Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wine Switch - petty or IANBU?

86 replies

Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 16:27

Two lovely women have cleaned my house for several years, they do a great job and we’re on friendly terms. Today I left out some extra money and a bottle of wine each, as a Christmas thank you. I came home a little earlier than expected, so they were still here. I noticed that the wine bottles were different! When I checked later, the original bottles I’d selected were back in the box so they had clearly switched the bottles - perhaps to a wine they preferred!

I was quite shocked and I think a little put out. It’s not the biggest deal in the world I know, but they do hold a trusted position and this seemed a little… untrustworthy. It was meant to be a nice thoughtful gesture which now feels a bit soured.

So…AIBU I’m thinking this wine switch was a little sneaky?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 21/12/2022 16:27

Was the value the same?

Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 16:28

It was a mixed case, all white, so I’m not entirely sure. I just picked out two bottles that looked nice.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/12/2022 16:29

It’s basically theft and I would be pretty cross about it

JoyfulGirl · 21/12/2022 16:29

That’s not on at all!

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/12/2022 16:30

Wow, that's very rude. You might have been keeping a favourite for yourself. I'd switch them back if they're still there!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/12/2022 16:30

That's really cheeky! I certainly have wine preferences but if I'm gifted a bottle of chardonnay I accept it graciously.

Where was the box? Might it have been simpler to say "please take a bottle each from this box" so they could pick what they like?

Either way, poor form on their part!

HIC2020 · 21/12/2022 16:32

I would be fuming. That's so rude and pretty ungrateful in mho. I thought you were going to say they had swapped the wine with each other, but to go into the case and swap is just not okay.

I'd speak to them about boundaries and what is/isn't appropriate in your home.

Suemademedoit · 21/12/2022 16:34

It is indeed attempted theft. They were trying to take something that didn’t belong to them. I would be terminating my relationship with them (and have done in the past for something similar, with a cleaning lady).

dontputitthere · 21/12/2022 16:35

That's theft.

Fuck that. Take the bottle of wine back and tell them not to come back in the new year

Toucan123 · 21/12/2022 16:37

They basically helped themselves to wine which wasn't meant for them. That's stealing. I would have a word with them if I were you. Something along the lines of "I'm taking back the wine you took which was meant for [my brother/my aunt/me]. If you don't like the wine I gave you then that's fine but don't help yourselves to something which isn't yours."

HomeAGnome · 21/12/2022 16:37

Swap them back and say thet weren't the ones you left out

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 21/12/2022 16:59

Its hardly stealing.

But i'd swap them back.

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 21/12/2022 16:59

I think it might depend on how everything was laid out as to how I'd think about what they'd done.

If the case with the rest of the bottles in was left open and on the same table as the two you selected and left out, and the two bottles weren't wrapped but just standing there with a post-it or something, I guess they might've thought you pulled out two at random as examples and it wouldn't matter if they swapped for a different one. I'd probably put it down to miscommunication of my intentions.

Whereas if the two bottles were wrapped or in gift bags with tags, and the rest of the case was closed back up and put in the garage/kitchen cupboard/utility room, then going rummaging for a better option would be clearly not what I intended and I wouldn't like it.

For situations between these two extremes, I guess I'd have to go back to my existing relationship with these two women to guide how I'd take it.

Mummybud · 21/12/2022 16:59

If they’ve worked for you for years and they do a good job and this is the first “issue” you’ve had, I’d keep quiet. It’s hard to find good cleaners and I’d rather have someone who does a cheeky wine swap than lose good help.

Justjoinedforthis · 21/12/2022 17:01

Could they have put them back in the box to clean and then taken back out thinking they were all the same?

Ducksinthebath · 21/12/2022 17:13

Mummybud · 21/12/2022 16:59

If they’ve worked for you for years and they do a good job and this is the first “issue” you’ve had, I’d keep quiet. It’s hard to find good cleaners and I’d rather have someone who does a cheeky wine swap than lose good help.

I agree. If they're otherwise good workers, reliable and trustworthy, don't ascribe to conspiracy what might be cock up.

Though I would also feel a little bit odd about it.

Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 17:15

So I left their bottles in a completely different room to the box of wine. They would have had to go into that room though, to get hoover, etc. it feels like they treated it as a bit of pick & mix.

this is the first issue I’ve had with them over 5/6 years. Good cleaners are like hens teeth, so although my initial reaction was to want to end the contract, I’m not sure if it’s enough to do that. Or perhaps, the value isn’t enough but the breach of trust is?

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/12/2022 17:19

Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 17:15

So I left their bottles in a completely different room to the box of wine. They would have had to go into that room though, to get hoover, etc. it feels like they treated it as a bit of pick & mix.

this is the first issue I’ve had with them over 5/6 years. Good cleaners are like hens teeth, so although my initial reaction was to want to end the contract, I’m not sure if it’s enough to do that. Or perhaps, the value isn’t enough but the breach of trust is?

I think in this case, I’d speak to them about it mentioning the trust aspect and saying you value them as cleaners.

If they apologised then I’d let it go but if not I’d seriously consider getting new cleaners.

Mumdiva99 · 21/12/2022 17:32

Sorry but I donthink they switched them at all. I think you, by mistake, left different ones out.

I do things that I can argue till I'm blue in the face I did X but the only thing that can have happened is Y.

Maybe you were rushing. Maybe you were distracted. But there is no way 2 great employees would do this and risk their job. Especially as you have always been happy before.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/12/2022 17:41

Mumdiva99 · 21/12/2022 17:32

Sorry but I donthink they switched them at all. I think you, by mistake, left different ones out.

I do things that I can argue till I'm blue in the face I did X but the only thing that can have happened is Y.

Maybe you were rushing. Maybe you were distracted. But there is no way 2 great employees would do this and risk their job. Especially as you have always been happy before.

You seem incredibly sure what two people you’ve never met would do.

Sonyrecording · 21/12/2022 17:46

Question is - what did you do? Swap it back?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 17:50

It just sounds odd to me. Is there anyone else you live with who might have swapped the bottles?

Merryoldgoat · 21/12/2022 17:52

I would ask them why they swapped them and go from there using that as an opening to start a conversation about not being very pleased as you’d selected that specifically.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/12/2022 17:54

I’ve had swapped them back for bottles of ketchup. Checkmate.

JuneOsborne · 21/12/2022 17:55

Mumdiva99 · 21/12/2022 17:32

Sorry but I donthink they switched them at all. I think you, by mistake, left different ones out.

I do things that I can argue till I'm blue in the face I did X but the only thing that can have happened is Y.

Maybe you were rushing. Maybe you were distracted. But there is no way 2 great employees would do this and risk their job. Especially as you have always been happy before.

Have we found one of your cleaners op???