Partner wanting sex when I'm WFH?!

[whatsthepointinthis]

NC for this. Sorry but this has really annoyed me and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable here. Please move elsewhere if it's not appropriate here.

Partner has just left for work. I'm taking my lunch break hence posting here.

We have 2 children in the house, one of whom is under 2, so granted we don't get a lot of "us" time anymore but I think his pushy-ness this morning takes the piss a bit.

I'm wfh today, partner is on a late shift so not starting work til after lunch. He's done the school/nursery drop offs this morning, ran a few errands, and come home about 10.30 ish. He has then basically hung around me making insinuations about sex... I'm literally sat at my laptop by the way when he's doing this. I said I'm working, not now... He said I could "take a break" and we could "make it quick" etc. I replied something like: "wow that's an attractive offer 🙄 how about instead let's make some time this evening and make it more relaxed / special", and I reiterated that really needed to get the work done that I was focusing on! But he kept persisting then seemed to go sulky. I ignored him and carried on working. I reiterated about this evening when kids are in bed and he said (sorry if tmi):"yeah ok.. but I won't last long as it's been that long. So I thought just a quick one now would be a good idea".

At that point I just felt so annoyed! I'm trying to work and I'm not there to service him so he lasts longer later, ffs! And it's not even been that long - to say we have a young child who still doesn't sleep great and takes up so much of our time, and we both work long hours FT, we are doing ok - for context last time was only 3 weeks ago and we average 2-3 times a month. It's like he doesn't value the importance of my work, too, and it's somehow less important because I can do it from home. Imagine me turning up at his workplace demanding sex when he's on shift?!

Anyway. Was he being a bit annoying and pushy here? Or am I overreacting to be still annoyed with him 🙄

Ha, quite.

But YANBU, OP. No means no.

He must have really wanted you if he hung around that long

🙄
The dude was pestering for sex from a woman he knew didn’t want sex, that’s creepy as hell.
Do you also believe sexual assault is a compliment?

Probably as they are leading the charge on the back to the office paying the rent and getting the taxes in charge must keep pret in business

Yanbu.

Sounds like he could do with a bucket of cold water throwing over him.

He must have really wanted you if he hung around that long

Hanging around looking hopeful is not a seduction technique.

My husband works from home and we love having quickies- it's exciting and feels naughty. Sometimes we're just too tired in the evenings.

It sounds like you're making excuses.

Agree 😂😂😂

This reads like some weird teen boy fantasy thing from a bunch of folks who never get laid , whose dreams are being actually asked 😂😂

Footmassageplease
Sounds like when you are ''too tired in the evening'' you're just making excuses. See what I did there?

TBH if it were me, he wouldn't be getting any tonight either after that display.

Fine to ask.
Not fine to pressure or sulk.

@Golfdad Yes I also agree that some women do the same - and I stand by what I say with either side - sulking about being turned down is absolutely grim.

it hurts, especially when you’re in the mood - I’ve been told no by my DP plenty of times, and in my head I do think “ouch” but if he doesn’t want to, then he has every right to say that. No one should be having guilt sex out of fear the other half will be hurt when told no.

So? She can refuse sex for any 'excuse' she wants, or for no reason at all.

I might consider, if my job allowed the time while wfh and definitely during a break 😂

While pestering and sulking isn't attractive, nor would it make me want to, I do think he's too trying to tell you he needs more. It's a clumsy way to do it but 3 weeks is along time.
My DH would also be frustrated if it had been 3 weeks and only 2/3 times a month, as would I.

You need to make a bit more time for each other, you said you missed your sex life too. Even if it's waking up 30 mins early once a week or letting your toddler have some screen time in the safety of their bedroom.

It's fine to suggest it, especially if you're not having sex much.

It's not ok for him to pester or sulk.

Fine to ask, fine to refuse.

If the real problem is your sex life is being neglected (tired parents, young children, familiar story), then this needs to be addressed and talked about - although not in the middle of work! Important for both to feel listened to and needed x

A word of warning - I did actually have a few quickies while being paid to work and was eventually sacked. It's a shame because I will miss that job as an airline pilot.

Does all sex have to be long and slow and take ages?

Ok, if you don't feel like it then you don't, but i don't think you should totally rule out the idea of a daytime quickie then a longer evening session. Maybe the first will get you both thinking about and looking forward to the second..........

YANBU mine also does this, the sell in of "it will be quick", oh yes that sounds fantastic thank you 🤣 or the "it won't last long" haha.

I honestly think most men would be over the moon if you turned up at their work and demanded sex.

this vice article is an interesting take on how womens libido is directly linked to how much their partner does round the house / how much of a man-baby he is.

www.vice.com/amp/en/article/88q3qk/man-child-scientific-term-new-research

i think it should be recommended reading for all men.

sounds like he handled it very badly - although it could have just been a very inarticulate way of expressing his needs. In the nicest possible way 3 times a month doesn’t seem that much. Although everyone is very different - I know I’d be in a very bad mood on that much.
Both me and my husband have been guilty of some pretty ‘foot-in-mouth’ passes when it’s been a few weeks as well. So women can be guilty of this too.

extremely unattractive to be hassled though. My husband has learnt that cooking the kids dinner and putting on a load of laundry is far likelier to get him laid than hanging round making pointed comments…. But I did have to tell him that. Maybe just have a convo with him and tell him what would help you get in the mood?
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good for you - well done 🙄

Yanbu that’s horrible . I couldn’t deal with that.

Totally this.

Sorry OP but YABU. He's making an effort which is important. There's nothing wrong with a quicky!! Finding even a small amount of time to connect together is important especially when you have small children and very busy lives.

Obviously if you don't want to have sex then don't, but don't vilify him for showing an interest.

Since when does 'making an effort' consist of hanging around aimlessly, interrupting a stressful piece of work, pestering, and then sulking?

WTF?

Not in all WFH jobs. Plus OP mentioned they have young children which makes the working day all the more stressful, all my breaks today have consisted of laundry, grocery shopping, oh how luxurious to have sex instead 🙄🙄 OP, YANBU. While it was fine for him to ask ONCE, it is disgusting that he persisted to ask when you said no. And then to sulk - how attractive. I don’t think I could be with someone like this. Gives me the ick just reading it.

Exactly! Raise your bar people 😂