To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

Anyone

Whilst I fully acknowledge there is often an expectation on women to do everything, in this case the OP is insisting she does the cooking because her husband is terrible. Pure martyrdom. My husband was shit at cooking when I met him, he certainly isn’t now. How do you ever expect anyone to get better if they don’t get to practise?!

Still doesn’t mean OP has to invite the brother’s friend blah blah blah, but it certainly is not the same as inviting a complete stranger into your house and definitely not the same as inviting a random homeless stranger off the street who are likely to have mental health/addiction issues ffs. That’s such a hyperbolic argument - oh you think the brother’s friend should come? Well why don’t you just pick a random person off the street to come to your house. It is not the same!

Your brother is being a major CF:

firstly by expecting it to be ok to bring a random stranger to YOUR house for Christmas dinner

and secondly by not accepting your first answer and continuing to harass you to change your mind

I’ve had my fill of CFs

Brother can cook and host for his own damn guest in his own house on Christmas Day

If he chooses to leave guest alone and come for dinner at yours then that’s on him

And another vote for NOT offering a lunch on Boxing Day, fuck that, you deserve to put your feet up after all the cooking on the 25th

I hope you can put this to bed asap and enjoy the run up to Christmas and the day itself without this cheeky-fuckery hanging over you

YANBU
It seems the brother would like to spend Christmas gaming with his friend, whilst being waited on hand and foot.
Screw that.
I hated breastfeeding in front of strangers, even when I’d got the hang of it.

What!!!! It’s a key part of the meal!

Then again I am from Yorkshire. People round these parts call 101 if you don’t have Yorkshires with a roast.

Your brother wants to sit and play Xbox with his mate and have his Christmas dinner handed to him.
This is how I’m feeling
No one would be playing Xbox if they came to my house for Christmas (or at any other time for that matter). If that's what your brother plans to do, he can stay at home with his friend and order a takeaway.
I thought this was perhaps a student friend who couldn't go home in the holidays, but in fact this is a grown man who has chosen to visit over Christmas (I'm guessing that as he's Chinese he doesn't celebrate himself as a rule so the dates are no big deal to him) and your brother - also a grown man - has chosen to host him.

Honestly this place is bathshit sometimes. Should be called GileadNet

We have beef with Christmas dinner because turkey is shit so Yorkshires are appropriate but I am unashamed to say we have Yorkshires with any meat when cooking a Sunday lunch because why would you deny yourself Yorkshire pudding goodness for the sake of tradition?!

What a batshit thread. MN really is a hub for profoundly inhospitable, hostile people who disguise that under a veneer of fake feminism.

My family would always readily welcome a lonely stranger at a loose end at Xmas (and not one of those strange men or women was remotely a danger to me as a child). I've hosted waifs and strays at Xmas. I've been a waif and stray hosted by others at Xmas. It's not just what Xmas is about, it's what community and society should be about. Not retreating into our exclusive nuclear family bubbles and making a cat's bum face at anyone who doesn't have the same.

The feminism aspect is absolutely the most disingenuous part of the thread because I'd bet cash money that if OP had a sister asking to bring her friend or if OP's brother's friend was a woman there'd STILL be the same reluctance. It's just inhospitability, plain and simple. Own it. "I don't care if someone else is on their own at Xmas" is not a feminist issue.

Also bizarre: the whole "he might be weird, racist, I might dislike him". How do you even meet new people if your default assumption is that they're awful? A friend of a friend is always welcome at a party I host because I trust my friends to have good taste in other friends. It's thoroughly bizarre to assume as your default reaction that your loved one's friend is likely to be a cunt.

God this place. OP you obviously don't want to have this guy over and ultimately you're in charge of that, I'm sure he'll survive, but you're thoroughly inhospitable and if you were my relative I'd lowkey think a bit worse of you.

You should absolutely not host if you can’t or don’t want to. Your brother can look after him. It isn’t your responsibility.

Though I find some of the safeguarding type comments on here verging on the ridiculous.

I don’t think a friend of her brothers is a ‘stranger’. I think YABU.

I would let him come (and I’ve also got three young kids and am breastfeeding).

Yes, you've invited him. Someone else hasn't and there's the ddifference. @Oneeyedreindeer I'm sure your brother can cook for his friend as he is the one with the visitor. Then you can relax and enjoy your day.

Absolutely this 👏👏

What? I genuinely don’t get this. There’ll be a house full he’s not going to be alone with them, and in this case OPs brother knows him, he’s not dragging a randomer off the street. Yes I’ve had strangers round for Christmas, and my parents insisted on inviting all manner of waifs and strays when we kids, season of goodwill to all men etc.

Friend could be lots of fun. Tricky situation, but I would just go with the flow. We are in a similar situation, MIL is hosting, she has an acquaintance who has no family, so she will be there on Christmas Day. None of us are big fans of this person, but we will be welcoming. It must be awful to have nobody to spend Christmas with. I would put your brother and friend in charge of entertaining the kids while you are cooking. Tell him in advance. Put a time limit on how long they are with you if you want to.

You do you boo!

Christmas really means inviting random people who are poor planners into your home?

Heres me thinking it was a religious holiday

Unless the Chinese man is pissing about on a donkey in labour in a time having an illegitimate baby could mean being out to death, I don’t think it’s the same.

Would you go eat your Christmas dinner in the bathroom?

I wouldn't give in to your brother if you really don't want to and after this nagging.

That being said, last year my sister took a (male) friend to Easter celebrations at my mom's house. After some questioning it turned out it was the young man's birthday and he wasn't really welcome at his parents house. He very much enjoyed being part of a big family celebration.

I'm not from Yorkshire but I wholeheartedly agree with this!

Somebody one said to me that a yorkshire pudding "cheapens" a Christmas dinner. I loudly disagreed.

Any 'gravy" dinner is lifted to the heights of Ambrosia on a plate by the addition of one (or better still, more than one) yorkshires, and I will die on this hill.

I will forgive much of someone who can present a light, well-risen Yorkshire, crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, and served the minute they come out of the oven.

The rest of the dinner can wait. The yorkshires deserve better!

The man has a GF 🤣🤣🤣

All these people so happy for the gay brother who’s not gay - it’s the WEIRDEST thread I’ve read in ages!

Pleased you’re doing what you want OP.

Everyone saying he's a stranger- he's only a stranger to her- he's a close friend of her brother. I would definitely invite them. You're being mean.

It’s misandry to expect a 35yo man to cook for his own guest?

Fuck me some of you need to set your bars for men higher.

What’s wrong with that? It’s not a democracy, she doesn’t have to go with the majority. She’s exercised common sense.