Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Received this anonymous message re: H

401 replies

Blossom4538 · 21/12/2022 08:50

Hi, posted here for traffic. A little upset at the moment. I recieved this text message from
an anonymous sender today:-

“Why are you staying with xxxx. You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time”

Is it something doing the rounds or genuine? I’ve spoken to H and believe it’s not true and he’s not cheating. We do not have any sex life though and I could believe he’s bi-sexual.

They have my no and H’s name - shortened version which other people use, not me.

what the hell?!

OP posts:
forththeroast · 23/12/2022 12:59

A person wishing to remain anonymous might deliberately include a spelling mistake.

Fuwari · 23/12/2022 13:04

They don't want sex with each other, which is not the same thing as not wanting sex at all

Yep, I’m starting to see why this message may have been sent. I’m not sure either of you are truly happy. It does sound more like a very close friendship than a marriage.

SweetSakura · 23/12/2022 13:22

" I don’t work and don’t know how I’d cope as a single Mum"

I think this is what is making you not want to accept the inevitable.

No reason you can't be amicable separated co parents though.

Or just have an honest marriage where all cards are on the table.

But I think there are a lot of secrets to be dug up before you get there, and you both deserve honesty

fatsocatso · 23/12/2022 15:19

forththeroast · 23/12/2022 12:59

A person wishing to remain anonymous might deliberately include a spelling mistake.

Yep. Or indeed use a shortened name version that they don't use in real life.

fatsocatso · 23/12/2022 15:21

Honestly, though @Inkpotlover, if you had RRFT, I think you'd understand where @TitsInAbsentia was coming from. OP stated numerous times that the message was anonymous. There is no way for her to trace the number or reply to it.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 23/12/2022 15:51

I wish I could reply or trace!

@fatsocatso @forththeroast yep, I was wondering the same, it’s a likely possibility

OP posts:
WisherWood · 23/12/2022 16:25

It's also a bit frustrating when a thread has been running for two days and reached 10+ pages, if someone suggests the bleeding obvious. You've only got to have a quick flick through to work out the basics, and if it's not worth your time to do that, it's probably not worth you posting.

DontStopMeNow7 · 23/12/2022 23:26

Yes, indeed. I will be more frustrated if we don’t find out if OP’s H is gay or not! And either way who sent that goddam message.

I’m hooked! :-/

lifeinthehills · 23/12/2022 23:35

What's the nature of your work OP? Could someone have sent this out of spite? I once had a weird experience I won't outline here. I still don't know who was responsible (have a couple of suspicions, but could be totally wrong) but I know it was related.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 23/12/2022 23:58

I don’t work and have a very small, close circle of friends and a wider network of Mums which I know, some of which I’m a little out of contact with due to change of school and some new-ish Mum friends.

H works with a large team and is in contact with many people for his work. But they wouldn’t have my phone number.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 00:44

I just want honesty and happiness.

Are you happy?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 24/12/2022 01:31

Who knows:
about your sex life (you/he told them or they were told by someone you trusted)
your phone number (someone close or someone with access to DH's phone)
his shortened name?

The spelling error might narrow the list further.

If no-one, then perhaps it is someone who has had access to his phone (and so your number/his shortened name) and knows something about your DH's sex life. It is likely that this person has had a very close relationship with your DH

lifeinthehills · 24/12/2022 01:37

I wonder at the motivation of the sender. What is the purpose of this? What outsider actually cares whether your marriage is a sham or not if they don't have some sort of investment or interest in it? Weird.

ChopSuey2 · 24/12/2022 01:50

I can't help but wonder if it's someone who is interested in you/unhappy you have rejected then and now wants to destroy your relationship

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 24/12/2022 12:26

@lifeinthehills

Im thinking either:-
-someone interested in H
—Someone interested in me
—Someone who wants me to know the possible truth
or
-someone who is jealous and wants to destroy things between our family
…..someone who has my mobile no or managed to access it

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 24/12/2022 12:31

@ChopSuey2
I haven’t rejected anyone really, just maybe far far in the past before I was married, who would not know my current mobile no.

The person who I felt some chemistry with (nothing happened or was ever discussed) - but who I still have to see regularly…I don’t think he’d be bothered. He is also now happy with a newish partner and is very sweet…I can’t see him throwing this bombshell at us, especially just days before Xmas. He doesn’t know H well but does have to see him often too, can be awkward around us when H and I are together, but perhaps that’s because he’s picked up on my poss feelings a while back.

I will be chatting with H about things after Xmas I think. We do genuinely love each other - maybe it’s just platonically, but we have been together a long time and been through a lot/love our family

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 24/12/2022 12:42

@girlmom21 quite happy, not 100percent

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossom4538 · 28/12/2022 12:35

No more conversations yet, or messages, but it’s been hanging over me all Xmas.

OP posts:
Notaboutthebass · 28/12/2022 12:51

Sorry to hear this. Maybe they'll send another one as they'll think they've been unsuccessful and you'll get to the bottom of it.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 28/12/2022 13:55

Even though it was awful, I kind of hope so!

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 28/12/2022 14:08

his work may have access to your number as his next of kin?
horrible situation you are in op
glad there have been no more messages at least

Rainbowbub22 · 28/12/2022 14:47

Please treat your situation with caution. I was in a similar situation, would never have believed it of my DH for a single second but the web that unravelled was unbelievable. He was 100% not who I thought he was and had been lying to me for years, whilst being the most caring wonderful perfect man in the world, whom I'd never in a million years have expected to do anything bad to me. I hope your outcome is different to mine but please keep an open mind

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 29/12/2022 10:54

I did some digging and can’t find anything. Another chat with DH and I genuinely believe him. He can’t think of anyone who is interested in him like that, at all. We obviously do need to discuss our relationship further I think though.

So I wonder who on earth would do this.

OP posts:
labazslovesliving · 29/12/2022 10:57

scam or not it seems to have a nerve with you maybe time to re-evaluate your relationship

Willmafrockfit · 29/12/2022 11:54

one of your friends perhaps, trying to make you see sense.