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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wine Switch - petty or IANBU?

86 replies

Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 16:27

Two lovely women have cleaned my house for several years, they do a great job and we’re on friendly terms. Today I left out some extra money and a bottle of wine each, as a Christmas thank you. I came home a little earlier than expected, so they were still here. I noticed that the wine bottles were different! When I checked later, the original bottles I’d selected were back in the box so they had clearly switched the bottles - perhaps to a wine they preferred!

I was quite shocked and I think a little put out. It’s not the biggest deal in the world I know, but they do hold a trusted position and this seemed a little… untrustworthy. It was meant to be a nice thoughtful gesture which now feels a bit soured.

So…AIBU I’m thinking this wine switch was a little sneaky?

OP posts:
Mummieslncorporated · 21/12/2022 19:30

Then I checked the box of wine to find the original bottles gone and two empty places where the other bottles had been

So are you saying they took two bottles each?

Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 19:31

VladmirsPoutine · 21/12/2022 19:03

If this is true what have you done or said to them about it?

At the moment nothing. I didn’t at the time, as explained in my last post. I am currently ruminating about whether or not to say anything or to let it go.

I try to be kind and compassionate and I know they’ve had a pretty rubbish time over the last couple of years. I do appreciate what they do for me (it was so lovely to come home to a clean house when I’ve been so busy with some really challenging work). I know what’s going on here - I’m hesitant about saying anything as I don’t want them to be upset, but that’s leaving me feeling pretty pissed off and taken advantage off, which I like even less.

OP posts:
Judgyjudgy · 21/12/2022 19:32

That's very rude, I find that quite appealing behaviour

Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 19:34

Mummieslncorporated · 21/12/2022 19:30

Then I checked the box of wine to find the original bottles gone and two empty places where the other bottles had been

So are you saying they took two bottles each?

Sorry, I worded that really badly (may have just had a large glass of that wine myself!).

it was a new case of wine this morning. I took two bottles out as gifts for them. They then switched to two other bottles from the same case, leaving two empty spaces.

I reckon they assumed I wouldn’t have noticed, but I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 19:35

wackamole · 21/12/2022 18:16

If they've really taken bottles from elsewhere in your house and switched them for the ones you clearly left as gifts, that's really odd. Fine if they switched with each other, or did anything they wanted with the bottles they were given, but not OK to take yours. Personally I probably wouldn't care which bottles they got, but helping themselves to non-gift bottles without asking, even though leaving something of apparent equal value, would make me wonder if I could trust them.

This is exactly it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 19:37

Flyingsatsuma · 21/12/2022 18:12

I am a cleaner. I would never have done this. I would be happy with any gift a client gave me. Though I wouldn’t expect one, it’s a lovely thought. You sound generous and I wouldn’t have abused your generosity.

Thank you so much 😊

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 19:37

Was there a vast difference between the different wines in the case - e.g. was it a mixed case of red and white? Just trying to understand why someone would bother.

ForestofD · 21/12/2022 19:38

That is cheeky. My OH carefully selected certain wines for a few friends as Christmas gifts when he ordered a wine box. (E.g. Bob loves Merlot etc)

You could drop her a message along those lines- 'I selected a certain wine as a gift for someone else and it's not there anymore; do you know what happened to it?'

girlmom21 · 21/12/2022 19:42

I'd have trust issues with them after this, personally.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/12/2022 19:48

ForestofD · 21/12/2022 19:38

That is cheeky. My OH carefully selected certain wines for a few friends as Christmas gifts when he ordered a wine box. (E.g. Bob loves Merlot etc)

You could drop her a message along those lines- 'I selected a certain wine as a gift for someone else and it's not there anymore; do you know what happened to it?'

You could drop her a message along those lines- 'I selected a certain wine as a gift for someone else and it's not there anymore; do you know what happened to it?

Don't word it like this because what if she says "Nope, not a clue" that leaves you at a dead end. Just text and explain that you 'noticed' they've swapped the bottles. The fact remains even if they're amazing cleaners this will always be niggling away at you and the longer you leave it the more absurd it gets to bring it up. Send a message, be calm about it and see where you land.

RunningFromInsanity · 21/12/2022 19:49

So it’s ballsy and ok for someone to steal a box of chocolates from a workplace (see other trending thread) but theft and sackable to swap a bottle of wine to an equal bottle of wine?

Cleaners really are assumed to be lesser people on MN.

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 19:50

I'd message and ask have the swapped the wine only you chose a really nice fancy one to give them and have realised you still have it.

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 19:50

RunningFromInsanity · 21/12/2022 19:49

So it’s ballsy and ok for someone to steal a box of chocolates from a workplace (see other trending thread) but theft and sackable to swap a bottle of wine to an equal bottle of wine?

Cleaners really are assumed to be lesser people on MN.

No I don't think that's on either.

DelurkingLawyer · 21/12/2022 19:52

I don’t think the value of what they were given versus what they changed it for is the point, really.

You might have had plans to give the identically priced merlot they swapped their bottles for, to someone else. It’s not for them to choose what gift they get given (unless you offer).

I also wouldn’t be overjoyed about them going into a room for a reason other than the reason they were meant to be there. Rummaging around in a box of bottles you had put out of their way in another room - no way.

Original poster
Swinewitch · 21/12/2022 19:55

RunningFromInsanity · 21/12/2022 19:49

So it’s ballsy and ok for someone to steal a box of chocolates from a workplace (see other trending thread) but theft and sackable to swap a bottle of wine to an equal bottle of wine?

Cleaners really are assumed to be lesser people on MN.

I think that’s unfair (on me anyway). For the last 5/6 years I have really valued & appreciated these two women. I have got them gifts when they’ve got married, had children, etc. When I am away I have never given them less hours, making sure they don’t miss out on being paid. I I have trusted them to come into my home, to have the keys for my home (maybe that’s the difference - it’s a place of work for them, but my safe/secure place for me?). I’ve recommended them to others as being trustworthy. I have always thought that they would respect that and not doing anything to bring that trust into question.

OP posts:
dontputitthere · 21/12/2022 19:58

Would you want them back in your house again thinking they are capable of rummaging in your property and taking what they want?

I think you have to say something. If you want to maintain the relationship it'll just eat away at you. If you don't I'd let them know so they have a chance to give their response. (Because I'm sure they'd be concerned about their reputation)

But it's so deliberate. You see two bottles next to your wage. You know that's for you. They can't claim confusion.

HollyDollyChristmas · 21/12/2022 19:58

Wrap them next time.

girlmom21 · 21/12/2022 20:00

RunningFromInsanity · 21/12/2022 19:49

So it’s ballsy and ok for someone to steal a box of chocolates from a workplace (see other trending thread) but theft and sackable to swap a bottle of wine to an equal bottle of wine?

Cleaners really are assumed to be lesser people on MN.

The other (fake) OP claimed that the colleague was taking home the teams chocolates that nobody else had opened on their last day before Christmas and told people that's what she was doing very openly.

This is very different. The wine is the OP's personal possession.

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 20:00

DelurkingLawyer · 21/12/2022 19:52

I don’t think the value of what they were given versus what they changed it for is the point, really.

You might have had plans to give the identically priced merlot they swapped their bottles for, to someone else. It’s not for them to choose what gift they get given (unless you offer).

I also wouldn’t be overjoyed about them going into a room for a reason other than the reason they were meant to be there. Rummaging around in a box of bottles you had put out of their way in another room - no way.

Yeah but I think it's a way of asking them that isn't YOU NICKED MY WINE. Just in case there is a random explanation and you want to hear what it is.

They must have swapped them though from what you said. So maybe merry Xmas you're fired

DelurkingLawyer · 21/12/2022 20:05

Ocrumbs · 21/12/2022 20:00

Yeah but I think it's a way of asking them that isn't YOU NICKED MY WINE. Just in case there is a random explanation and you want to hear what it is.

They must have swapped them though from what you said. So maybe merry Xmas you're fired

Show quote history

That wasn’t a reply to your suggestion about how to broach it with them.

It was in response to a few people saying “why are you bothered about them doing it if it was a mixed case with all the bottles the same cost”.

Scrumbleton · 21/12/2022 20:07

Another one here wondering if you were mistaken - it just sounds unlikely and odd. I wouldn't be too bothered about it TBH

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 21/12/2022 20:10

It wouldn't have bothered me to be honest.

HideousKinky · 21/12/2022 20:11

This would upset me too OP

Nevermind31 · 21/12/2022 20:16

I would ask them what happened, as they left the eine you left for them?
This gives them a chance to explain.
and then I would probably let them go.
i once let a good cleaner go because she took a roll of j-cloths - when I asked her where she put the she didn’t answer, but left a roll of (much inferior and cheaper) ones in their place the following week. I couldn’t have someone think it is on to take something from my house, hoping I wouldn’t notice.

KarmaStar · 21/12/2022 20:17

The story isn't quite as straightforward from poster's pov to advise as you could be mistaken,you could be so friendly they thought you wouldn't mind,they could have thought all the bottles were the exact same value...it's the two ladies you need to clarify with,get their side then post for advice.
but that's only mho.😀🍷🍷

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