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Original poster

MessiahNet #1 - AIBU?

34 replies

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 12:35

Posted by MaryNazareth at 12.07, XXI-X-c.DCCLIV

AIBU?

I'm due to have my PFB which I know is going to be a boy. He wasn't planned by me but as soon as I was told, I absolutely knew it was what I wanted.

My fiance wasn't too happy about it when I told him, especially as it's not his baby, but after a few days where he was thinking about splitting up, somebody had a word with him (or he had a dream, I'm not too sure which version to believe, but it probably involved a pub at some point) and he's decided that rather than risk me getting into a load of trouble, we can make it work. He's a great guy, works hard as a chippie and always wants to do the right thing.

Anyhow, everything's going great, I look fantastic - people keep saying that I've got a glow about me, IYSWIM - until he came round the other evening and said we've got to go back home for some government census thing. Fine, it'll give me a chance to meet some of his family and things have been a little tense at home what with sharing with my sister and my parents giving us The Look because they say 'We clearly can't trust you two alone now, can we?'.

So I packed some stuff up and got on the donkey. Poor little thing, my bum is about the size of a Ziggurat right now, but he just kept plodding onwards on the dusty road like a bright, shining star.

Fast forward (or plod onwards) four days and we're in J's home village, along with half of Jerusalem, by the looks of it. And then he tells me that he didn't book anywhere in advance, so we've nowhere to go.

I'm hot, tired, have an unquenchable craving for Garum/fish custard and figs (not having apples, I know that one didn't end well) and then J's told me that he's sorted out somewhere for us to stay for however long we're here.

It's a stable. Well, an outhouse where there's cattle lowing all night, chickens, goats, that sort of thing. And I'm not sleeping too well because I've been having Braxton Hicks for the last eight hours, not painful but very tight, so I think it might not be long until I go into labour. There's not even a cot, but then he says 'There's a manger, if we line that with hay, it's crib sized'

AIBU for telling J exactly what I think of him right now? He said I had to come on this trip as I'm part of his household even though I still live at home, he's not booked a room or asked his uncle to put us up in time, so every part of his house is full with assorted Aunties and Uncles and Cousins, and now he's expecting me to have this baby in a literal stable.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2022 12:43

Whooh-hooh!

Haven't got time to read now, but am coming back to join the fray!

fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 12:51

Well, if he didn't have the foresight to book a suite in a lovely boutique hotel for you at Christmas - when it's traditionally busy anyway - then I doubt your relationship will last.
I'd reconsider my relationship...oh and make sure the child is registered with YOUR surname, not his.

fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 12:54

I read your post to my DH - He thinks your son will be a very naughty boy.

RagzRebooted · 21/12/2022 12:56

Red flags, LTB. This won't end well.

CrabDuckDuckCrab · 21/12/2022 13:06

YANBU. I bet he hasn't even got you a Christmas present.

TintinHadToBeMale · 21/12/2022 13:13

Did ye, aye. Plenty of similar myths circulating around the area for thousands of years previous. Get hold of the bloke who really knocked you up and start campaigning for women’s rights to bodily autonomy.

BamBamBilla · 21/12/2022 13:14

Don't worry Mary, you'll get a push present from the knowledgeable males.

Original poster
NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 13:33

J's busying himself knocking up some sort of contraption from bits of wood to keep the livestock on one side and us on the other. I'm not convinced, especially as there's no walls and a huge hole in the roof - it's so big that the bright star that appeared in the sky a couple of years ago and had my Dad and his mates all talking about it at Temple for ages shines through all the time.

I just don't know. He keeps on saying it'll all be alright and we'll look back on all this later and everybody will say it's an amazing birth story, but it's just not what I'd expected for my baby. I know I should be grateful for everything, but I'm not with my Mum and sister who would have been my birth partners and even though he says there's nothing to worry about and he'll find a midwife if anything happens before it's time to go back home, I can't help worrying for my poor baby boy.

I do need to plan, though, in case I do go into labour. What else do I need? I've got that wretched manger, some lamps (although that star seems to be doing a good job of lighting the entire outhouse by itself), there's no wetnurse that isn't already fully booked for months, so I'll need to do that myself. Could do with something that smells nice, as the animals are causing issues in that respect. I should have packed my birthing bag, but we were in so much of a hurry, I just about managed to stuff a couple of frocks in the pack, including my favourite blue one.

I'm sure I've forgotten something. Can anybody think what else a newborn needs?

OP posts:
CrabDuckDuckCrab · 21/12/2022 13:46

Snacks? Something to wrap the baby in, obviously. It's a shame there aren't any handy musicians around to play something relaxing for you, or sing a bit.

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 17:46

Is there even anywhere to wash the poor child if you cant last out? I bet he left you to do all the packing,

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 18:23

TintinHadToBeMale · 21/12/2022 13:13

Did ye, aye. Plenty of similar myths circulating around the area for thousands of years previous. Get hold of the bloke who really knocked you up and start campaigning for women’s rights to bodily autonomy.

This ^^

I mean I know you're holed up in a lean-to, but honestly it's only the work of 2000 years a moment, you have time to get at least a few papyrus scrolls etched between contractions.

Tulipomania · 21/12/2022 18:24

Are you a Virgin OP, in the biological sense?

TheMarzipanDildo · 21/12/2022 18:25

I’m not being funny but where is the baby’s father in all this?

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 18:30

fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 12:54

I read your post to my DH - He thinks your son will be a very naughty boy.

There's always one isn't there Hmm
Lookit Cuppa, this is a women's space, & we don't need some hairy arsed DH bringing it with his opinions.

I can tell from here he's a Roman. Bossy bastards.
Tell him from me - people called Romanes they go the house.

Hughsrunning · 21/12/2022 18:31

Expect a few visitors to the stable to see the sprog -locals with livestock and a few wise travellers from the East. Rumoured to be major astronomical phenomenon in your area so look out for that.

Hughsrunning · 21/12/2022 18:33

Ah you've spotted the star 🌠🌠

MostTacticalNameChange · 21/12/2022 18:35

You can start by being grateful for what you have - not many people can afford to just up and travel (especially this time of year). And you have a partner who cares, My partner was crucified recently and I have 7 children to raise alone. Be grateful your loving partner has taken you away, especially when you are having someone else's child. Think before you post.

And, even though you sound like an entitled holier than thou primadonna, I am concerned when you said it wasn't planned by you...sounds suspicious, keep a log and make sure you get child support.

RoundedToast · 21/12/2022 18:42

I wouldn’t be too hard on J, airBnB’s are not always exactly like they look in the adverts.

What you really need is some gold/cash to see if you can find an upgrade on your airBnB, some frankincense to help with the smell and some myrrh or Boots own brand moisturiser as that draught coming through the roof won’t be good for your skin. Maybe you can get a Deliveroo?

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 19:06

MostTacticalNameChange · 21/12/2022 18:35

You can start by being grateful for what you have - not many people can afford to just up and travel (especially this time of year). And you have a partner who cares, My partner was crucified recently and I have 7 children to raise alone. Be grateful your loving partner has taken you away, especially when you are having someone else's child. Think before you post.

And, even though you sound like an entitled holier than thou primadonna, I am concerned when you said it wasn't planned by you...sounds suspicious, keep a log and make sure you get child support.

Well said Tactical.

OP is all smug now she's got this bloke Joseph in tow, but no doubt she'll jettison him when the next fancy man comes along. Bet the last one's some old-as-time Sugar Daddy, probably with a beard & samite robes & everything, ugh.

Sorry for your crucifixion-loss Flowers

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 19:14

I can't help worrying for my poor baby boy.

I know you say you "don't know the father" Hmm Judging NotJudging, but is there any history of impulsive or grandiose behaviour in his family?
You need to get that baby checked for ADHD as soon as. Or don't coming running to me if he gets up to all sorts of malarkey by the time he's about 33.

B1rd · 21/12/2022 19:14

LTB

Original poster
NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 19:32

TheMarzipanDildo · 21/12/2022 18:25

I’m not being funny but where is the baby’s father in all this?

I don't really want to out myself (or Him), but he's kind of - everywhere.

I could always talk to Him, but He's very busy and important helping people, animals and creating things. Kind of why I liked J so much, the Creation part of his job is very similar, even if it is usually plows and wagon wheels with the occasional temple or chicken coop roof rather than what the Father does. He's promised to keep an eye on us even though He's so busy, He never sleeps (but rests every 7 days) and I'm sure He'll see me alright in the end. And it seems a bit rude to be contacting Him when J's around, actually bringing home the salted and smoked non pig products.

These tightenings seem to be getting stronger and lasting for longer. I think this might be it soon, as all I want to do is mop where the cows have been and sit down for a while. Means I'll miss the big family get together planned for this evening, but that's not a bad thing, is it?

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/12/2022 19:40

Tulipomania · 21/12/2022 18:24

Are you a Virgin OP, in the biological sense?

That's a bit of a personal question... 😏

Original poster
NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2022 19:50

Posted by MaryNazareth

Hi guys, Baby name thread here.

Expecting PFB fairly soon (like this week) and I know it's a little boy.

We've got two names and can't agree on which right now. Mine has a significant meaning, but DP says that he should have a say in it. Normally, I'd say if he gives birth, he gets to choose, but it's a bit complicated in that the baby isn't his, but he's agreeing to take him on because we were planning on getting married when it happened and he'd have a load of trouble from his parents, neighbours and the Priests anyway, because they'd all assume that he was responsible anyway.

So what do I do? The choices are

Emmanuel/Immanuel/nn Manny
Jesus/Yeshua/Joshua/nn Yeezy?

Don't think there's a great deal of time to sort it out, as we'll need it for his bris as well and I'd never hear the end of it from J's Mum as she's already miffed we aren't going to call Him Jacob or Heli like his Dad - my Dad's more chilled and said we don't have to use his name because he got fed up of always having it spelled wrongly (it's Joachim).

OP posts:
mishmased · 21/12/2022 20:02

Yehovah?