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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wanting sex when I'm WFH?!

140 replies

whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 12:35

NC for this. Sorry but this has really annoyed me and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable here. Please move elsewhere if it's not appropriate here.

Partner has just left for work. I'm taking my lunch break hence posting here.

We have 2 children in the house, one of whom is under 2, so granted we don't get a lot of "us" time anymore but I think his pushy-ness this morning takes the piss a bit.

I'm wfh today, partner is on a late shift so not starting work til after lunch. He's done the school/nursery drop offs this morning, ran a few errands, and come home about 10.30 ish. He has then basically hung around me making insinuations about sex... I'm literally sat at my laptop by the way when he's doing this. I said I'm working, not now... He said I could "take a break" and we could "make it quick" etc. I replied something like: "wow that's an attractive offer 🙄 how about instead let's make some time this evening and make it more relaxed / special", and I reiterated that really needed to get the work done that I was focusing on! But he kept persisting then seemed to go sulky. I ignored him and carried on working. I reiterated about this evening when kids are in bed and he said (sorry if tmi):"yeah ok.. but I won't last long as it's been that long. So I thought just a quick one now would be a good idea".

At that point I just felt so annoyed! I'm trying to work and I'm not there to service him so he lasts longer later, ffs! And it's not even been that long - to say we have a young child who still doesn't sleep great and takes up so much of our time, and we both work long hours FT, we are doing ok - for context last time was only 3 weeks ago and we average 2-3 times a month. It's like he doesn't value the importance of my work, too, and it's somehow less important because I can do it from home. Imagine me turning up at his workplace demanding sex when he's on shift?!

Anyway. Was he being a bit annoying and pushy here? Or am I overreacting to be still annoyed with him 🙄

OP posts:
90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

murasaki · 20/12/2022 12:41

How deeply unattractive of him. YANBU.

Flowersintheattic57 · 20/12/2022 12:42

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in asking, it could have been a pleasant interlude. But once you had said no he should have quit. Being a sex pest is a massive turn off, so he didn’t do himself any favours.
As for not ‘lasting’ later, that’d what the morning shower and his right hand is for!
YANBU

ChimChimeny · 20/12/2022 12:42

You are not unreasonable. Fair enough ask but if The answer is no then anything other than acceptance is being a sex pest and grim

Hellno44 · 20/12/2022 12:43

Pestering you for sex is really unattractive. I can't believe he sulked about it like a child. It gives me the ick. This would totally turn me off. Anyhow, I'd tell him that it's a turn off. I'd also tell him in future not to disturb you while your working.

SleeplessInEngland · 20/12/2022 12:43

Asking: fine. Continually asking after being told no: not fine.

housemaus · 20/12/2022 12:44

Nah, that's gross. I'm all about a WFH quickie occasionally (before the WFH-haters come for me about skiving, I work for myself) but that's when it's jointly initiated.

Him hanging around ignoring you telling him no, not respecting your time when you clearly weren't up for being distracted and then threatening you with worse sex (with a hint of 'so there'll be nothing in it for you') if you 'made' him wait, plus a guilt trip about how long it's been... horrible.

Have you spoken about your sex life/the frequency outside of scenarios where he's trying to get you to fuck him, or not? Because that would be what annoyed me most: that he clearly had an issue and chose to use that as a stick to beat you with in order to gain something for himself, not raising it like an adult as a conversation.

BrewandBiscuit · 20/12/2022 12:44

I’d have been all over him in a shot! Can’t beat a bit of naughty “on the clock” fun, especially if you don’t get much chance.

Saying that, if you didn’t want to that is absolutely fine but I don’t think he was being unreasonable

mynameisnotkate · 20/12/2022 12:45

Day time sex whilst working from home is totally reasonable and one of the perks (as long as you’re still getting your hours in, obv). Pestering people for sex when they’re not up for it / in the mood is totally unreasonable.

So YABU to think it’s out of the question, but YANBU to be annoyed with OH.

takealettermsjones · 20/12/2022 12:46

I don't think there was anything wrong with the suggestion - if you would normally take a coffee break, etc... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm also not sure he meant that you needed to service him so he would last longer later - could he have just meant that it was possible to make it a quickie? I agree it was clumsily worded.

But also agree with PPs, as always on these threads - once you've said no thanks, then his pestering/sulking is massively out of order, and unattractive to boot.

whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 12:46

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

😂

I'm probably just stressed because I have stuff to get finished before Christmas break. I might have gone for it any other time when not feeling stressed!

OP posts:
GetOffTheRoof · 20/12/2022 12:47

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

Maybe if you're Boris Johnson. The rest of us actually work.

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2022 12:48

Does he usually ask you for sex when it’s clearly inappropriate or bad timing?

MumUndone · 20/12/2022 12:48

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

Urgh.

SomethingOriginal2 · 20/12/2022 12:49

Shoulda told him to go and have a wank then since thats all he's after. Then he can actually give you something enjoyable tonight.

GetOffTheRoof · 20/12/2022 12:49

WTF is with the list of people apparently having frequent sex during the working day at home? Is this a shill thread for the Daily Hate and Jacob Rees-Mogg?

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:49

GetOffTheRoof · 20/12/2022 12:47

Maybe if you're Boris Johnson. The rest of us actually work.

Oh lighten up 🤣

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 12:49

Fair enough to ask and for you to say no but to carry on pestering you is so offputting

countingdowntoxmass · 20/12/2022 12:49

Agree with what others said. Asked, get told no, end of.

WFH, I think we’re all guilty of doing the laundry, running an errand etc so I don’t see a quickie as a big deal.

I would say 3 weeks is a long time ago though.

DrSmoot · 20/12/2022 12:50

you said “No”. He should have stopped then rather than pester.
The fact that he didn’t respect that would be the biggest turn off for me tbh.

LakieLady · 20/12/2022 12:51

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

I was so glad to read this. WFH did wonders for our sex life. There's something so naughty about a quickie when you should be working.

YANBU though, OP. No means no, and men become very unattractive when they pester.

WrongLife · 20/12/2022 12:52

I don't have sex any more often WFH than other people spend going out for cigarettes or making coffee in the office.

whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 12:52

I didn't think 3 weeks was that long with a toddler who doesn't sleep and both of us FT jobs with long hours etc. But maybe it is and we might need to work on that. I miss our sex life too. I'm just always either stressed with work, stressed with being a mum, or exhausted!

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 20/12/2022 12:53

Nothing wrong with suggesting a lunch time quickie but pestering you and sulking when you said no was not on

MincepiesforRudolph · 20/12/2022 12:54

Pestering and sulking is being a dick