To point out his lack of personal hygiene...

[VixenCometCupid]

I've been in a relationship for a few months, and there is something that has got progressively worse.

Personal hygiene.

At first he smelled great, always showered, cleaned his teeth, wore aftershave etc.

Over the past month I would say, he's seized to do all of the above. He smells so bad I have to air the room when he leaves. He will go to bed in his clothes and wear them the next day. His hands are black like he's been working all day. Greasy hair, awful breath, body odour, the worst smelling feet!!

It puts me off so much, I'm only attracted to him when he's fresh out the shower in clean clothes.

How can someone be like that? It makes me feel physically sick. He also is constantly 'phlegming' so breathes in his snot and swallows it. I've told him to stop so many times but it's almost like a habit, or he says he 'has a cold'.

Even writing this my stomach is turning, and I'm sorry if I've put you off your breakfast.

What do say to him? I've not been spending time with him as much recently, and sex isn't happening. I'm really attracted to him when he's clean as he it's an extremely good looking bloke. But he's just let himself completely go.
I'm at my wits end, I can't cope with it anymore.
Help!!!

Because I think I'm in a trauma bond

He isn't anymore, but he used to be extremely emotionally abusive. I moved out on my own. It's been a difficult cycle ever since. Whenever I have tried to cut ties in the past really bad things have happened.

You can all have a go at me for graphic detail but it's my reality unfortunately.

The reason I don't point out the issue in my OP is his possible reaction.

Do you not think you deserve better than this OP?

I’d be stepping right out of that brief relationship - it’s not going to get better. Only worse

@Blocked I know I deserve better, but it's almost like I'm attached to him by an indestructible wire. It's pathetic to a reader and it's easy to judge and say leave him but it's not really as simple as that.

Can I ask what you mean by you're 'in a trauma bond' and when you try to leave, really bad things happen?

Can you expand on that?

Have you tried counselling, it might help you to figure out how to break this.

What do say to him?

"This relationship isn't working any more"

You have very low boundaries and need to examine why this is the case.

How would he know you're posting? Does he have access to your computer?

Well, that depends. Would the man writing about his filthy girlfriend lie about the time he'd been involved with her in his OP?

Would he then wring his hands and sulk and complain he has no agency in this situation?

This man sounds revolting, you cannot seem to get him to raise his standards, and yet somehow the responses on this thread, which you confused by lying about the time you have been involved with him, are at fault. Not you.

Nobody can "fix" him/clean him up from the other side of a screen. If you've been prepared to put up with it for this long, then I expect you will just carry on. Did you just want a chorus of "He's a pig!"?

Put down some boundaries around his personal hygiene, let him know what the consequences are if he lapses. Help him seek support for his mental health. Leave/end it. Those are your options.

Why don't you just... dump him?

What's the point of this? 3 years on and you don't live together and he sounds disgusting. Tasting snot when you have kissed him I nearly threw up. I couldn't have sex with someone after that that would totally kill it.

What difference would it make to you? You keep saying no one can be in that much denial. Maybe he's not in denial, maybe he just doesn't care, it doesn't really matter. It's been three years and you don't live with him. Respectfully, it's not like you live together and have kids and it's very hard to leave.

Just.... Don't see him again. It's starting to sound like you enjoy complaining about it

Actually, it really is as simple as that. You are the only one making leaving him a problem. You aren't married, don't live together, you can end that shit with a text message.

Sadly, you're the maker of your own misery at this point.

Ok op, just read your update that he’s been emotionally abusive and you have a trauma bond to him. You need to seek help to leave this relationship. You are not gaining anything positive for yourself by staying and he’s not your responsibility so you don’t have to stay with him for fear of bad things happening.

get counselling for your self and learn how to build your confidence and self esteem back up. You deserve more, you really do.

I wish you a peaceful Christmas and strength to heal.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂brilliant!

With the new information about his abusiveness, I think he's doing this to "punish" you. And I want you to consider what kind of person, an adult, would let themselves be disgusting to impact someone they're supposed to love.

Now, it can be hard to fully absorb "I deserve better" when mental things are involved. So think of it this way: Does this kind of person deserve to be rewarded for this kind of behavior? You will never be as young as you are right now. What has he done to earn this time? Try to move from that point.

It's a big world full of endless possibilities, I promise. Best of luck.

I'd honestly get rid, it's not a great sign so early in the relationship. You can do so much better!

Can you explain why you feel you can't just end the relationship OP? Are you worried he'll top himself or something? If that's the case, let me tell you here and now that you ARE NOT responsible for his well being, and should at this stage, stop ALL contact, block him on everything, and move on. This relationship isn't going anywhere, so please stop wasting your life on someone who clearly isn't prepared to help himself.

well this has certainly been a drip feed.

it's not your job to look after this man, and as someone who has been trauma bonded, it's entirely possible to get out of such a relationship.

To be blunt, he sounds absolutely disgusting and now you've told us more, you need to DUMP HIM. If he engages in any emotional blackmail or threatens you, then you need to call the police. You don't need us to tell you this has to end.