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AIBU?

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Original poster

To point out his lack of personal hygiene...

145 replies

VixenCometCupid · 22/12/2022 09:57

I've been in a relationship for a few months, and there is something that has got progressively worse.

Personal hygiene.

At first he smelled great, always showered, cleaned his teeth, wore aftershave etc.

Over the past month I would say, he's seized to do all of the above. He smells so bad I have to air the room when he leaves. He will go to bed in his clothes and wear them the next day. His hands are black like he's been working all day. Greasy hair, awful breath, body odour, the worst smelling feet!!

It puts me off so much, I'm only attracted to him when he's fresh out the shower in clean clothes.

How can someone be like that? It makes me feel physically sick. He also is constantly 'phlegming' so breathes in his snot and swallows it. I've told him to stop so many times but it's almost like a habit, or he says he 'has a cold'.

Even writing this my stomach is turning, and I'm sorry if I've put you off your breakfast.

What do say to him? I've not been spending time with him as much recently, and sex isn't happening. I'm really attracted to him when he's clean as he it's an extremely good looking bloke. But he's just let himself completely go.
I'm at my wits end, I can't cope with it anymore.
Help!!!

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 22/12/2022 18:42

you could get a job as a support worker, and earn some extra money at w/e and evenings.
don't waste your dignity or your social/personal life in this situation.
i knew someone whose job for one client was picking up all the discarded takeaway wrappings and other litter which was just left where it fell.
that was once a week, one hour, arranged and paid for by nhs.
you need an equal for a friend or partner.
not this unhealthy dynamic.

Emmamoo89 · 22/12/2022 18:49

Some really nasty people on here. Who obviously don't have mental health issues so don't have a clue what he's going through. Support Jim wether as a partner or a friend.

Emmamoo89 · 22/12/2022 18:50

Him*

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 22/12/2022 21:30

Emmamoo89 · 22/12/2022 18:49

Some really nasty people on here. Who obviously don't have mental health issues so don't have a clue what he's going through. Support Jim wether as a partner or a friend.

OP has put up with her partner being greasy and smelly for 2 years, I think she's done enough.

dolor · 22/12/2022 21:35

Yeah that's revolting, I wouldn't like that.

Get rid.

thewinterwitch · 22/12/2022 22:12

He will go to bed in his clothes and wear them the next day. His hands are black like he's been working all day. Greasy hair, awful breath, body odour, the worst smelling feet!!

Goodness, you found Heathcliff? I've been searching for him for years!

Original poster
VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:31

Can we all just take a moment and imagine if I was a man writing this about my girlfriend.

Would the response be the same?

I don't believe anyone can be that much in denial about their personal hygiene, depression or not, especially when it has been pointed out on a number of occasions.

It's unfair apart from anything else, when he comes round he has to leave his shoes outside because they smell that badly. Not even joking.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 09:33

Goodness me.
Dump him sharpish.
That is so so grim.

butterfliedtwo · 23/12/2022 09:34

VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:31

Can we all just take a moment and imagine if I was a man writing this about my girlfriend.

Would the response be the same?

I don't believe anyone can be that much in denial about their personal hygiene, depression or not, especially when it has been pointed out on a number of occasions.

It's unfair apart from anything else, when he comes round he has to leave his shoes outside because they smell that badly. Not even joking.

FGS, just leave. Its gross.

Original poster
VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:34

Also I sometimes avoid kissing him.
There was an occasion where the kiss tasted like...snot. I can only put this down to the constant hocking. Every time he does it I get angry, he puts it down to a cold. No one can possibly have a cold for 3 years.

This man needs to go on snog marry cremate.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 09:34

VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:31

Can we all just take a moment and imagine if I was a man writing this about my girlfriend.

Would the response be the same?

I don't believe anyone can be that much in denial about their personal hygiene, depression or not, especially when it has been pointed out on a number of occasions.

It's unfair apart from anything else, when he comes round he has to leave his shoes outside because they smell that badly. Not even joking.

OP, you have the right to have your own standards and boundaries.

He has the right not to have to meet them.

If you can’t live with it, then don’t!

I wouldn’t. How can you touch him, or kiss him?!

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 09:35

VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:34

Also I sometimes avoid kissing him.
There was an occasion where the kiss tasted like...snot. I can only put this down to the constant hocking. Every time he does it I get angry, he puts it down to a cold. No one can possibly have a cold for 3 years.

This man needs to go on snog marry cremate.

🤮🤮🤮

Are you trolling? This can’t be real surely.

Original poster
VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:36

@Quincythequince I may be a little OCD but his personal hygiene and the way he smells affects my mood. If he's clean and smells great I'm attracted to him and feel good. If he hasn't washed I feel repulsed and don't even want to go near him.

OP posts:
Original poster
VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:37

@Quincythequince I swear to god I am not trolling, the fact you think this is made up makes me question what the fuck im doing..

OP posts:
PenanceAdair · 23/12/2022 09:39

I don't understand what you're asking. Whether he's depressed or not is for him to deal with (and if you want, you can help) but the point most people are making here is that you have chosen to be with this person you seem to loathe because he's so filthy and smelly (by your own admission), for 2 years out of your 3.

The question is why have you been with him all these while? And why are you still with him now? What do you want posters to say to you?

You've had a variety of replies. Some have said leave him; Some have said help him; Others have said both; Some have said it's up to him if he wants to change.

I think this is what posters would say if it was a woman too.

It seems the choice is yours, isn't it?

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 09:40

VixenCometCupid · 23/12/2022 09:37

@Quincythequince I swear to god I am not trolling, the fact you think this is made up makes me question what the fuck im doing..

He is disgusting and has at best has no self respect, at worst has other issues. None of these are your problem given he is not unlike a walking biohazard bin.

How can you touch him, or even be near him?

OMG…

I can’t believe I am reading this, nor that a person would be intimate with someone who presents this way.

OP, you can do better

JeezLouiseErrrr · 23/12/2022 09:45

Why are you asking if this was a guy posting about his gf, @VixenCometCupid ?

JeezLouiseErrrr · 23/12/2022 09:49

@VixenCometCupid You keep telling us graphic disgusting repulsive things about him and you really needn't we got the gist from the first op meanwhile you neglect to face up to why you have been putting up with this for so long. His mental illness might be why he is neglecting his basic hygiene but what is your excuse for accepting this? Low self esteem? Do you really think you can't do better than an unhygienic boyfriend who still lives with his mother?

Banjaxx · 23/12/2022 09:49

Christ alive, I just retched reading your post about kissing him and tasting snot, why in the name of all that is holy are you still tolerating any of this? He lives with his mum? Can’t wear clean clothes because he doesn’t have any clean? Smells so bad you have to air rooms after he’s been . Come on op, have some self respect… what’s the long term goal here? Life partner? Are you going to live together? Have kids together??? If you’re happy living in a sess pit and not being able to go out anywhere without being mortified or you kids getting bullied and not being able to invite friends over for the shame crack on. Plus if you think he’ll ever support you when you’re ill or financially I trouble when he can’t even be arsed to wash his hands good luck

butterfliedtwo · 23/12/2022 09:49

JeezLouiseErrrr · 23/12/2022 09:49

@VixenCometCupid You keep telling us graphic disgusting repulsive things about him and you really needn't we got the gist from the first op meanwhile you neglect to face up to why you have been putting up with this for so long. His mental illness might be why he is neglecting his basic hygiene but what is your excuse for accepting this? Low self esteem? Do you really think you can't do better than an unhygienic boyfriend who still lives with his mother?

This a million times.

BrioLover · 23/12/2022 09:54

He's been like this for 2 YEARS. He is still in denial. Doesn't give a shit about your feelings or your home (if he did he would have the respect to wash or at the very least brush his teeth before seeing you).

Stop waiting for him. For your mental health. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. This is not it

FiveShelties · 23/12/2022 09:58

You cannot be serious, has to be a wind up.

No-one would put up with this, let alone admit to putting up with it. It gets worse with every post.

Ackity · 23/12/2022 10:24

This genuinely can’t be real.

the smell of my husbands gym kit is revolting. I have to wash it twice to get rid of the smell. But he himself doesn’t smell like that (because he showers before coming home). If he did I wouldn’t go near him. The fact you are kissing this man says a lot about you.

Sceptre86 · 23/12/2022 10:34

You keep going on and on about how is hygiene is abhorrent and you don't want to kiss him, no sex etc. Why aren't you responding to anyone who tells you to leave him? If you want to rant but do nothing about it then crack on but I was under he impression posting on aibu was so you'd get a measure of whether you are and actually take some sort of action?

dcut · 23/12/2022 10:59

Can we all just take a moment and imagine if I was a man writing this about my girlfriend
Would the response be the same?

Oh FFS. Why does this have to happen on every fucking thread? It's beyond annoying. I don't even know why you are asking this OP.
Totally irrelevant because you are not a man writing about your girlfriend unless you are suddenly going to pop up and say "oh sorry I fibbed a bit, I'm actually and man and my gf has poor personal hygiene".

Anyway, I'm beginning to think this is all utter nonsense. You took it too far with the snot thing.