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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you offer a lift?

166 replies

countingdowntoxmass · 20/12/2022 17:06

So this has happened twice now where I’ve gone out with two friends. One of them her boyfriend will pick her up and she will always offer the other friend a lift and not me.

Friend lives the same way as her so I get it. But the added driving time to give me a lift would be exactly 10 extra minutes to their journey.

Last time she even said “oh wish we could all go home together but we live in opposite directions” .. and then they drove past me waiting for my Uber and waved but also kind of looked like they were laughing (I can’t be 100% sure).

I wouldn’t offer one person a lift and not the other unless they were very much out of the way, 30minutes+ etc

OP posts:

Mentalpiece · 21/12/2022 16:01

DilemmaADay · 21/12/2022 14:22

@Mentalpiece oh that's heartbreaking 😥I hope your SiL doesn't blame herself as it's entirely the fault of the rapist/murderer

For a good while she did, but eventually managed to see sense, although deep down I think she will always partially blame herself.

Squeakyegg22 · 21/12/2022 19:15

melj1213 · 21/12/2022 09:27

YABU as it's not your friend's place to offer for her bf to make extra detours to drop you off. It would have been nice for her to offer but there's no obligation for her to do so. Equally everyone needs to be responsible for their own way home so if you wanted a lift, knowing it would be a 10+min detour, you should have asked earlier in the night so your friend could check with her bf if he was happy to do it.

They live 30mins out of the city so he's already doing a 60 min round trip, he might have said "I will do the trip for you but I'm not doing drop offs either" especially if your other friend lives directly on the route or it's an extra minute or two so dropping her off is different to having to make a 10+minute detour.

My dad is the worst for it - I was off work earlier in the year due to surgery and was staying with my parents. I was fine to drive I just work in a manual job so had to be off for 8weeks. My dad went out a few times with friends and asked if I'd be alright to pick him up so he didn't have to drive. I said yes but, if it was after midnight, I just wanted to pick him up and get home not do a dozen drop offs as I would be tired and he agreed. Every single time I picked him up he had at least one other person where they just got into the car and then my dad would say "Oh, I've said Martin can have a lift, it's not far out of the way" so no chance for me to say no ... Only for it to be a 15min detour when all I wanted to do was get home and if already told him I didn't want to give people lifts (not to mention the extra petrol it cost me)

Also you say that dropping you off would add 10 mins but you don't say whether it will make the journey more complicated, which is sometimes a factor in whether I will drop people off. If the extra 10 minutes is via badly lit or narrow roads/a one way system/lots of traffic lights/roadworks/complicated area they don't know well etc then it's not just the detour it's the extra inconvenience and complications that mean they don't want to make the effort.

I work in retail and my store was open late last night for Christmas week. When we finished at 00.30am I offered one person a lift but not the other. My journey home is 15mins, the one I offered a lift to lives just off the main road I drive down and she was happy for me to just drop her on the corner and she'd walk the 5m to her front door so I didn't have to physically detour from my route. The other person lives 15mins drive away which requires a detour via a one way system and then narrow badly lit roads. At 00.30am I didn't want to have to navigate that, nor did I want to make the first colleague sit in the car for an extra 30mins and get home after 1am when we could all be home by 00.45am at the latest if we used separate transport (me and one colleague in my car and the other colleague getting a taxi).15 minutes extra might not seem like a lot but when all you want to do is get home it can be a huge difference.

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

Squeakyegg22 · 21/12/2022 19:21

countingdowntoxmass · 20/12/2022 17:06

So this has happened twice now where I’ve gone out with two friends. One of them her boyfriend will pick her up and she will always offer the other friend a lift and not me.

Friend lives the same way as her so I get it. But the added driving time to give me a lift would be exactly 10 extra minutes to their journey.

I wouldn’t offer one person a lift and not the other unless they were very much out of the way, 30minutes+ etc

This thread is insane. I can't believe how selfish some people can be! Or how nitpicky !! asking for google map screenshots of everyone's locations to verify the story is mad. And totally beside the point 😂

OP, I would offer you a lift home, 10 minutes is nothing. It's the right thing to do and know everyone is home safe. I would never leave anyone waiting alone regardless.

Lost123454 · 21/12/2022 19:21

It's the person that's driving the car's decision not your friend

He probably doesn't want to be a taxi

Do you actually know him?

melj1213 · 21/12/2022 19:34

Squeakyegg22 · 21/12/2022 19:15

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

Show quote history

No I left her in her taxi, which she had pre-booked... And would happily have waited with her if it hadn't already arrived but it's not my responsibility to take her home.

If she had asked then I would have taken her but I'm not obliged to offer.

melj1213 · 21/12/2022 19:40

Squeakyegg22 · 21/12/2022 19:15

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

Show quote history

Apologies I misread and thought you were referencing the other colleague having to walk home at 00:45am ... But what exactly is wrong with that?

She lives on a cul-de-sac with parking on both sides and is very tight for turning ... She lives in the 2nd house on the street so rather than me have to do a tight 3point turn on an icy road with cars on both sides, she got out on the corner and I watched her walk thr whole 5m to her front door before I pulled away ... Hardly like I spend her in the middle of nowhere

Shinyandnew1 · 21/12/2022 19:47

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

It isn’t the responsibility of people to provide door to door service for their colleagues at the end of a shift just because they drive.

PuppyMonkey · 22/12/2022 08:44

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

Five minutes, not five miles I think.

Thisbastardcomputer · 22/12/2022 08:50

I definitely would give you a lift

Quitelikeit · 22/12/2022 08:58

If it’s ten minutes on his journey does that mean an extra ten minutes to your house and ab extra ten minutes back? That’s 20 mins in total

that is probably why

however I’d feel too embarrassed to leave you standing alone!

in your shoes I’d offer a tenner to the friend and ask to jump in

ClareBlue · 22/12/2022 10:11

Still people getting the times wrong and the direction and distance and justifying what is an inherently selfish act of leaving a friend late at night on the road side so they can get home 10 minutes earlier.
The OP never said she had any entitlement, says she knows it is her responsibility to get home and gives no indication she regularly looks for lifts and is in fact a car driver so will be independent most of the time.
It's a question on a specific situation of a night out when she chose not to drive to enjoy a drink with her friends.
Those of you who say it is the boyfriend driving and they wouldn't want to ask him. What sort of partnership do you have that you can't ask your boyfriend to go 10 minutes out of his way for your friend. Extra 10 minutes is not significant in time getting home to makes sure your friend is home safely. Nobody's 10 minutes in life is that important.
Of course we all know people who take the piss with lifts, but this isn't the case here.
Those who justify not offering the lift are just plain selfish. It not a coincidence it is alway justified by perceived inconveniences on them and how they are not obligated to offer the lift. Nobody said they were, it doesn't mean they are not selfish by not doing it.

melj1213 · 22/12/2022 10:13

PuppyMonkey · 22/12/2022 08:44

You left you colleague to walk 5m alone in the dark at 00:45 in the morning so you didn't have to detour off the main road? Wow

Five minutes, not five miles I think.

It was neither, it was 5 meters

Noodlehen · 22/12/2022 12:49

I have lived in many cities in a few different continents, and even in very rural Ireland and I have NEVER known a 10 or 11 minute Uber to cost £27 🫠🫠

Shinyandnew1 · 22/12/2022 16:24

Noodlehen · 22/12/2022 12:49

I have lived in many cities in a few different continents, and even in very rural Ireland and I have NEVER known a 10 or 11 minute Uber to cost £27 🫠🫠

That is pricey, I agree!

The OP never came back to answer how she got TO the pub either. If it was another £27 to get there in no the first place, then it probably would be best to go, not have a drink and drive herself in future which would probably solve all of the problems.

Bleachmycloths · 14/02/2023 16:38

It’s a pain in the arse getting stuck with giving lifts. If the person is grateful, offers the odd bottle of wine or the odd fiver for petrol, it’s different. Some people don’t have enough bloody sense to appreciate the time, cost of fuel and wear and tear on your car and to at least offer a small gift or some recompense.
I will happily help with most things but I can’t stand people who take the piss. Been there, done it, won’t do it again.

Bleachmycloths · 14/02/2023 16:39

Oops! I think I’ve posted on the wrong thread! 🤪

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