To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

How about you stop being a martyr and relinquish some control, you will likely find the men are more than capable when they need to be and then it’s not all on you or the OP.

@Flapjackquack i think you are mistaking me for someone else now. I’ve literally said all along the man is capable of hosting his own guest.

Please tell me how I’m a martyr because I don’t want people flapping about in the kitchen, I want them elsewhere?

I’d find you mean OP. It’s only one more person. And the person on here who assumes every man must be a secret paedophile needs to get some counselling. Jeez!

🙄🙄🙄

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I never called you smug.

But thanks for calling me stupid and also projecting a whole new persona on my BIL.

Peace and goodwill to all men, and all that. 😉

you seem so hyper and overinvested.

This is less complicated than people are making it.

Are you being unreasonable for saying no to this extra guest? No. Your reasons are perfectly valid and your brother is more than capable of cooking dinner for the two of them - even if it’s all ready-prepared and he just bungs in the microwave. He had plenty of time to consider this when planning for his friend to stay over Christmas.

Are you being unreasonable for the “Ohhh, but now I feel mean” routine? A bit. You’ve made your decision; you can’t control anyone else’s reaction to it. Stick with it and if anyone else thinks it’s mean, that’s tough luck.

😂😂😂

@ShoveAHollySprigUpYourBum - Amen! Lydia has 94 posts in this thread at the last count. 😅

So you didn’t! My apologies.

But you did claim I pulled the ‘dodgy character’ from nowhere when actually the OP said it herself 🤷‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣🤣

How so?

And? Is there a limit on posting?

It was me that called you smug @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet - because you are. I am done now though. You have built up a bizarre picture in your head of some paedophile demanding to come to the OP’s house to be waited on hand and foot along with her lazy good for nothing brother whilst the women run round in a tizz, and have quite convinced yourself you have full insight of the situation. Have fun flapping around your kitchen on Sunday barking at everyone to leave. I have to say my favourite part was your incredulity that the friend would book a holiday knowing full well it was CHRISTMAS, despite him coming from a country that doesn’t particularly celebrate it.

We always spend Christmas Day together with another family as we both don't have family in the UK. One year my friend's cousin was visiting from abroad and he came to my house. It was the first time I met him and he was very welcome. For context, I had young children at the time. The more the merrier. He's not some random guy, he's your brother's friend.

I really do think you’ve mixed me up with someone else.

Ive never mentioned OP running around of being a martyr.

And her brother is quite clearly lazy and good for nothing. I never said anyone was a pedophile? I ah ent even uses that word IIRC on this thread. I’ve said it’s basic safeguarding not to let random men in the house when you have a busy day and small kids.

And maybe you can answer what I asked before - if this man doesn’t celebrate Christmas why the pressing need not to leave him alone? Presumably the DB isn’t glued to his hip for a month and will leave him alone at other times?

Gosh if Christmas isn't a time to be welcoming and have empathy, I don't know what time is.

IKR?
Its such a shame this simple concept hasn't occurred to the chap from China's host.

Who has already guilt-tripped his sister by informing her that if she fails to comply with his demands, he will leave his friend AllAloneTM.

And PP reckon his decision to leave his own friend, if he can't force compliance from OP is on HER, & not the man coldly planning to ditch his friend if he can't get his own way?

I would NOT leave my own guest alone on xmas day because I couldn't wangle a free pass for him at my sister's, but was too selfish to stay home with him, & too lazy to cook our own bloody dinner.

It's genuinely bewildering how many PP are (wilfully?) failing to perceive this.

"OP - you CANT leave him alone!"
Well funny that - 'cos her brother can, & has threatened to.

He's got no compunction about doing that AND using it to manipulate OP with.

I suggest you " socialise" your kids a bit more if this is what having a stranger in the house makes them behave like 🙄

@bloodyplanes hahaha - nope, it’s their home, they don’t have to ‘be seen and not heard’ in their own home. They have enough of that in society as it is…

😂😂 expecting kids not to gawp at guests and ask rude questions is not expecting them to be seen and not heard.

@CaitoftheCantii no one said they have to be seen and not heard? Weird comment to make! Its a very odd reaction for children to not eat and sit and stare if they have a strange person in their home! Asking embarrassing questions is what kids do, meh!

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet "But you did claim I pulled the ‘dodgy character’ from nowhere when actually the OP said it herself"

She has literally not ever typed the word dodgy. You're making stuff up here, Lydia. I genuinely feel sorry for you that you exist in such fear that the world is so heavily populated by abusers, racists and well... men.

That's you sorted now OP.

Accept your brother's hosting responsibilities for him AND go out of your way to pre-meet his friend so PP can pretend you have no further viable objections to make.

Perhaps you could drop a casserole in too. You're going anyway, how much work is one extra meal? It's not as if you have 3 kids to wrangle & your own life. Or maybe you do, but if you can't cope with that you are just plain Womanning All Wrong. A man has asked a favour of you, you must comply, or the pawns of the patriarchy will denounce you. For being assertive & having boundaries MEAN, a capital offence round these parts lately.

@Flapjackquack so what is it then? If kids can’t be kids in their own home? I expect you enforce strict instructions to always put someone else’s feelings - especially someone they’ve never met before, nor likely to see again - over their own feelings. Go and read the Stately Homes thread to see how that works out for them…

Woah. Pretty harsh response.

Oh I’m sorry she said “extremely strange and not people I would have around my children”.

That’s nothing like ‘dodgy’ at all 🙄

I have mixed race children, yes the world is populated with racists sadly and I worry about exposing them to that. Pardon me for ignoring that worry in pursuit of being The Kindest Lady. But I don’t hate my children so I wouldn’t let some random crash their Christmas because their host is too feckless to host his guest himself

@CaitoftheCantii - well my kid is 2 so I am delighted if he stays sitting at the table for a meal really. I haven’t quite got round to teaching him the norms of polite society yet. But I am really not sure how teaching your kids not to stare at people or ask rude questions is emotionally abusive 🤯.