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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? People often ask me, "do you celebrate Christmas"?

170 replies

July70 · 21/12/2022 19:34

WTF do they ask me and not the others in the office. Even my stupid clients do that. It's nothing new as I have it at school than less so at uni, and now had this at every place I've worked at. Even those stupid people that live in the close, some ask me.

We are not from the UK and tBH I was never offended but in recent days, possibly too many people being offended over everything and me getting older, should I be offended?

What I find even more offensive is when I tell them that we have always celebrated Christmas sine I can recall in the UK but only in the commercial sense like the vast majority in England, and some roll their eyes.

I know why they ask me, but am I being too sensitive now as I'm pretty sure the vast majority are not being offensive IMO?

OP posts:
nancydroo · 21/12/2022 19:37

It's a reasonable and respectful question if you're not Christian

ThinWomansBrain · 21/12/2022 19:44

it's something I might ask a colleague of a different race/religion - wishing someone happy christmas if they don't celebrate/mark the occasion seems rude.
Alternatively I go with a vague 'have a nice break"

vincettenoir · 21/12/2022 19:44

I think that they don’t want to be presumptuous and assume that you do.

crisscrosscringle · 21/12/2022 19:45

Yes, YABU - they are asking out of interest/respect/fear of offending.

shivawn · 21/12/2022 19:46

Sounds like you're just looking for something to get offended over.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 21/12/2022 19:46

Most people in the UK aren't Christian and never get asked. Presumably clients don't know she's not Christian anyway.

TheQueenOfHearts · 21/12/2022 19:48

Assuming everyone celebrates Christmas would be disrespectful, so I don't think you should get upset?

JamSandle · 21/12/2022 19:48

I think it's meant respectfully to be inclusive ie to not automatically assume everyone celebrates.

belowfrozen · 21/12/2022 19:48

Hence why in the states people just use 'happy holidays'

YellowTreeHouse · 21/12/2022 19:48

YABU. Stop trying to find things to be offended by.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:50

YABU. People are asking you so as NOT to offend you.

I have a Hindu colleague and I asked him this very question the other day. I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by giving him a card if he had said "no, it's not for me". For all I knew, it mightve been against his religion to celebrate Christmas.

If I was in India, people might ask me if I celebrated Diwali. It wouldn't be offensive to be asked this.

I don't know what people of other religions are taught about celebrating traditions belonging to other faiths. It may not be allowed.

girlmom21 · 21/12/2022 19:53

Because it's interesting to know what people from different cultures or countries do differently

LoopDiL00p · 21/12/2022 19:54

I'm Hindu, I have put Christmas lights on the front of my house, and have sent Christmas cards to all my neighbours. After receiving one of my cards, a neighbour asked me if I would be offended if they sent one back.

Fear of offending has replaced common sense in some cases.

Speedweed · 21/12/2022 19:55

I wouldn't assume anyone celebrated Christmas if they didn't mention it, regardless of their religion or race. They might well be white Christian and loathe it, so if they'd never mentioned Christmas anything, I'd begin by asking if they celebrated it. YABU.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:56

@LoopDiL00p I agree. As it happens I received a card from this colleague too, but I didn't know that when I asked him, otherwise I would have assumed he was fine with it.

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 19:56

People are being respectful.

Computersaysno123 · 21/12/2022 19:56

I'm Jewish and people ask me. I think it's respectful to not assume that I do. So guess depends if it's the colour of your skin or if people actually know you're not Christian

PearlclutchersInc · 21/12/2022 19:57

Ironically, they're probably trying not to offend you by assuming.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/12/2022 19:58

Your use of 'stupid' is very bizarre.

gogohmm · 21/12/2022 19:59

I would ask so I don't offend - i have known people who not only don't celebrate but actively avoid participating in Christmas related activities. You can't assume and if someone is from a non Christian background they may have strong feelings on the subject which you obviously do not

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/12/2022 20:05

They are being polite and trying to avoid causing offence.

Mamaneedsadrink · 21/12/2022 20:07

I get this too and I'm born in the country (so no accent, but I am brown). I find it annoying as pretty much everyone where I am celebrates Christmas as you say in the commercial sense, so it feels a bit like that question, but where are you reeeeaaallly from. I don't think it's intended this way, and people just don't want to presume so the intention is well meaning

CrapBucket · 21/12/2022 20:12

That sounds annoying to me, especially the judgement re commercial/religious. Everyone in the UK experiences Christmas, it sounds much less racist to say 'have you got much planned over Christmas' than 'do you celebrate Christmas [seeing as you have brown skin and all]'

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 20:16

@CrapBucket but it's not "seeing as you have brown skin and all", it's because I know he's Hindu!!!

If I had a white colleague who was Muslim, I would've asked them too.

If I knew he was Indian and Christian I wouldn't have asked because of course he would be celebrating Christmas.

SquashedSquashess · 21/12/2022 20:21

I actually agree it’s a wildly patronising question, albeit one which is usually “well intentioned”.

In a similar vein, a colleague recently told me I should refer to “the festive season”, rather than Christmas, which made me do a hard eye roll. The celebration is Christmas - whether you believe or not, whether you celebrate it or not, isn’t really relevant, that’s what the celebration is called. Christmas. And it’s fair to assume the majority of people in the UK mark it, either in a religious or (more often) secular sense.