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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want a stranger at Christmas?

816 replies

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP posts:
Oneeyedreindeer · 19/12/2022 21:54

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 20:44

tbh I’m starting to root for him and his friend too 😂😂😍
And ... .DARVO! BINGO!!

IKWYM OP. I want to meet DB's friend now. DB ..? Not so much, go figure.

I offer fine line in arsekicking services to the gentry though, should you want to (cough cough) invite me for xmas.
OR ARE YOU PREPARED TO LEAVE ME AllAloneTM YOU SELFISH BABY?

I can let everyone know on Boxing Day what he’s like! 😀

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 19/12/2022 22:50

ArabianLeopardCub · 19/12/2022 20:21

@Emotionalsupportviper maybe I have been a little unfair on Joseph. I have read and reflected. He was a good lad on the whole. I just know that if I had been 9+ months pregnant, put on a donkey for 12 hours in the middle of winter, to be then told no reservations had been made at the Inn, useless bastard would be one of the kinder terms of endearment used that night.

I will allow you a hormonal abusive rant at a bloke trying to do his best before the days of Radisson or even Travelodge (Traveltent?).

Mr Viper gets it all the time and I'm long past the age where all of my eggs have dried up. He can't do right for doing wrong sometimes.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 23:03

Are we absolutely sure Joseph the Carpenter wasn’t Jesus’s dad? I mean I’m all for Christianity it I’m also all for science and I’m not entirely sure I buy the whole immaculate conception thing. I’ve long since thought they’d been rolling about in the bay, she was caught out so they devised a dodgy story before J The C could whisk her down the aisle

OldFan · 20/12/2022 12:44

The right answer is Jesus and/or the apostles would've welcomed a stranger BTW.

Pothoswithasparkle · 20/12/2022 13:12

OldFan · 20/12/2022 12:44

The right answer is Jesus and/or the apostles would've welcomed a stranger BTW.

That's because 1 side of table olways had spaces

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/12/2022 13:19

OldFan · 20/12/2022 12:44

The right answer is Jesus and/or the apostles would've welcomed a stranger BTW.

I bet Jesus and the apostles weren't the ones doing the planning, shopping, prepping and cooking AND the clearing up afterwards.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/12/2022 13:22

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 23:03

Are we absolutely sure Joseph the Carpenter wasn’t Jesus’s dad? I mean I’m all for Christianity it I’m also all for science and I’m not entirely sure I buy the whole immaculate conception thing. I’ve long since thought they’d been rolling about in the bay, she was caught out so they devised a dodgy story before J The C could whisk her down the aisle

Wasn't the Immaculate Conception about Mary being free of original sin, though?

Years ago I read a novel about Mary - can't recall who by or the title - but a bit stuck in my mind, Pilate hearing that Jesus was the Son of God. He reckoned it was more likely Mary had been having it off with a Roman squaddie and had palmed the baby off on her poor sap of a fiance with some nonsense about an angel.

Oneeyedreindeer · 20/12/2022 15:50

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/12/2022 13:22

Wasn't the Immaculate Conception about Mary being free of original sin, though?

Years ago I read a novel about Mary - can't recall who by or the title - but a bit stuck in my mind, Pilate hearing that Jesus was the Son of God. He reckoned it was more likely Mary had been having it off with a Roman squaddie and had palmed the baby off on her poor sap of a fiance with some nonsense about an angel.

That would be my first thought too….

OP posts:
Oneeyedreindeer · 20/12/2022 15:51

It reminds me of this meme

To not want a stranger at Christmas?
OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 20/12/2022 17:59

Pothoswithasparkle · 20/12/2022 13:12

That's because 1 side of table olways had spaces

😁

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/12/2022 20:26

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/12/2022 13:19

I bet Jesus and the apostles weren't the ones doing the planning, shopping, prepping and cooking AND the clearing up afterwards.

They had form for not thinking about the catering, leaving old JC himself to do a bit of magic with some bread and seafood - sounds like he was well aware of their lack of preparedness by the time it got to the Last Supper, as they couldn't think for themselves 'oh, we'll need to book a venue' and it was JC yet again who did the thinking for them;

"17.Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus to say, 'Where do you want us to make the preparations for you to eat the Passover?'

18.He said, 'Go to a certain man in the city and say to him, "The Master says: My time is near. It is at your house that I am keeping Passover with my disciples." '"
Matthew, 26

"13.So he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, 'Go into the city and you will meet a man carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him,

14.and say to the owner of the house which he enters, "The Master says: Where is the room for me to eat the Passover with my disciples?"

15.He will show you a large upper room furnished with couches, all prepared. Make the preparations for us there.'

16.The disciples set out and went to the city and found everything as he had told them, and prepared the Passover."
Mark, 14

"7.The day of Unleavened Bread came round, on which the Passover had to be sacrificed,

8.and he sent Peter and John, saying, 'Go and make the preparations for us to eat the Passover.'

9.They asked him, 'Where do you want us to prepare it?'

10.He said to them, 'Look, as you go into the city you will meet a man carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him into the house he enters

11.and tell the owner of the house, "The Master says this to you: Where is the room for me to eat the Passover with my disciples?"

12.The man will show you a large upper room furnished with couches. Make the preparations there.'

13.They set off and found everything as he had told them and prepared the Passover."
Luke, 22

I suspect The Messiah was well aware from his Mum still grumbling about the botched hotel booking and uninvited guests before she'd even delivered the placenta and their previous 'Oh, dear, there's no food' that somebody had to take responsibility for the most important meal of the year - so much so, he sounds like he was quite patiently (if not blatantly seething with the 'LOOK, I've already sorted it, go and talk to the bloke I've booked it with, put the chairs out not all to one side but surely nobody would be that daft and stop bothering me with this life death admin' that he's about to go through a sacrifice for the whole of Mankind and they can't even work out that maybe somebody should have taken on the feeding whilst He got to concentrate upon bearing the Sins of Humanity rather than the parsley and crackers.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 20/12/2022 20:27

@NeverDropYourMooncup you are a legend 😂

Pothoswithasparkle · 20/12/2022 21:24

Jesus. The original "never would have happened without them organising it" party mate

Pothoswithasparkle · 20/12/2022 21:26

@NeverDropYourMooncup honestly, that should be framed and forever saved somewhere 😂
Great eork. Great work

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/12/2022 22:36

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 23:03

Are we absolutely sure Joseph the Carpenter wasn’t Jesus’s dad? I mean I’m all for Christianity it I’m also all for science and I’m not entirely sure I buy the whole immaculate conception thing. I’ve long since thought they’d been rolling about in the bay, she was caught out so they devised a dodgy story before J The C could whisk her down the aisle

Definitely wasn't Jesus dad, but that doesn't mean Jesus didn't have a human father*. The Holy Spirit is what makes Jesus divine, not his mortal body.

Aslo - (Common misconception) - the Immaculate Conception doesn't refer to Jesus' birth. Mary herself is the Immaculate Conception - born totally sinless. She was free from the sina of Adam ("original sin") from the moment of her conception.

And "Original Sin" isn't sex (another misconception). It is disobedience.

*Excellent books on this topic include "The Illegitimacy of Jesus: A Feminist Theological Interpretation of the Infancy Narratives"

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/12/2022 22:38

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/12/2022 20:26

They had form for not thinking about the catering, leaving old JC himself to do a bit of magic with some bread and seafood - sounds like he was well aware of their lack of preparedness by the time it got to the Last Supper, as they couldn't think for themselves 'oh, we'll need to book a venue' and it was JC yet again who did the thinking for them;

"17.Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus to say, 'Where do you want us to make the preparations for you to eat the Passover?'

18.He said, 'Go to a certain man in the city and say to him, "The Master says: My time is near. It is at your house that I am keeping Passover with my disciples." '"
Matthew, 26

"13.So he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, 'Go into the city and you will meet a man carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him,

14.and say to the owner of the house which he enters, "The Master says: Where is the room for me to eat the Passover with my disciples?"

15.He will show you a large upper room furnished with couches, all prepared. Make the preparations for us there.'

16.The disciples set out and went to the city and found everything as he had told them, and prepared the Passover."
Mark, 14

"7.The day of Unleavened Bread came round, on which the Passover had to be sacrificed,

8.and he sent Peter and John, saying, 'Go and make the preparations for us to eat the Passover.'

9.They asked him, 'Where do you want us to prepare it?'

10.He said to them, 'Look, as you go into the city you will meet a man carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him into the house he enters

11.and tell the owner of the house, "The Master says this to you: Where is the room for me to eat the Passover with my disciples?"

12.The man will show you a large upper room furnished with couches. Make the preparations there.'

13.They set off and found everything as he had told them and prepared the Passover."
Luke, 22

I suspect The Messiah was well aware from his Mum still grumbling about the botched hotel booking and uninvited guests before she'd even delivered the placenta and their previous 'Oh, dear, there's no food' that somebody had to take responsibility for the most important meal of the year - so much so, he sounds like he was quite patiently (if not blatantly seething with the 'LOOK, I've already sorted it, go and talk to the bloke I've booked it with, put the chairs out not all to one side but surely nobody would be that daft and stop bothering me with this life death admin' that he's about to go through a sacrifice for the whole of Mankind and they can't even work out that maybe somebody should have taken on the feeding whilst He got to concentrate upon bearing the Sins of Humanity rather than the parsley and crackers.

Love it!😄

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/12/2022 22:39

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 20/12/2022 13:22

Wasn't the Immaculate Conception about Mary being free of original sin, though?

Years ago I read a novel about Mary - can't recall who by or the title - but a bit stuck in my mind, Pilate hearing that Jesus was the Son of God. He reckoned it was more likely Mary had been having it off with a Roman squaddie and had palmed the baby off on her poor sap of a fiance with some nonsense about an angel.

Ah! You beat me to it!

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 11:44

@NeverDropYourMooncup brilliant.

OP not reading the whole thread but hope you continue to stand firm against CF brother.

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 11:46

Oh and @NeverDropYourMooncup can you please start a new thread about the nativity, because your posts are really too good to be missed.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 12:37

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 11:46

Oh and @NeverDropYourMooncup can you please start a new thread about the nativity, because your posts are really too good to be missed.

Ask and ye shall receive.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4702652-messiahnet-1-aibu

Bluevases · 21/12/2022 15:33

Best Christmas thread!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/12/2022 17:44

Bluevases · 21/12/2022 15:33

Best Christmas thread!

It certainly moved on a bit. 😆

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 18:19

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 12:37

Mooncup you are smart as a whip & sharp as a knife, undying gratitude for the Mary thread, which is obvs gonna be a corker given:

Anyhow, everything's going great, I look fantastic - people keep saying that I've got a glow about me, IYSWIM

NaturalBae · 21/12/2022 19:13

I’ve not giggled so much out in public catching up on this thread 😄😁😆

clairelouwho · 21/12/2022 23:27

As many PP's have said, this is a hard no from me.

YANBU. There's nothing wrong with wanting a small Christmas family gathering. It absolutely will change the dynamic if a stranger is there-even if your DB does know him.

As far as the "you're selfish/mean-spirited/uncharitable/unkind" remarks go-why? Why does OP have to open her door and a place at her table to a man she's never met and will likely never meet again-for her DB who can't be bothered to play host to his own guest himself? Instead, DB turns the tables on OP and makes her responsible for his friend being alone on Christmas-when it's actually his fault. Not hers.

Why is it that when people, especially women, try and set boundaries they're labelled as being "unkind?" Even if their reasons are valid and understandable, there's still a message of "be kind" thrown about because there's nothing worse than a woman being seen to be unkind.

As for all the "I would always host all the waifs and strays of the community"-great, good for you. This post wasn't about you and what you would do, but about whether or not, given OP's circumstances and reasoning, she was being unreasonable. If you're happy to have people you've never met before over for dinner, great. OP clearly is not. Everyone's comfort levels are different. I personally would hate having a stranger over for Christmas dinner as I like it to be a strictly family time and I want to slob around, eating all the food without worrying what someone else is going to think.

Some people take a "more the merrier" approach and that is fine, but why is that approach seen as the only "good" approach? Why is it bad to want a small, intimate gathering of family?