To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

Hear, hear.

They probably only want beer, pizze and pork scratchings anyhow, Howard can it be?

Good point. Is the friend actually bothered about Christmas or is it DB freeloading a home cooked meal?

I think it’s been clear from the first post the DB is a freeloader who wants to do fuck all but take over OP’s living room with his games console. He’s hardly gonna be playing games suitable for 4 and under is he.

@Flapjackquack then you will always be part of the problem. Young children come first in situations such as these, and should not be afraid to express themselves. Anything else is emotionally abusive.

@Flapjackquack …and children commenting is not always rude or insulting either…

@CaitoftheCantii - noted, must allow little Flapjack to run absolutely wild and express himself in anyway he sees fit at all times or else I am abusing my child. Are your children “spirited” perchance?

You specifically said about your children asking rude questions! Is there something in the water today?? What is going on.

I usually limit myself to three because the rest of the family insist on having 3 each, too, the greedy sods, and I haven't the heart to refuse the dogs one each.

But I would (and have when I've been on my own) happily eaten a plate of yorkshire puds with gravy for my Sunday dinner, and considered myself well-served. Don't need meat, don't need veg.

I bliddy LOVE THEM!

@Flapjackquack well, let’s put it this way, they are allowed to be children😁

gannett I think I love you. Well said👏👏

OP I am laughing at all the things you should do to accommodate your brother and his mate. Hilarious.

Yes, keep Christmas Day for your family and mum. A Boxing Day compromise, but only if you want to.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

The fact that we both have mixed race children is perhaps the only thing we have in common as far as this thread goes. I still prefer to think the best of people - even men - before I'm proven otherwise. 99% of the time I'm not disappointed. I like it that way.

Come on OP, your brother, as a man, is allowed to threaten to leave his friend alone on Christmas, you, as a woman however, should listen to the posters telking you to show goodwill and welcome the friend, cook for him, etc. It's your fault if you poor brother, in his capacity as a Man, is forced to emsbe his friend due to the unwelcoming, cruel woman.

Of course YANBU, leave the freeloading, manipulative chancer to cook for him and his friend and use his own electricity to spend the rest of the day sitting on his console.

*forced to leave his friend

Autocorrect is not my friend at all today

I do too but on Christmas Day, when I think I only really get a handful of decent ones where it’s all about the kids and the ‘magic’ is still there (before they become stroppy teenagers or adults who may spend Christmas elsewhere), I don’t want to run the risk of having an awkward or unpleasant day.

She was already hosting and he was invited. How on earth has he made a woman host?

I think that might have been me.

I wasn't suggesting that anyone's festivities should be curtailed - just that if it made everyone feel better a couple of dinners could be plated up and taken home by the mother, when she went home at whatever time that happened to be and they Jolly Christmas Gamers could stick them in the oven and warm them through.

I am totally onside with OP refusing to have them to the house. Brother's guest, brother's responsibility.

An I don't think that any woman should have to sit on her own in the bedroom/bathroom and breastfeed a baby, either - that's a bliddy appalling suggestion.

"Her flaky, childish lazy brother who has a knack for keeping dodgy company"

You literally know nothing about these people yet you write stuff like this about them. What on earth is your problem?

We know what OP has told us all @INACGMOOH & the PP you quoted made a decent summary. Here are OP's own words:
I do like my brother. But again this thread has made me think as a number of his friends are extremely strange and not people I would have around my children - smoke weed etc.

also I like my brother but he is a huge man child and it is one of those situations where, for example, he has been to my house 50 times this year and I’ve been to his 0. So perhaps this is just an extension of me feeling a little used?

Brother offers to bring consoles is most likely to be his way of saying they don't want to be any trouble. Yes, it's clumsy and misjudged but I doubt it comes from the feckless standpoint you're promoting here.
Disagree. It was a disingenuous ploy.
He offered to bring the console round "to help entertain the kids" knowing damn well that the games are totally useless to the kids as they are too young for them.
If he doesn't want to be any trouble he could act like a proper uncle & play games DC can actually enjoy with him. You know - the boring, repetitive ones we all grit our teeth & pretend to be delighted by.

As for dodgy company. WTAF? There is absolutely zero evidence that this friend is "dodgy". What about the fact that he's likely to be lovely? Your stranger danger is off the chart.
See above.
Manchild with dodgy weed-toking mates.
That's not stranger danger, that's "DB's got form for hanging out with folk who like getting off their tits, maybe this chap I've never met is like that too."

This thread makes me sad. The milk of human kindness is well and truly sour.
It's ok to be sad.
You're just sad about the wrong thing.
It;s sad that in an attempt at brinkmanship, DB has threatened to leave his mate home alone if OP won't give him what he wants.
Leaving YOUR OWN MATE behind because you are too selfish & lazy to host them yourself, but expect your sister to do it, is much sadder than being irritated that your manchild DB is manipulating you to perform womanwork for him.

But why would that be your first thought before ‘the man could cook Christmas dinner himself’. As a PP said he has an oven and two hands.

THIS ⬆

No ones leaving anyone alone except the brother.

"I know it's unfortunate you got mugged by a stranger, but your own family beat you up at home anyway, so the mugger is irrelevant."

My favourite claim was the one that this man was ‘stranded’ rather than just on holiday 😂 I’m so pleased the OP seems immune to this BS emotive language problem are trying to use to blackmail her into hosting a guest she doesn’t want at her house who can have a perfectly good day at the place he’s actually staying.

Wasn't my first thought - it's just knowing how arsey families can be, it was an alternative. That's what I said. "at a push".

I absolutely agree that anyone could get a couple of frozen dinners at least, and bung them in on 200 degrees for however many minutes and feed themselves and a friend.

The wife work thing is a red herring IMO. Food and effort-wise this is just one plate of food from an already groaning table. And it's just a roast. Not a six course tasting menu with wine flights.

well, what a coincidence! My neighbour has just told me his Xmas plans have fallen through. If any of the posters who have said they are happy to host ‘a waif or stray’ could DM me, I’d be happy to pass on their kind invitations to my neighbour. He’d be overjoyed at the kindness of strangers (and is a dab hand at washing up)

We’d have offered to have him here but my children are feral and likely to ask if they can eat him instead of the nut roast..