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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say I’m a crap wife?

160 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 20/12/2022 22:19

Hubby came down with some flu like thing shivers and migraine yesterday. I got up with him at 2 in the morning and made him tea remedy with lemon oranges garlic. Stayed up with him until half 4. Baby woke up at 5 for bottle then again at 6 for nappy change. Then I was up at 8 put all the washing away got dressed and went food shopping with baby 2 older kids stayed with him.

Back home tidied up as they trashed the downstairs whilst I was out and then I done dinner for everyone. I feel like he wants me to nurse him back to health but at the end of the day I’ve got a million other things to do.

he lied in bed all day sleep and on his phone, all I asked of him was to take the 2 oldest upstairs to bed. They had already put their pyjamas on and done their teeth. He’s got so much energy to shout at me and sit on his phone for hours. But when I’m ill in bed he will ask me what’s for dinner and palm the baby of to me!!

AIBU? He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum because I don’t care about him and I’m not looking after him properly 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Aposterhasnoname · 21/12/2022 09:30

He’s going to tell his mum on you!

Surely that gives you the ick. My fanny would seal itself shut permanently if DH had ever said that to me, who wants to be married to a mummy’s boy.

July70 · 21/12/2022 09:32

Sorry, but do you love him? Being a wife is hard work, I know it as in my culture especially the older group, woman does almost everything. My OH has never really cooked other than boil an egg, heat his flakes in the mcro and microwaved tea - never washes up, irons, changes bed but recently des help with the hoovering and at times takes out the lawn mower fro me. We are used to it.

WaddleAway · 21/12/2022 09:37

July70 · 21/12/2022 09:32

Sorry, but do you love him? Being a wife is hard work, I know it as in my culture especially the older group, woman does almost everything. My OH has never really cooked other than boil an egg, heat his flakes in the mcro and microwaved tea - never washes up, irons, changes bed but recently des help with the hoovering and at times takes out the lawn mower fro me. We are used to it.

I love my husband. Im not his skivvy though (not that he expects me to be, thankfully).

RaRaRaspoutine · 21/12/2022 09:42

He can FO back to hs mum. What does he actually bring to the relationship?

ReneBumsWombats · 21/12/2022 09:43

Stayed up with him until half 4. Baby woke up at 5

Your husband woke up half an hour after you went back to bed?

He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum

Bet he is. Will she change his nappy before or after?

Seriously, this is one of the most pathetic things I've read on here and we all know what the competition is. It's worse than the twit who had a tantrum at his wife because he couldn't work out how to buy pants on a weekend. Just bin the big baby off. What's the fucking point of him?

Maray1967 · 21/12/2022 09:48

What on earth have I just read? This one has to take the prize for the most pathetic loser.
Why on earth did you stay up with him in the middle of the night? He’s an adult who has a bit of flu /bad cold!!
And he threatened to tell his mum ?!!!!!!!!!

Schnooze · 21/12/2022 09:53

You lost me when you said stayed up till 4 with him. I wouldn’t have done that and I don’t have young kids anymore.
Actually dh wouldn’t even have woken me to ask me to get him medication. He’d have just struggled down to get some himself. As would I.

what else unreasonable does he expect you to do when he’s well. I bet there is loads that you don’t even realise is unreasonable, if you questioned whether you are a bad wife in this post.

Nogbreaks · 21/12/2022 09:55

Tell him to grow the fuck up! He’s not a toddler even if he’s behaving like one.
if this was DW inwould make sure she had water, maybe some toast and check in her every few hours.
that’s it. You can’t magic him better.

Nogbreaks · 21/12/2022 09:56

‘He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum

Bet he is. Will she change his nappy before or after?’

if he’s interested, I know of a club night where this actually happens…

Unicorn717 · 21/12/2022 09:56

Why did you stay up with him half the night for a cold when you knew you had to get up with the kids and do everything the next day?

Tell his mum she is more than welcome to have him back. I doubt mummy would do half the stuff you have done for him.

Schnooze · 21/12/2022 09:59

Grown man daycare is closed.

😂

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2022 09:59

You got up at 2am to make him a cold remedy? Then stayed up with him half the night. You have created a rod for your own back I’m afraid! Stop treating him like another child, he’s a big boy! As for him telling his mum…hilarious - so what, tell her!

Hellybelly84 · 21/12/2022 09:59

What an absolute idiot (and thats being nice!). Why does your Husband need looking after as a grown man with a bug millions currently have? Why did you even get up with him in the night? Is he not capable of getting some medication for himself? Both myself and my Husband know that when we are ill, we dont have time for sympathy or looking after each other, as we are too busy looking after the kids/house and trying to keep everything going. What would he do if he was on his own? Probably call Mummy I imagine 🙈

Hohoholdthesherry · 21/12/2022 10:15

I'm going to guess that he's not just a dickhead when he's ill: amirite?

MsRosley · 21/12/2022 10:18

First thing I'd do is expose him to his mum himself, and ask her to come round and sort out her man-baby son because you've had enough of him.

themanwho · 21/12/2022 10:25

it all depends on how ill he actually is. i've had flu and been in bed unable to move, and unable to put kids to bed.

i've also felt like sh*t and gone to work, done the kids, and collapsed in bed early

if he can get up and move around he can still help out

Bluebellsand · 21/12/2022 10:35

You woke up for non emergency medication time, for an adult? I would support putting tablets and a bottle of water on the bedside table next to a sleeping adult. That they can self administer when they wake up.

I would welcome him calling his mum. She can come and take the kids out, while I squeeze a nap in. After being woken up by and actual baby and a man baby.

femfemlicious · 21/12/2022 10:42

Please stop having babies with this man. A lot of "men" are like this including my ex. Whatever their wife goes through is normal but they protect themselves so much. Stop digging yourself deeper into a hole. It's not going to get any better.

Rockingcloggs · 21/12/2022 10:44

You were very unreasonable to get up at all with him in the night for a bout of man flu. He's a fucking adult I'm assuming?

Let the dick head expose you (who even says that!!) to his mum and then ask her what part of raising her child to manhood she forgot to implement so you don't make the same mistake.

katseyes7 · 21/12/2022 11:12

I'd send him to his mum, OP, if he's sure she'd look after him better than you would. At least she doesn't have little ones to care for. Just a big baby.
I've had this virus for over a week. And believe me, he can't be that bad if he's wanting food and attention. I've been totally wiped out. Either horizontal on the sofa or in bed, sleeping about 14 hours a day.
And food? I have no appetite at all. I've been drinking a lot of water, juice and hot Ribena, but all l've eaten since Friday is a bowl of vegetable soup and a very small amount (about a quarter of a breakfast bowl) of porridge. My stomach is griping because l'm hungry but l honestly cannot face food.
If he's well enough to faff about on his phone and bother you, he's well enough to put the little ones to bed. Either tell him to go to his mum or say you'll go there with the children.
I'm on my own, with no one to look after me, and l'm probably old enough (I'm 64 with other health issues) to be his mother. I'm just getting on with it. He needs to get a grip.

Rachie1973 · 21/12/2022 11:18

Findyourneutralspace · 20/12/2022 22:31

Send him to his mum to look after him then!

That would be my plan too

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 21/12/2022 11:38

You are a good wife but I'd add that he is most definitely a crap husband.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 21/12/2022 11:41

Sorry, you don't get to be sick like that when you are a parent.

You've managed to marry an additional child to look after.

My husband has been sick this week and he has still managed to do nursery runs, washing, housework. Ive done him some favours like picked up a couple of his nursery runs and when hes looked ropey I have suggested he goes and lays down for a while.

He would never just fuck off and leave his responsibilities, because he is an adult.

OP. you are not a crap wife. You have a crap husband.

MelchiorsMistress · 21/12/2022 11:51

AIBU? He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum because I don’t care about him and I’m not looking after him properly 🤣🤣

I realise this was probably said lightheartedly, but the place it came from is so grossly unattractive it would give me the instant ick.

grazerl · 21/12/2022 12:04

Why were you up with him anyway? This is a grown man we're talking about! This is the first step of a controlling man. I was married to an abuser for over 20 years and this is the first thing he did in our relationship. He'd cough in the middle of the night and then wake up to go and pound ginger and mix up honey etc, taking me with him and training me to think that this is what I should do for him. Who the F does that. Strangely enough he didn't need any of that crap in the day. Eventually I found the strength to kick him out, I hope you do too