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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you offer a lift?

166 replies

countingdowntoxmass · 20/12/2022 17:06

So this has happened twice now where I’ve gone out with two friends. One of them her boyfriend will pick her up and she will always offer the other friend a lift and not me.

Friend lives the same way as her so I get it. But the added driving time to give me a lift would be exactly 10 extra minutes to their journey.

Last time she even said “oh wish we could all go home together but we live in opposite directions” .. and then they drove past me waiting for my Uber and waved but also kind of looked like they were laughing (I can’t be 100% sure).

I wouldn’t offer one person a lift and not the other unless they were very much out of the way, 30minutes+ etc

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 20/12/2022 20:13

Is it like this OP (for arguments sake). Not a complete opposite direction, merely
a slight diversion along the way.

I’ve tried to draw on my
phone but I’m a bit shit at it

Would you offer a lift?
Shinyandnew1 · 20/12/2022 20:15

When I go out with friends, we either take it in turns to drive or persuade our husbands to take/collect us, so that way it’s not always the same one person having to drive home. Likewise, I will often take or collect DH with his friends when he goes out-sharing lifts with one of their girlfriend/wives. I would refuse to be the one that always took everyone home at the end of the night and DH wouldn’t expect that.

How did you get to the pub?

Willowswood · 20/12/2022 20:19

I always do the lifts as I don't drink, and I'm more than happy to drop people off, even if it's going out of my way. I would never leave anyone, let alone a friend on the pavement waiting for an Uber.

I think you need to ask yourself if these people really are your friends.

Fluffygoon · 20/12/2022 20:21

Personally I’d give you a lift and if you offered me something towards petrol/running cost of car I’d turn it down but they could be in debt for all we know. If I felt friends were laughing at me (were they pissed and laughing about shit?) that would be more more of a concern!

Original poster
countingdowntoxmass · 20/12/2022 20:25

HomeAGnome · 20/12/2022 20:01

Do you actually drive @countingdowntoxmass ? it's a pain in the arse giving people lifts when you just want to get home

Yes I drive. But I don’t get how that’s relevant. I’m not driving there as I would be drinking. Not excessive but between 3-5 drinks.

OP posts:
OliveWah · 20/12/2022 20:27

I'd never leave one person on their own at night. I don't drink, so always drive and would certainly have offered you a lift, they could have waited for your Uber to arrive at the very least.

I do find that some people take the piss though, it's mostly parents of our teenage DDs' friends, as they know I'll be picking my daughter(s) up, so they tell their DC to "Just get a lift home with Olive", knowing there's no way I'd leave a teenager stranded!

Iamtheonwandlonely · 20/12/2022 20:37

Do they arrive together.
I don't think it's nice to leave 1 person standing there, especially as they had to drive past her.
Who does that.
It's just plain mean.

PuppyMonkey · 20/12/2022 20:48

Ooh is it Nottingham? Love the Pitcher and Piano.

I think it’s bad form to leave you OP.

rosemarysalter · 20/12/2022 20:53

They could at least wait until the uber comes.
Two of them left you waiting alone late at night?

rosemarysalter · 20/12/2022 20:55

If it's a 45 min walk home? How's it only a five
Min drive?

quinceh · 20/12/2022 20:56

I’d always offer a lift home. I think it’s odd when people don’t offer, and equally odd when people refuse lifts because ‘it’s out of your way.’ However some people don’t like driving any further than they have to, particularly at night.

Italiangirlinlondon · 20/12/2022 21:01

Gosh you’re coming across as very angry and upset.

look the boyfriend didn’t wish to drive ten mins out their way. He was happy to drop the other friend as it wasn’t out his way.

it doesn’t matter what anyone else would do, just what he wishes to do.

however the fact they were laughing together In the car is fairly normal. Thinking your own friends are mocking you isn’t.

why would you think your own friend mock you like that? Have they done it before, or are you so upset about not getting a lift you are now thinking the worst of everything.

and why would the even bother to invite you out if they want to mock you

Teapleasebobb · 20/12/2022 21:03

I'm going out this week with some friends, I'm driving and have offered lifts, one friend lives about 15 mins drive from the venue but in the opposite direction to my house, so it'll add an extra half an hour on to my journey home, so it'll maybe take me an hour to get home instead of half an hour. I could have not offered lifts, but then they'd have to get taxis and that wouldn't sit right with me, so yanbu op, it's a bit shit I think and not something I would do.

TheNeverEndingOver · 20/12/2022 21:08

rosemarysalter · 20/12/2022 20:55

If it's a 45 min walk home? How's it only a five
Min drive?

If only we knew

blueflagflyhigh · 20/12/2022 21:09

I'm very much the offering kind of person! I would not leave a friend there for a 10min journey even if that means 10mins there and then another 10-15mins until u get home.

I used to often bundle a friend in and say to dh can u drop them off (in opposite direction) and ofcourse he did and didn't complain just same as sometimes I wld give his friends a lift after a night out etc.

Maybe her boyfriend says I'm not going out my way to drop anyone else off. So maybe it's not her but him.

I remember my mum used to always warn my dad I'll pick u up but just u. Then he'd come out the pub with a pal cld u drop them at x and my mum wld be so mad but say nothing and drop them off. When friend wld get out car she wld have a go at him and that wld be him in the bad books 😂

Wonnle · 20/12/2022 21:16

Personally i'd give both of you a lift home , even if it was 30 minutes the other way

CakeCrumbs44 · 20/12/2022 21:22

Why don't you ask? If the Uber cost you £28 you could offer the boyfriend, say, £15 to drop you off. You'd be saving money and he would be getting paid plenty for a short detour! Chances are he would take you up on it, or just give you a lift and say don't worry about the money.

CraneBoysMysteries · 20/12/2022 21:23

OP people are nit picking as you're being quite angry and a little inconsistent

-Friend lives 30 mins ritually from city (where you had drinks)

-You say you don't live the same direction but adding you in would only add 10 mins joinery

-But your screenshot shows you are a 11 min drive from the bar

-So presumably you are taking them away from a direct route adding more than a 10 mins detour?

Unless you do live the same direction?

From the boyfriends point of view, he's already doing an hour round trip to pick up his GF so adding more drop offs that are out of the way are probably something he'd rather not do if you can get an Uber.

I think the fact the Boyf is doing the pick up is key here. I'd imagine if your friend were driving, she'd give you a lift

CraneBoysMysteries · 20/12/2022 21:24

Whoops! Should say 🤛*rurally

Reindear · 20/12/2022 21:29

Why don’t you just offer petrol money to the bf? As pp has said he’s already doing an hour round trip, he prob doesn’t want to add another 10 mins to that- petrol adds up. You’re being quite defensive in your replies to people.

Carriemac · 20/12/2022 21:30

I cannot believe they'd leave you standing waiting for an Uber and drive past you . I'd definitely offer you a lift, as would I my DH . When I occasionally pick DH up whams he's out with his mates I always tell him to offer them a lift

Cococomelon · 20/12/2022 21:38

You do sound like you have an attitude and that would make me not want to give you a lift.

also based on what you have said I don't believe it really is ten mins overall

If you want to satisfy the nit pickers can you put in google maps:

A - pitcher & piano to their house

B your house to their house + add it to the journey time you have for Pitcher & Piano to your house

LilyPeace · 20/12/2022 21:51

I would have offered you a lift. However, I can understand why they wouldn't. The boyfriend is already doing a 60 minute round trip, so even an extra 10 minutes isn't insignificant.

Plus your friends might feel that they've had to put the most effort into meeting up - longer distance to travel, having to arrange lifts - whereas it's just a 10 minute Uber there and back for you. If they drop you off, you're warm and cosy at home while they've still got their full journey ahead of them.

I'm often in your situation as I live in a city and have a lot of friends who travel from the outskirts for nights out. I honestly hate it when someone insists on driving me home or waiting until my taxi arrives.

fedupofthiscoldffs · 20/12/2022 21:57

I'd have definitely given you a lift home. If someone was picking me up I'd be making it clear I'd was giving you a lift too. Who leaves a friend on their own?

I'd be saying in future you won't be coming as taxi is too expensive

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 20/12/2022 22:13

fedupofthiscoldffs · 20/12/2022 21:57

I'd have definitely given you a lift home. If someone was picking me up I'd be making it clear I'd was giving you a lift too. Who leaves a friend on their own?

I'd be saying in future you won't be coming as taxi is too expensive

This could potentially suit the other two better as they could stay more local to where they live, saving time and money.

I feel there are too many unknowns about the op's scenario to figure out who is being unreasonable.