Would you offer a lift?

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So this has happened twice now where I’ve gone out with two friends. One of them her boyfriend will pick her up and she will always offer the other friend a lift and not me.

Friend lives the same way as her so I get it. But the added driving time to give me a lift would be exactly 10 extra minutes to their journey.

Last time she even said “oh wish we could all go home together but we live in opposite directions” .. and then they drove past me waiting for my Uber and waved but also kind of looked like they were laughing (I can’t be 100% sure).

I wouldn’t offer one person a lift and not the other unless they were very much out of the way, 30minutes+ etc

All the Irish on MN just returning from dropping their partner's friend's Mum home after a night out via a 12 mile detour thinking WTF. Literally everyone I know in Ireland would not even think twice about dropping their partner's friend home after a night out if it was remotely in the same direction. Not many would d be with someone who didn't do it. From our perspective it's seriously weird if you didn't.

Read the thread.

Of course it’s relevant. You can drive yourself. There’s no rule that says you MUST drink. This is what I would do. It’s mad spending nearly £30 just to go 11 minutes.

Aside from that, I would offer a lift, as long as the journey was straightforward (hate driving unfamiliar or difficult routes but don’t care any how long it takes).

I expect the boyfriend is the issue.

It’s not and never has been. It’s 11 minutes. 🤦‍♀️

Because I want to go out for a meal and have drinks with it?

And again it’s not relevant. It would only be relevant if I had no means to get back to my house but I do.

Im not sure why this is even being debated. My OP isn’t anything to do with that. I’m asking if people would offer a lift or is it more normal to not.

Agree, for me it’s very weird. I would offer my friend a lift because that’s what friends do and I couldn’t leave a friend alone late at night in the city centre.

Appreciate others will see that from a different point of view and I wanted an insight into why you wouldn’t offer a lift.

… instead I’m being told get a bus, drive yourself and that I dictate to people and make them my personal taxi when they’ve never driven me anywhere. Only on MN ..

Christ, you're dealing with some right thickos on this thread! YANBU. It is poor behaviour from your "friend" - especially to leave you standing there at the mercy of whoever.

I would offer a lift but I can see why other people wouldn't.

Like most others I would probably have asked dh to drop you home, but if I was you, while I would be very grateful for a lift, unless I regularly went out my way to give them lifts, I would not expect it or be aggrieved if it wasnt offered as it is 1) out of their way, 2) not your friend who is driving.

I feel sorry for your friend being with the type of man who would happily drive past a lone woman at night waiting for a taxi without at least thinking to offer a lift. He/the friends could at the very least insist you wait in the warm car until the Uber shows up. They all sound pretty self absorbed tbh.

I don’t care what your opinion of me is because you actually don’t know me and I thankfully don’t know you. It’s quite a deranged thing to say to be honest.

I also don’t care if you think I’m lying about 10 minutes. Yet again absolutely deranged thing to accuse someone of. How would me lying benefit anything. To hopefully get a unanimous YANBU for a situation I’d know not to be true …

And furthermore more, deranged statement number three. Posting a Google maps photo of their direct journey and then their journey from mine - well seeing as I’m hardly about to post my or their address or any identifying roads to an Internet forum for obvious reasons then it really proves nothing.

Heres a tip, people don’t care what you think of them on a anonymous forum and secondly if you don’t believe what’s been posted then why would you even engage in it? I wouldn’t have the time or energy to dissect a thread and demand evidence - I also would never be so invested.

You’re right … it is sad. I rarely watch the news these days but when I happened to see it the other day and saw that story about the man who followed two women before killing the third one was devastating - and not uncommon. Women are even safe going for a jog alone.

Before anyone jumps on me, its solely my responsibility to look after myself. But me personally I’d at least do the absolute minimum of not leaving someone behind, getting in the car and waving at them as I drove by leaving them alone.

It's one of the two biggest differences I have noticed between England and Ireland having lived for over 20 years in both Countries. England - not my responsibility to ensure my friend gets home safely, she shouldn't have come out if she expects me to ask my partner to turn off the main road and drop her 100 yards at her gate. He has to get up for work in the morning.
Ireland - of course he will bloody take you home and not just to the taxi rank. It's only 12 miles and we'd want to know you got back safely anyway and is that Mary who lives in our town waiting for a taxi. Ask her if she wants a lift.

Probably due to a historic lack of transport options in Ireland and the need for another 30 minutes dissecting the night whilst the partner remains quiet and non judgemental.

I am of course generalising and there are plenty in England that would do the same but there are not many in rural Ireland that wouldn't.

But me personally I’d at least do the absolute minimum of not leaving someone behind, getting in the car and waving at them as I drove by leaving them alone.

Well, this. Exactly.

I'd offer a lift

I went out with my friend and her boyfriend today for breakfast yesterday, he drove past her house to take me home as I live around 20 min walk from her house. I think it's a bit crap of them. 10 mins is nothing in the car

And this is the bottom line, isn't it. Those people were happy within themselves to drive past a friend late at night on her own who they had been socialising with, to avoid a 10 minute extension to their journey home.
The OP question is a genuine question that has questioned the mentality of someone making that decision. All the stuff about can you drive or you are responsible, or you are not nice so no lift for you etc is missing the point as OP keeps saying. The point being what thought process leaves a friend standing on her own late at night to save 10 minutes on you arrival at home time.
And all those making excuses or rationalising this action should take a serious look at themselves. Numerous posts about it's not their responsibility to ensure OP gets home, bla bla bla, should make her own arrangements, bla bla bla
Well it's not all about what you have to do or what someone else should have done. Sometimes it's about what is right to do and if that involves a small (and this was really small) sacrifice of time or money then so what.
Having just spent the last 10 days in UK the examples of lack of empathy you are showing for each other is distressing. Examples when seeing people in obvious distress of comments: Not my problem, they brought it on themselves, should of thought of that shouldn't they, I don't have to help them, etc continual 'it's not my problem and I don't have to do anything'
From an outsider view it is genuinely shocking how disconnected your society has become.
Except when I went to Bradford for a few days and they were lovely and were all looking out for each other big time. England needs to be more Bradford 😂

FWIW, I would offer a lift, but not primarily out of considering safety; just the simple fact that an extra ten minutes is nothing to save a friend the extra wait and cost of an additional service.

@ClareBlue thank you for explaining the point of my OP more eloquently than I could have ever done.

a) your question has already been answered (it's not a 5 minute drive)
b) even if it hadn't been answered it's entirely possible to drive 2 - 2.5 miles in 5 minutes if it's a fairly direct route

OP you are quite rude and seem to be one of these posters who doesn't like any comment that tells then they are being unreasonable or questions you.

You don't need to post their address but it IS relevant how long it would take them to get home after dropping you off versus how long it would take direct. It just doesn't follow to me that it is ten mins when you said you don't leave in the same direction (and your Google map said 11 just to your house).

I agree that the boyfriend is doing enough driving and may not want to do any more so just don't expect it.

It's possible they were laughing at the awkwardness of having said goodbye and then having to drive slowly past you, waving. And I assume they'd had a few drinks so maybe it seemed like a hilariously funny scene in that moment, but not with any malice.

YABU as it's not your friend's place to offer for her bf to make extra detours to drop you off. It would have been nice for her to offer but there's no obligation for her to do so. Equally everyone needs to be responsible for their own way home so if you wanted a lift, knowing it would be a 10+min detour, you should have asked earlier in the night so your friend could check with her bf if he was happy to do it.

They live 30mins out of the city so he's already doing a 60 min round trip, he might have said "I will do the trip for you but I'm not doing drop offs either" especially if your other friend lives directly on the route or it's an extra minute or two so dropping her off is different to having to make a 10+minute detour.

My dad is the worst for it - I was off work earlier in the year due to surgery and was staying with my parents. I was fine to drive I just work in a manual job so had to be off for 8weeks. My dad went out a few times with friends and asked if I'd be alright to pick him up so he didn't have to drive. I said yes but, if it was after midnight, I just wanted to pick him up and get home not do a dozen drop offs as I would be tired and he agreed. Every single time I picked him up he had at least one other person where they just got into the car and then my dad would say "Oh, I've said Martin can have a lift, it's not far out of the way" so no chance for me to say no ... Only for it to be a 15min detour when all I wanted to do was get home and if already told him I didn't want to give people lifts (not to mention the extra petrol it cost me)

Also you say that dropping you off would add 10 mins but you don't say whether it will make the journey more complicated, which is sometimes a factor in whether I will drop people off. If the extra 10 minutes is via badly lit or narrow roads/a one way system/lots of traffic lights/roadworks/complicated area they don't know well etc then it's not just the detour it's the extra inconvenience and complications that mean they don't want to make the effort.

I work in retail and my store was open late last night for Christmas week. When we finished at 00.30am I offered one person a lift but not the other. My journey home is 15mins, the one I offered a lift to lives just off the main road I drive down and she was happy for me to just drop her on the corner and she'd walk the 5m to her front door so I didn't have to physically detour from my route. The other person lives 15mins drive away which requires a detour via a one way system and then narrow badly lit roads. At 00.30am I didn't want to have to navigate that, nor did I want to make the first colleague sit in the car for an extra 30mins and get home after 1am when we could all be home by 00.45am at the latest if we used separate transport (me and one colleague in my car and the other colleague getting a taxi).15 minutes extra might not seem like a lot but when all you want to do is get home it can be a huge difference.

My DH would never leave one of my friends standing out alone at night to make their own way home. Especially if we'd had a couple of drinks. What if they got attacked etc? When he's picked me up he's always driven my friends to their door too.

Anyone decent would.

And you seem rude and like one of those posters that hangs around a thread trying to provoke a reaction and keep repeating themselves because they have nothing better to do. How draining.

I’ve only not agreed with points that are entirely irrelevant to the thread. Such as your embarrassing comments. If you can’t grasp the aibu then that’s on you.

You just keep repeating the whole time thing. Again this has been confirmed multiple times. It’s a very weird choice of your time asking me to post multiple Google maps (why so invested?..) rather than just taking the facts presented in the OP to be true or just deciding to instead post on a thread you believe.

If a lift was expected I wouldn’t have ordered an Uber and I would have directly asked for a lift. Doesn’t matter if the boyfriend has done enough driving, because again you’ve missed the whole point of the aibu.