To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

For whoever introduced the bonkers thing abiut a dbs, as a one off this man would be able to visit a school without a DBS, provided he was "supervised" and supervised doesn't mean eyes on him every second either, just that someone's mostly aware where he is and what he's up to.

I wouldn't be bothered by an extra guest. I would be much more bothered by the fact that DB and guest were bringing their game console so presumably they could play that instead of join in the family Xmas day. I'm guessing they will install themselves in the front room, take over the TV and only emerge to be fed.

That’s a recipe I’ve never heard of 🤣 do you have to dip your tits in the gravy as it simmers?

I do like my brother. But again this thread has made me think as a number of his friends are extremely strange and not people I would have around my children - smoke weed etc.

also I like my brother but he is a huge man child and it is one of those situations where, for example, he has been to my house 50 times this year and I’ve been to his 0. So perhaps this is just an extension of me feeling a little used?

this isn’t a girlfriend or even a sister in law’s brother etc it’s a random I will never see again as he lives in China.

I agree, it would probably go more like “I am going to stay with a friend for a month. My visit falls over Christmas. Originally my friend said I could spend Christmas Day with him and his family but now he is saying I can’t come with him because his sister said she doesn’t want a stranger in her house. I am now going to be alone in a foreign country for the day and everything will be shut. AIBU?”

But tbh sounds like the brother is the issue either way.

How long do you reckon it takes to harm a child?

Yes, this

No I was being serious.

Sick of women being expected to put themselves at a discomfort to make room for men who are shit at planning things.

So by your logic the vast majority of family xmases are putting the kiddies at risk.

I can't think of a single family I know where at least one unknown plus 1 will be present.

Our family have 17 for lunch this year - there are 3 randoms (BF/GF/Friend) invited that I or my DC have never met.

I trust the judgement of my family to bring a +1 who is not an axe murderer to the Chrimbo Feast This is what NORMAL people do.

It would be a different story if a total stranger knocked on the door.

Oh Lordy. It's okay to not want a stranger in your house on Christmas Day, but to make out that anyone who does welcome someone in (even though we're talking about a sibling's friend so not a random off the street) is endangering their kids is just such hysterical bullshit.

This makes me feel mean! But then it also makes me feel angry that I am feeling mean when it’s 100% my brother’s responsibility

Presumably the friend is more than happy to crash though? Or maybe even expects it

Why is it?

Completely agree with this.

Another CF brother inviting unwanted guests to someone else's home for Christmas?

There seems to be an epidemic of them at present.

You don’t want this person in your house. That’s enough. You don’t want them in your house so YANBU by telling your brother his friend can’t come.

It’s fab that soo many other people don’t mind strangers in their house or are keen to have extra people. That’s very charitable.

no one should HAVE to do that though. Everyone is different, with different needs and boundaries. People should do what is comfortable for them. I consider myself fairly charitable, however I would express that in other ways and not by hosting a stranger at Christmas.

Christ, how awful

Well clearly because I really don't believe children under 4 would be uncomfortable with someone who's introduced as their Uncle's friend. They might take a while to want to sit on his lap, but just having him in the house isn't going to make them feel uncomfortable.

OP clearly isn't happy with it and she should just say so, but her reasons aren't really about the safety or comfort of her DC.

Just say no it's too stressful and baby hasn't had jabs/risk of strep/covid, whatever you want or don't want to say, its your house! Are you delegating tasks to parents, brother etc? And whether or not you invite him, NO games consoles. Was your mum a martyr type, is that why he wants to sit on arse and be fed? Is there a dynamic going on between you and him and mum contributing to this?

It's actually peak Mumsnet 😬😂

Anyway OP ask yourself an important question: do you trust your brother’s judgement? What are his friends normally like? Is he a bit childish or a bit of a plonker? As that’s what’s coming across. Many people here claiming they’d do it for their brother probably have normal, competent siblings but not everyone does.

I saw the other thread and was minded to get an opinion on my own situation. If you are accusing me of being a troll then by all means report - I’ve been a poster here for many, MANY years!

Why wouldn't he be happy to come for lunch if he's been invited?

Given your brother is a gamer and this friend lives in China is this someone he met gaming online? I would be more wary in that case I think.

Sit on his lap?? Jesus wept, I'm really getting worried about you