and depression affects everyone differently but I have also been with my dp for 3 years and he struggles with depression and anxiety too (don't live together). Even on his worst days he will shower and use deodorant (especially if he know he will be in the company of others, including me).