To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

Literally no one said the man should be DBS checked.

One poster replied to a snippy comment about “OMG why worry about safety your kids see strangers every day” saying well with that attitude we may as well do away with DBS certificates.

HTH

Pmsl . Peak Mumsnet indeed.

No, he lived in China for a while

Some of the replies on here are so sad, my mum passed away last week and we were only reminiscing yesterday about the year my sister rang from the pub, half an hour or so before dinner, to ask if she could fit another person at the table.
A friend had turned up and would be alone with no dinner etc.
mum just said bring him with you, found another plate to warm and told us to rearrange the table. It was already set for 14 including our young children so another body wouldn’t make any difference. The hardest part was finding a seat for him.
I really miss my mum

I'm just telling you that if he was visiting school for one day he wouldn't need a DBS check.

And actually supervised without a DBS in a school DOES mean eyes always on the visitor. They’d even have to be taken to the staff toilet and waited on outside (the room not the cubicle).

And the answers you’d get would be ‘order an Indian’

I’m equally worried about your hysteria and paranoia that there is a paedophile round every corner. You are both as bonkers as each other.

That’s great and wonderful that your mum feel happy and comfortable to do that. Others won’t though. That’s ok too. Everybody is different. Everybody has different comfort zones.

It really is.

Well you'd have to really hate your brother to assume his friend would be one of them. I'd trust my brother not to want to bring someone obnoxious into my home (or his).

It's not even as if a DBS stops someone from harming a child. All it'll tell you is they probably haven't been caught doing it before.

YOU'RE!!!!!

My 2 year old is exceptionally shy with new people and can take a long time (up to an hour) to warm up when seeing family he hasn’t seen for a few weeks so yes, they would be shy! 4 year old likely to act up a little too.

it just changes the dynamic

and what if the baby is in a bad mood and crying lots etc? It’s many layers of added stress I could do without when I want to be in my pjs stuffing potatoes into my face

this thread has helped me - thanks everyone

No that’s not my logic at all. And your situation isn’t the same as the OP’s.

MIND!!! FFS

Yep.
The brother can be kind to his friend, and stay with him for Christmas. He doesn’t get to make his sister “be kind” on his behalf.

Well it seems like women should tolerate "well it's your fault someone will not be happy if you don't do what I want instead of me inconveniencing myself" at Christmas (but no other time. Than it would be "go NC" not "be kind".

The brother could well spend Christmas with the friend and show him around and just pop in for hi on other day. It's the "your fault" bit which would properly get my back up. No "I will be with him, it would be nice to come here, but fine if not, we will pop in on another day"...

It is EXACTLY the same. But with threefold danger.

I'd do this for my sibling or a good friend...they're generally good judgea of characters and the extra person is always very helpful and grateful to be included and hasnt ruined the dynamic or anything. I'm quite an introvert and a fan of routine but if I'm cooking for more than 5 or so anyway then feels like the more the merrier. But that's just me

Good to hear under 4’s are NEVER uncomfortable around strangers but do want to sit on their lap (WTF?).

Must have been a parenting fail of mine when my young mixed race DC were uncomfortable having to hear a racist rant of a stranger round the dinner table that time. Because it never happens…so maybe we imagined it?

Is Christmas even a big deal for this guy? Presuming because he’s travel away from home over Christmas that it might not be something he would usually celebrate with his family anyway?

That's a shame because I'm the safeguarding lead in school. A one off visitor doesn't need a check, unless they're going to be in regulated activity.

And I only mentioned the lap because clearly a child who is uncomfortable isn't going to do that. I remember the strangers my GF invited for Christmas as being the best bit. Always a lot of fun for us kids.

It’s the Ops house though.
She can cook, not cook, breastfeed, whatever she wants. Her house her rules.Why would she feel uncomfortable as a host in her own home? No one is putting her into discomfort except herself.