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Original poster

Partner wanting sex when I'm WFH?!

140 replies

whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 12:35

NC for this. Sorry but this has really annoyed me and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable here. Please move elsewhere if it's not appropriate here.

Partner has just left for work. I'm taking my lunch break hence posting here.

We have 2 children in the house, one of whom is under 2, so granted we don't get a lot of "us" time anymore but I think his pushy-ness this morning takes the piss a bit.

I'm wfh today, partner is on a late shift so not starting work til after lunch. He's done the school/nursery drop offs this morning, ran a few errands, and come home about 10.30 ish. He has then basically hung around me making insinuations about sex... I'm literally sat at my laptop by the way when he's doing this. I said I'm working, not now... He said I could "take a break" and we could "make it quick" etc. I replied something like: "wow that's an attractive offer 🙄 how about instead let's make some time this evening and make it more relaxed / special", and I reiterated that really needed to get the work done that I was focusing on! But he kept persisting then seemed to go sulky. I ignored him and carried on working. I reiterated about this evening when kids are in bed and he said (sorry if tmi):"yeah ok.. but I won't last long as it's been that long. So I thought just a quick one now would be a good idea".

At that point I just felt so annoyed! I'm trying to work and I'm not there to service him so he lasts longer later, ffs! And it's not even been that long - to say we have a young child who still doesn't sleep great and takes up so much of our time, and we both work long hours FT, we are doing ok - for context last time was only 3 weeks ago and we average 2-3 times a month. It's like he doesn't value the importance of my work, too, and it's somehow less important because I can do it from home. Imagine me turning up at his workplace demanding sex when he's on shift?!

Anyway. Was he being a bit annoying and pushy here? Or am I overreacting to be still annoyed with him 🙄

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 20/12/2022 15:25

It's just so childish for him to sulk about his. So, he wants to use your body that morning, but "can't possibly" wait for the evening when you've made the effort to make time for him? God, that's just vile.

Sapphire387 · 20/12/2022 15:29

How enticing, telling you he won't last long. Totally grim, especially as he knows you've been having pain.

Sophie89j · 20/12/2022 15:32

I’d have pulled my dressing gown up (I WFT in my pjs unless on a meeting) and bent over 😂
Perks of WFH!! Getting paid to do it in a non prostituty (new word) way!

Coffeetree · 20/12/2022 15:37

Oh my God OP ignore the people making excuses.

You were clearly working, not on a break. That's a really weird time to proposition!

And the sulking, Jesus.

Can't believe the people making excuses.

July70 · 20/12/2022 15:39

Hello
I can understand the problem when trying to work and OH free and pushy.
However, years ago when I was about 40 and my OH (now ex) 30-ish, I worked PT from home and he'd often come home for long lunch breaks as he worked in the community. I used to prepare for us to eat about 1 to 1-30. We got into a routine as children were at school and he'd come and often just say, get them of and we always did it on the lounge sofa and lasted 25/30 mins, then he'd rush his lunch and leave for about 2, 2-15 depending where his next visit was. I married him as he was big and strong and I really miss that. Memories.

However, my ex never pushed me hard as I'd often say yes 1st or 2nd time as I felt i was in my prime for this as was he. The current OH, 5 mins and over but he is nice and caring. I think if you have time it's okay but if not, it is easy to get angry, put off.

Sartre · 20/12/2022 15:42

Ok of him to ask imo and I wouldn’t mind breaking away from answering emails to have a quickie personally Wink. Not ok for him to keep pushing the application then sulk.

Rewis · 20/12/2022 15:51

I enjoy a WFH lunch breaks. But sulking and pestering is not OK and a massive turn off.

BCBird · 20/12/2022 15:53

Suggesting it is not a problem,think I would like the fact that it was happening in work's time if I fancied it. Pressursing you/ hanging about like a rabid dog is a definite no

SirMingeALot · 20/12/2022 16:16

Wishihadanalgorithm · 20/12/2022 13:24

You are WFH and presumably being paid to work and not shag your husband.

I’m actually aghast at the number of people who think it’s ok to have sex when they’re being paid to work. No wonder employers are demanding staff return to the office!

Your husband is being a sex pest - a deeply unattractive quality- and he really doesn’t see the value in your work. From now on, if he’s on a late I’d be going into the. Office.

While OP's partner is all the way in the wrong here, it really shouldn't be news to you that lots of people have jobs that are about ensuring particular tasks are completed, rather than to work solidly during set hours.

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 20/12/2022 16:17

You've not had sex for 3 weeks though, that's a long time for a lot of people. I do get the whole small children ft jobs, we are there too which means any window you get you grab!!! It is naughty during the working day, but hey, it's nearly christmas. I conceived our 3rd child during lockdown working from home, any window is a window 😆.

Original poster
whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 16:32

I do have flexibility in my working day. So I could in theory have done what I was doing this morning, this evening, for example (I had meetings this afternoon so couldn't have done it then). However, because partner is working a late shift today (9pm finish), I need to collect youngest from nursery and do bath, bedtime etc by myself, meaning I wouldn't have been able to catch up on work this evening (unless I want to be opening my laptop again at 8pm when the kids are in bed, which I really don't!) So like I say, today of all days, his timing was just a bit shit.

I'll make it up to him this evening ☺️

OP posts:
PrincessConstance · 20/12/2022 16:41

We've had lots of WFH quickies and a bit longer.
It's replaced lunch and coffee breaks.
I think when life is full or stressful, it's best to seize the moment.

riceuten · 20/12/2022 16:49

I'd be considering the long term future with someone who sulks when told that someone in working and pressurises them for intimacy.

Cruisebabe1 · 20/12/2022 16:51

90yomakeuproom · 20/12/2022 12:40

You are over reacting. Sex while being paid is one of the benefits of WFH 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

proveit · 20/12/2022 16:56

And it's not even been that long - to say we have a young child who still doesn't sleep great and takes up so much of our time, and we both work long hours FT, we are doing ok - for context last time was only 3 weeks ago and we average 2-3 times a month

Sorry, but that IS a long time for many, many people. I'm 53 (female) and that would not be a satisfactory frequency for me, on any level. Sadly its what I have to put up with though as DH isn't that fussed. It's torture, quite honestly.

Sundayvibes · 20/12/2022 17:10

3 weeks without sex really isn’t a long time at all.

HelsyQ · 20/12/2022 17:30

Sundayvibes · 20/12/2022 17:10

3 weeks without sex really isn’t a long time at all.

The thought devastates me 🤣

but every couple is different as long as your both happy with it, it can be as often or little as you like

Original poster
whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 17:30

proveit · 20/12/2022 16:56

And it's not even been that long - to say we have a young child who still doesn't sleep great and takes up so much of our time, and we both work long hours FT, we are doing ok - for context last time was only 3 weeks ago and we average 2-3 times a month

Sorry, but that IS a long time for many, many people. I'm 53 (female) and that would not be a satisfactory frequency for me, on any level. Sadly its what I have to put up with though as DH isn't that fussed. It's torture, quite honestly.

Pain during sex after a traumatic birth is also torture. Luckily DP understands that and isn't an arse about it (most of the time).

OP posts:
UntilHootOwlReturns · 20/12/2022 17:31

How romantic of him. 😒🙄 Yuck!!

AnaBannanna · 20/12/2022 17:31

Sounds repulsive!

Original poster
whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 17:36

Also it's not the case that either of us "isn't fussed". We both want a healthy sex life and we have previously had just that. But there are a few barriers at the moment as I've mentioned that we are navigating. I still don't think his timing was great.

On reflection I think it annoyed me more as there have been occasions when I've called him at work to run something by him that I've felt was important - just a 5 min conversation or something. And he's rushed me off the phone saying "got to go now, I'm busy, will call you back when I can" etc. So, I have to accept the importance of his job when he's at work. Why can't he afford me the same respect?

OP posts:
Rightsraptor · 20/12/2022 18:00

My now ex used to suggest a 'quick fuck' and never seemed to understand why I reacted negatively.

Can't you ask him if he'd turn up at your place of work if you weren't wfh and suggest sex, or how he might feel if, as you said, you appeared during his shift and wanted sex?

It's about boundaries I think, and is similar to people who post about their MiL popping round all the time for coffee when they're wfh. Just not on

memoriesofamiga · 20/12/2022 18:01

I think the WFH thing is important actually but not necessarily because it's on 'employers time'. He was pestering because YOU were working, not HIM. If the roles were reversed would he still be expecting the sex? Just a thought.

No wonder employers want us all back in the office if they think we're all shagging all the time! 😂

gemsgv · 20/12/2022 18:01

Whenever someone says they haven't had time to have sex in 3 weeks (or another long time) I think, how often do you hear someone say they haven't had chance to eat a meal for 3 weeks or have a shower for 3 weeks.

you don't

Original poster
whatsthepointinthis · 20/12/2022 18:03

@gemsgv

I didn't say time was the only barrier.

Have you actually read the thread?

Eating and showering don't cause me pain.

OP posts: