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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say I’m a crap wife?

160 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 20/12/2022 22:19

Hubby came down with some flu like thing shivers and migraine yesterday. I got up with him at 2 in the morning and made him tea remedy with lemon oranges garlic. Stayed up with him until half 4. Baby woke up at 5 for bottle then again at 6 for nappy change. Then I was up at 8 put all the washing away got dressed and went food shopping with baby 2 older kids stayed with him.

Back home tidied up as they trashed the downstairs whilst I was out and then I done dinner for everyone. I feel like he wants me to nurse him back to health but at the end of the day I’ve got a million other things to do.

he lied in bed all day sleep and on his phone, all I asked of him was to take the 2 oldest upstairs to bed. They had already put their pyjamas on and done their teeth. He’s got so much energy to shout at me and sit on his phone for hours. But when I’m ill in bed he will ask me what’s for dinner and palm the baby of to me!!

AIBU? He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum because I don’t care about him and I’m not looking after him properly 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Lady1576 · 21/12/2022 07:17

You had me at ‘up at 2-4am’ with him because he had a cold! He’s a total twat! Perhaps you should also come down with the same cold so he can compare directly how helpful he’d be for you!

tiggergoesbounce · 21/12/2022 07:25

Migraines and mobile phones dont really go together, so it cant be that bad.

You know you are not a bad wife, your DH is just a bit pathetic. And why on earth is he shouting at you.
I would send him to his mums for good if he thought that was acceptable.

saltofcelery · 21/12/2022 07:26

He sounds like a dream partner. If he is that poorly, he wouldn't be on his phone or watching TV so he must have a cold at best.

Not relevant but you sat up with him through the night? What for? The only reason I would sit up with my husband in the night is if he was about to pop his clogs.

Choconut · 21/12/2022 07:38

Get some night nurse, it'll help you/him sleep better when you're ill which will help you/him get better more quickly. Let that be your extent of looking after the man child - sitting up with him till 4am?? I've never heard the like of it.

litlealligator · 21/12/2022 07:42

The only thing that might go in his defence is that I have had a horrendous flu type bug the last few days and I was literally delirious all night. If he's not normally like this and you think he might just be out of it with a high fever then I'd forgive it. If he's normally like this though - get rid!

kingtamponthefurred · 21/12/2022 07:42

Aftersevens · 21/12/2022 00:01

“Expose you to his mum”!!!!!
What’s he going to say? “Mummy, she’s being mean to me”?
What a twat.

Perhaps his mum is the external assessor for the Surrendered Wife Diploma.

liveforsummer · 21/12/2022 07:48

Wtf, I'm shocked you even nursed the poor poppet through the night. The initial cup of tea fair enough - source him a couple of paracetamol. I'm a single leant of 13 years and no one has ever nursed me 😆. Let him expose all he likes. Hopefully she'll put him straight! How old are older DC though? I'd assume they could take themselves up to bed if over about 3 so maybe that was unnecessary if he was still feeling rubbish

TrufflesForBreakfast · 21/12/2022 07:51

What a pathetic prick.

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/12/2022 07:52

I’d let him she might have him back.

ButterflyOil · 21/12/2022 07:54

He’s a grown adult, it’s clearly not proper flu if he’s able to shout at you and sit about on his phone. Actual flu has you so wiped out you don’t know which way is up!

It’s nice to have someone look after you when you’re ill sometimes but you already did more than enough making him tea - why on earth did you need to stay up with him though for so long? Stroke his hair and say poor little baby?

upfucked · 21/12/2022 07:55

I don’t understand the sitting up with an ill adult. We would get each other a drink and pain killers if needed but other than that what is there to do?!
I’ve obviously stayed up with young children who can’t sleep and my watch TV most of the night 6 yr old who was in lots of pain and waiting operation next day to fix the issue. I’ve stayed up with elderly parents while waiting for an ambulance for one but for a cold or even worse flu. When I’ve had flu I just slept, got up had a glass of water a wee, some medicine and gone back to sleep.

TheYummyPatler · 21/12/2022 07:59

I’m actually amazed that anyone is getting up in the night to look after their husband who has a cold/man flu.

You have a baby, OP. You don’t need to be babying your husband.

No wonder he’s threatening to tell his mummy. He’s basically acting like a toddler.

Suggest he goes to mummy’s house where he can recover. And see if she’s willing to nurse him back to health.

notameangirlhun · 21/12/2022 08:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2022 22:29

Why are you with him? I imagine he was pathetic, self indulgent, lazy, inconsiderate and lazy before now?

I hate these kind of replies. It’s not at all helpful.

Maybe OP was not in a great place when she met this (clearly pathetic) man and she settled because she didn’t then know her value.

Maybe he changed. It isn’t uncommon for men to change and suddenly reveal themselves to be abusive after marriage and kids.

(Not that I’m saying based on this one piece of information that OP’s DH is abusive)

Why is it that a man is useless and the woman is still somehow blamed for his ineptitude? Why is the bar set so low for men? Why aren’t you chastising him for being inconsiderate and supporting OP who clearly came here for support?

20viona · 21/12/2022 08:03

Why did you get up with him at 2am for over 2 hours 😵‍💫

Reallyatthelimit · 21/12/2022 08:04

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2022 22:29

AIBU? He is saying he’s going to expose me to his mum because I don’t care about him and I’m not looking after him properly 🤣🤣

There's nothing funny about this. At all. I'd tell him to get to fuck and send him back to his mum's. The selfish, self-absorbed cunt.

I agree this isn’t funny. This ‘laughing’ about men being shit leads to women staying in shit relationships because societally gaslighting tells them it’s ‘hilarious’ and normal for men to be like this. It’s not.

GreenManalishi · 21/12/2022 08:05

Nobody with flu and a migraine is shouting and staring at a phone screen.

Save him the hassle of exposing your very bad wifeing skills to his perfect mother and call her yourself. Tell her you're not a very good wife and he needs someone to tend to him 24hours a day, so she'd better come and get him and take him home where the standards are up to scratch. Grown man daycare is closed.

Reallyatthelimit · 21/12/2022 08:09

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 20/12/2022 23:51

Oh god. I know this is passive aggressively 'lighthearted', but I despair of these 'isn't my husband an incompetent twat teehee' threads.

He's your husband, up to you if you want this wanker to be your forever person.

I despair of them too.

liarliarshortsonfire · 21/12/2022 08:18

Expose you to his Mum!! Tell him he can move back in with his Mum

TheaBrandt · 21/12/2022 08:19

Agree with most pp he is being a twat.

But Waddleaways view about her Dh being ill and then having to ignore it as they are busy shows they have not been actually ill. When Dh and I had proper flu in 2007 there was no way we could have just ignored it and carried on. We had to get my uncle to look after our baby as we were were literally unable to.

MakeWayMoana · 21/12/2022 08:22

I’d like to assume the ‘expose you to his mum’ was a joke - my husband frequently tells me I’m a rubbish wife because I won’t scratch his feet, and he occasionally threatens to divorce me and marry the tumble drier because ‘she’ does so much more for him than I do!

Did he expect you to stay up with him for hours in the night, or did you wake up and then decide he needed you ti help him and stayed awake for hours like a martyr? I don’t understand what you could have been doing to make him better for 2 hours in the middle of the night?!

crimsonpeak · 21/12/2022 08:23

Why are you staying up with your husband in the wee small hours? He’s an adult. Make him a lesson by all means but then he needs to get on with it! Ring his mum and tell him what a massive baby he is and palm him off onto her.

hellycat · 21/12/2022 08:25

Why did you have to 'stay with him' during the night?

I'd sit up with a sick child if they were vomiting or delirious, not a grown ass male. Dear God, what a pathetic man-child.

Inkpotlover · 21/12/2022 08:29

I don't think you're a crap wife and him running to his mum is pathetic. BUT if he has the flu lurgy that's going around then he probably is feeling really ill and needs to rest. I had it and I've never felt so ill and I know loads of people who are really sick with it at the moment. It's a really nasty virus. You should actually be keeping your and the kids' distance from him to avoid getting it.

Fleurdaisy · 21/12/2022 08:30

In his head he has man flu. This is the worst illness known to man and one tiny step away from death. The whole world family must come to a standstill and wait, poised at his bedside with clasped hands and sad expressions, to see if he survives this terrible affliction.
In the real world he’s a whinging man child who should get off his arse and crack on with life. Tell him lying down is bad for him, likely to develop into pneumonia and/or dvt.

PeonyRose80 · 21/12/2022 08:30

He had a migraine but on his phone all day? he had a headache then 😂