Page 21 | To not want a stranger at Christmas?

Oneeyedreindeer · 2022-12-18T22:15:56+00:00

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day. i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:00

Women on this thread need to start expecting a bit more form their partners and family, instead of just complaining and complaining that they have to do everything!

Whos complaining they do everything?

So…women should expect more help but also take on a while extra person?

You could get an Olympic medal for those mental gymnastics

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:02

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 09:48

Whilst I fully acknowledge there is often an expectation on women to do everything, in this case the OP is insisting she does the cooking because her husband is terrible. Pure martyrdom.

My ex-H must have been a martyr too then Who knew?!
Oh! I knew! It was me who knew! Because I did every-fucking-thing else.
Hence EX-h.

Can't recall if it was OP or a PP who expressed this, but they said something about wanting the kitchen free of interference so they can focus when cooking, & appreciated all the other jobs being done by others. For all we know, OP's H shops, washes up, dresses & herds his kids, entertains everyone else & cleans the house from top to bottom. Statistically less likely than OP shouldering more of the load, but as shes not complained or even hinted at unhappiness about the domestic load, maybe she's one of the jammy marrieds.

Wanting to be the house cook is not martyring yourself. Unless you do everything else as well.

That’s our set up I cook and he does everything else. I much prefer it that way and find it easier. I’m not going to make someone who is crap at cooking do the roast whilst doing all the annoying bits I’d rather not do.

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 10:02

Ill wait for your apology

God you are smugly insufferable.

Ultravox · 19/12/2022 10:02

Some folks on this site are hilarious! Honestly…expecting a mother of 3 who is breastfeeding to deliver Christmas dinner to a fully able 35yr old man.

I’m pretty free and easy and we’ve had randoms for Christmas dinner before (an American friend of my sisters, a friend of my mums) but this does absolutely sound like they are using you.

In your situation I’d say sorry but no. You don’t even need to explain about the breastfeeding or the shy kids. It’s so obvious that you’d have a much better day without the stress of an unknown bloke joining you.

Tiani4 · 19/12/2022 10:02

I suspect bro didn't think it through at all and just assumed you'd do the work and he can sit in games console

The type of games even my teenage DS plays isn't suitable to be played on downstairs Tv infront of young DCs and frankly it's take over the lounge. Nor would I want them in a Tv in a bedroom upstairs they might as well stay home.

Bro has not thought this through. It's not his parents hosting and he's prodigal son bringing a friend, it's OPs young families Xmas day she has a new baby as well and it's CF to expect to tag along an uninvited stranger . It will change the dynamics and it's be a long shot that this "friend" is good with children and a pleasure to host. It doesn't matter anyway as OP isn't doing a large family Xmas meal hosting for the day. She's doing a small family Xmas that her mum and brother were invited unless they had other plans. Sounds like bro has other plans with his friend so if I were OP, I'd say "oh in that case of course you'll want to do something else with your friend Bro. We'll see you for Xmas another year when you haven't already made plans with other friends"

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:04

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 09:49

So why is the OP oh so put upon in your head then?! You have continually tried to build up a picture of some poor put upon housewife surrounded by CF men, when OP has insisted she do the cooking anyway.

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Have I?!

I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.

OP has said her OH helps. Good enough for me. My point is that her brother is taking the piss by expecting her to welcome her home to HIS guest (and his games console) that he hasn’t planned well for and can host himself. But no - he expects a gaming day with his mate and to be fed and wattmeter at someone else’s effort and expense. That’s my issue.

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 10:04

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 09:02

The man has a GF 🤣🤣🤣

All these people so happy for the gay brother who’s not gay - it’s the WEIRDEST thread I’ve read in ages!

Pleased you’re doing what you want OP.

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Oh Lydia, oh Lydia my encycloPIDIA, how I agree.

I suppose imagining you're clever to know that some people might be gay (despite evidence to the contrary) seems a fine way to establish your Right On creds. The kind of creds you might ike to believe you have, when confronted sneaking & unwelcome suspicions that the MEAN women are right, & maybe you HAVE internalised your misogyny so hard you can't even see it.

Hence it occurring to so very depressingly few PP that the guy from China is the brother's guest, that if he is left AllAloneTM it's because the brother, not the sister, has failed in his hostly duties.

Or that the brother could have offered to host at his gaff for a goddamn change.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:04

INACGMOOH · 19/12/2022 09:50

Let's take this ridiculous thread onto a sillier level.

Anyone else noting irony the fact that the OP's kids are probably being told that they might be visited alone in their rooms on Christmas Eve by a foreign man; a stranger as they've never met him who will leave them presents, and that's ok. But to have a different foreign man sit at a table with them the very next day isn't ok. Mixed messages.

OMG do your arms hurt from that reach 🤣

PatientZorro · 19/12/2022 10:05

Ah the spirit of Christmas is strong in the OP. Bah Humbug!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:06

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 10:02

Ill wait for your apology

God you are smugly insufferable.

No, I’m just right.

Unless you think I’ve lied about the OP describing her brother as someone who normally has dodgy mates?

HikingforScenery · 19/12/2022 10:07

PainfulAnkles · 19/12/2022 06:41

And what about the mum who’s trying to sit in the lounge feeding her newborn baby? Does she now have to make polite chitchat with a total stranger adult man while he stares at her leaky boobs?

Why would anyone start breasfeeding with others in the room anyway?
Surrly she’d go to bedroom/bathroom/ other room for that antway!!

You’re joking. Right?

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 10:08

bravelittletiger · 19/12/2022 09:02

Everyone saying he's a stranger- he's only a stranger to her- he's a close friend of her brother. I would definitely invite them. You're being mean.

No, YOU'RE being mean.

Oh, soz. I thought we were doing echolalia. You know, like Cancel The Cheque ...

INACGMOOH · 19/12/2022 10:08

You'll be waiting a long time, I'm afraid. I have nothing to apologise for; it's ok to disagree with people.

Loads of people take drugs. It's not ideal and I personally loathe them but it doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

One of my BILs is rather like the mental image you have of the OP's brother. We've hosted him at Xmas with a variety girlfriends over the years (some of whom we had not met previously). It was fine. He wasn't helpful but he was funny, and kind and he played with the kids. The girlfriends were sometimes helpful, sometimes not. It didn't really bother me and one in particular was a shocker (stayed in her room and only came out for lunch) and we laugh about it now.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/12/2022 10:08

Let's take this ridiculous thread onto a sillier level

Well, you said it. Then you did it.

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 10:09

Either way, DB should be hosting in his own home. It's only the 19th, he has 6 whole days to grow the fuck up and organise a Christmas feast.
😂

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 10:10

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:04

Have I?!

I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.

OP has said her OH helps. Good enough for me. My point is that her brother is taking the piss by expecting her to welcome her home to HIS guest (and his games console) that he hasn’t planned well for and can host himself. But no - he expects a gaming day with his mate and to be fed and wattmeter at someone else’s effort and expense. That’s my issue.

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Is it? Because that wasn’t your issue before when you mentioned Gilead. Keep it consistent at least.

SinnerBoy · 19/12/2022 10:10

Oneeyedreindeer has said that she wasn't consulted about this. She's not happy, or relaxed about the guy coming. She said no to her brother, but he's hassling her to acquiesce.

He has a problem entirely of his own making, but he's trying to put the blame and responsibility onto her.

I can't understand all the people saying that she should just suck it up, because they've had strangers and it was all fine. Everyone is different. It's her house.

INACGMOOH · 19/12/2022 10:11

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/12/2022 10:08

Let's take this ridiculous thread onto a sillier level

Well, you said it. Then you did it.

Yay!!

CaitoftheCantii · 19/12/2022 10:11

Some posters are taking the trope ‘goodwill to all mankind’ too far on this thread. It’s easy to say ‘oh, I’d take in a stranger for Xmas day’ on an internet forum, knowing it would never happen to them…

Babies and young children in the house? No strangers please- I want my kids to eat their dinner, not stare at the guest/ignore their food/ask loud (and likely embarrassing) questions. If the brother is so concerned, he can step up and do Christmas in his own home for them both. They can game to their hearts content instead of taking over my house to do so.

And I’m the same as the OP - if I’m cooking, I like to be left to it. My kitchen is tiny so even I get in my own way 😁

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:12

INACGMOOH · 19/12/2022 10:08

You'll be waiting a long time, I'm afraid. I have nothing to apologise for; it's ok to disagree with people.

Loads of people take drugs. It's not ideal and I personally loathe them but it doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

One of my BILs is rather like the mental image you have of the OP's brother. We've hosted him at Xmas with a variety girlfriends over the years (some of whom we had not met previously). It was fine. He wasn't helpful but he was funny, and kind and he played with the kids. The girlfriends were sometimes helpful, sometimes not. It didn't really bother me and one in particular was a shocker (stayed in her room and only came out for lunch) and we laugh about it now.

Really? You had a bit of a shit fit a kit WHERE HAVE YOU GOT THIS RANDOM INFORMATION FROM???!!!!!

Me: The OP’s posts

You: OMG YOI’RE SO SMUG

😂 it’s like conversing with a particularly stupid child. That’s not disagreeing that’s being outraged because you missed a crucial post from the OP.

Loads of people take drugs yes and people reserve the right not to have those sort round their children.

Sounds like your BIL is a disrespectful nightmare, just because YOU tolerate it doesn’t mean others should.

ShoveAHollySprigUpYourBum · 19/12/2022 10:13

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:12

Really? You had a bit of a shit fit a kit WHERE HAVE YOU GOT THIS RANDOM INFORMATION FROM???!!!!!

Me: The OP’s posts

You: OMG YOI’RE SO SMUG

😂 it’s like conversing with a particularly stupid child. That’s not disagreeing that’s being outraged because you missed a crucial post from the OP.

Loads of people take drugs yes and people reserve the right not to have those sort round their children.

Sounds like your BIL is a disrespectful nightmare, just because YOU tolerate it doesn’t mean others should.

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have you been posting on this thread all night?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:13

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 10:10

Is it? Because that wasn’t your issue before when you mentioned Gilead. Keep it consistent at least.

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The GileadNet comment was an attempt at humour after someone said the solution was a woman should take a grown man his meal round on Christmas Day. Which IS a ridiculous and sexist suggestion.

Never once claimed OP is out upon by her OH.

HTH.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/12/2022 10:15

ShoveAHollySprigUpYourBum · 19/12/2022 10:13

have you been posting on this thread all night?

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I’ve posted last night and today. Like many people. Your point being?

KettrickenSmiled · 19/12/2022 10:15

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 09:16

You can keep shouting about misogyny and Gilead but given both you and the OP openly admit you insist on cooking and don’t let anyone else in the kitchen, the only people putting expectations on you are yourselves. How about you stop being a martyr and relinquish some control, you will likely find the men are more than capable when they need to be and then it’s not all on you or the OP.

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How about you remembering there's more to the domestic load than just doing the cooking?

"Openly admit" 😂😂😂😂

Sisters! Lay down your oven gloves! It is time to ... RELINQUISH CONTROL!!!

Essexhousehusbands · 19/12/2022 10:15

Hey OP, your brother plainly sees you as a support human who can just provide food and entertainment for his friend. Without any thought to how it will affect you. Sounds like a nobber !

stick to your guns but what if brother and friend just turn up on Xmas day. Have a plan so you aren’t wronged footed.

no console.
DB play with the kids.
not enough food but you can have some bread and butter.

would he have the balls to do that? He sounds quite lazy so might risk so he can have a nice lunch….