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Original poster

To point out his lack of personal hygiene...

145 replies

VixenCometCupid · 22/12/2022 09:57

I've been in a relationship for a few months, and there is something that has got progressively worse.

Personal hygiene.

At first he smelled great, always showered, cleaned his teeth, wore aftershave etc.

Over the past month I would say, he's seized to do all of the above. He smells so bad I have to air the room when he leaves. He will go to bed in his clothes and wear them the next day. His hands are black like he's been working all day. Greasy hair, awful breath, body odour, the worst smelling feet!!

It puts me off so much, I'm only attracted to him when he's fresh out the shower in clean clothes.

How can someone be like that? It makes me feel physically sick. He also is constantly 'phlegming' so breathes in his snot and swallows it. I've told him to stop so many times but it's almost like a habit, or he says he 'has a cold'.

Even writing this my stomach is turning, and I'm sorry if I've put you off your breakfast.

What do say to him? I've not been spending time with him as much recently, and sex isn't happening. I'm really attracted to him when he's clean as he it's an extremely good looking bloke. But he's just let himself completely go.
I'm at my wits end, I can't cope with it anymore.
Help!!!

OP posts:
Montague22 · 22/12/2022 10:28

I’m not surprised your stomach is turning…I would walk away I think. I think it’s a totally valid reason to.
How can you stand him touching anything in your house with black hands, he’ll make you ill never mind being smelly!

The phlegm noise is a common tic so that might not be deliberate.

PenanceAdair · 22/12/2022 10:31

VixenCometCupid · 22/12/2022 10:13

Ok so, I fibbed a little.

It's actually been 3 years. I didn't say that initially as didn't want to yield nasty responses.

I know he has depression and intense anxiety, but I know a lot of people who suffer with mental health who still maintain a basic level of personal hygiene.

I find on the days I'm struggling, if I bathe, shave everything from the eyebrows down, moisturise and do a face mask it does make me feel a lot better.

I always say have you cleaned your teeth or worn deodorant, I encourage him to shower.

We don't live together.

Just seeing this.

If he hasn't always been like this, then that's different but he needs help then. You can't be the mum/hygiene reminder indefinitely, unless you want to.

For how long has he been like this? Does he take medication? Is he in therapy or is he known to the mental health services?

WildFlowerBees · 22/12/2022 10:33

After 3 years if it's been getting worse over a short period of time I'd be having a conversation with him and asking him how he is. If he has mental health issues this is a big flag he may not be in a good place.

If it's been like it a while and he's doing fine I'd let him know it's a dealbreaker and you need to part company.

OldTinHat · 22/12/2022 10:33

Are you dating my ex?!

Original poster
VixenCometCupid · 22/12/2022 10:34

@OldTinHat tell me more!!

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 10:36

You dump him. This is not acceptable.

Sonyrecording · 22/12/2022 10:38

FFS you've only been with him a few months! Dump him.

MassiveSalad22 · 22/12/2022 10:39

Don’t make this your problem. After 3 years I’d hope you’re at the point where yoj can be blunt. Id just tell him to sort it or I’m off.

GG1986 · 22/12/2022 10:43

If you've only been together a few months i would get rid, it is such a turn off and he clearly isn't making any effort for you.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/12/2022 10:44

If he has depression then he needs to see his GP for help. Either therapy or medication. If he refuses then there is your answer. Walk away.

Personally why would you stay, What future are you hoping for with him? If you want children then you need to have sex with him and his foul odours. However this has already turned into a mother/child relationship so that would turn me off for a start, plus knowing I would be a single parent even if I stayed with him. No, just no. There is no future.

ChrisTrepidation · 22/12/2022 10:46

Omg. A few months? Just dump him. He's disgusting!

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 22/12/2022 10:59

And you are allowing him in your house? In your bed?

I would be wanting to know why the sudden change (decline in MH perhaps?) but no way would I entertain this carry on

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2022 11:01

Why would you even consider having that in your bed?

Give it twenty years and he'll be painting the walls with his own shit and laughing at you.

RiverSkater · 22/12/2022 11:01

OP, it's not your job to fix this man.

Walk away.

Iamnotausername · 22/12/2022 11:09

It's a few months in and unless he is depressed or otherwise unable to look after himself, he has shown you what the future will be like.

Even if you tell him and he changes, it will be temporary and he will slip back into it. It's not like it's just one thing or a gradual thing over years.

Pinkdelight3 · 22/12/2022 11:27

It's actually been 3 years. I didn't say that initially as didn't want to yield nasty responses.

It's so weird to have done that. You're now just going to get loads of irrelevant replies saying it's only been a few months dump him. I don't see why a 3 year relationship would get nasty replies, it would just have given the right context.

RambamThankyouMam · 22/12/2022 11:36

Why would you lie in your opening post? That changes everything. Weirdly deceptive. If you'd posted the actual time you've been with this ape, you would have got more accurate answers.

butterfliedtwo · 22/12/2022 11:41

Aquamarine1029 · 22/12/2022 10:10

The only issue here is that, incredulously, you're still seeing him. What on earth are you doing? He should be a distant memory by now. Raise the bar.

Oh god, this. What are you thinking?

TheNoodlesIncident · 22/12/2022 11:42

Three months or three years, if he's been asked to sort the problem out and he hasn't, I'd be done.

I have chronic catarrh in the back of my throat/nose and it's awful, I wish I could get rid. But my hygiene is otherwise spot-on, because I can do something about that.

butterfliedtwo · 22/12/2022 11:43

RambamThankyouMam · 22/12/2022 11:36

Why would you lie in your opening post? That changes everything. Weirdly deceptive. If you'd posted the actual time you've been with this ape, you would have got more accurate answers.

Ugh. How annoying.

But I guess OP is better than me. I wouldn't have lasted 3 years.

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2022 11:44

Move on. He made the effort in the early stages but he’s not sufficiently into you to keep it up.

Newwardrobe · 22/12/2022 11:44

RambamThankyouMam · 22/12/2022 11:36

Why would you lie in your opening post? That changes everything. Weirdly deceptive. If you'd posted the actual time you've been with this ape, you would have got more accurate answers.

Yes , very deceptive and for no good reason.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 22/12/2022 11:45

Only a few months? You say ‘Bye’.

Southwig22 · 22/12/2022 11:47

What do you say to him?

"We are breaking up"

It doesn't matter why he is doing this, he's showing you who he is, and you don't like it. Show him the door.

icelolly12 · 22/12/2022 11:48

Ergh sorry but he sounds vile

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