Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a stranger at Christmas?

816 replies

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP posts:
INACGMOOH · 19/12/2022 07:40

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 06:36

The whole Christmas message is literally about welcoming the stranger…

This.

I think that this thread is MN at its worst. The misandry, selfishness and paranoia on here from some posters is something else. It shows how far away Christmas has moved from what it is supposed to be about.

FoamingCup · 19/12/2022 07:42

If your brother expects you to bring left over food, I'd say you are freezing it all due to COL but that you'll bring some biscuits if he provides tea, coffee, juice when you pop over to his on Boxing Day.

But TBH, if he is so entitled and immature, I'd not see him at all over Christmas, I'd prioritise friends and other family. What a big old man child. His poor girl friend. Where will she be on Boxing Day, working again? What does she think about her BF having this guy living there for 4 weeks? I'm not surprised to hear he's not settled at 35. How did he end up so spoilt and entitled?

FoamingCup · 19/12/2022 07:50

It shows how far away Christmas has moved from what it is supposed to be about.

😂
It shows that women are no longer going along with what demanding men expect of them. Hurray to that I say. 🎄

In any case, Christmas is about the birth of God's Son, Jesus and how he came to give us love, hope and joy. It's very loving of the OP to prioritise her young children and her and their wellbeing. Not having an entitled and puerile brother playing consoles all day will increase the joy factor massively for her Christmas.

Tashface · 19/12/2022 07:50

If your brother invited his friend to stay for a month over Christmas, why can't your brother stay at home with his friend on Christmas Day? I'm amazed that he thinks it's just okay to invite him to yours.

Pothoswithasparkle · 19/12/2022 07:56

People got swayed into mess with the safeguarding issue completely disregarding that it is not op, but the brother who would be leaving the guy alone.
If you have guests, it's your responsibility. You can't go around and demand them being invited. You yourself make sure you don't leave them alone fgs. Any other time the brother would be called total CF.

Knowing distance travel over Christmas the trip was planned for a while. Another poing of contempt.

Stravaig · 19/12/2022 07:57

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 06:36

The whole Christmas message is literally about welcoming the stranger…

Exactly. So OP's brother should be laying on a Christmas feast for his guest, in his own home, and inviting OP and her family to join them. Not abdicating his responsibility as a host and a human being, and expecting his sister with 3 tiny children to do it for him.

This isn't about OP, or about 'the stranger'. It's about a 35-year old wastrel brother, and about the mother who raised him to treat women this way.

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 08:06

Like so many threads, this one is pointless. The OP has made up her mind and is looking for validation. She will not pay attention to anything that does not confirm her POV, so we are all wasting our time posting on here.

thefiddlerselbow · 19/12/2022 08:06

Will trade you random male stranger for my MIL... please!!!!

thefiddlerselbow · 19/12/2022 08:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That was my thought too...

MatronicO6 · 19/12/2022 08:07

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 06:36

The whole Christmas message is literally about welcoming the stranger…

OP, you could actually solve the problem by just telling us your location.

I'm sure one of the posters with this attitude would love to have him!!!

MichelleScarn · 19/12/2022 08:10

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 08:06

Like so many threads, this one is pointless. The OP has made up her mind and is looking for validation. She will not pay attention to anything that does not confirm her POV, so we are all wasting our time posting on here.

Since when did posting be about getting others to change your mind?

Howyiz · 19/12/2022 08:11

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2022 22:18

YANBU. If he mentions it again just uninvite him. They can spend the day together so his mate doesn’t have to be alone.

Second comment nailed it. Tell your brother to jog on!
Definitely tell him that you'll all call over to his on boxing day and then bring a box of biscuits to have with your tea!

Moonatics · 19/12/2022 08:12

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:24

I just think its not very kind! How hard is it to invite and be hospitable to one extra person?

Fabulous, if your so invested in being kind, send your address to OP and offer to take the stranger and the brother.

Coffeetree · 19/12/2022 08:14

Honestly, make it clear and unequivocal to DB that friend can't come. Don't cave and then spend the day seething. I've been the guest in that scenario (was told "it'll be fiiiine") and it's so embarrassing and miserable. Would have much rather been alone that Christmas!

Sometimes it's nice inviting a random along, but this is not the year for you.

And Honestly, your DB can go fuck himself.

SinnerBoy · 19/12/2022 08:15

PortiasBiscuit

Like so many threads, this one is pointless. The OP has made up her mind and is looking for validation.

Or perhaps some moral support?

I think it's out of order for him to tell her he's invited someone and that it's his problem and tough shit on him. She should stick to her guns.

FabFitFifties · 19/12/2022 08:16

brother is essentially blackmailing op by "he will be alone" and not even considering being with him. This with jinglebells on. OP, your children are your priority on Xmas day. If this situation stresses you out, don't do it. Like others on here, I would be OK, in my situation, but I can certainly empathise with a breastfeeding, mother of 3, who is already hosting family. Others here seem to be struggling with that. Joy to all men, however.

ACynicalDad · 19/12/2022 08:16

Really sad not to welcome someone in on Christmas Day who is away from home unless they are 100% going to ruin the day. It doesn’t sound like there is anything particularly worrying about this person.

Tulipomania · 19/12/2022 08:16

YABVU.

This comes up every year on MN and every year I am shocked at the bitterness and closed minds of many posters.

TarasHarp55 · 19/12/2022 08:18

To all those who think the Ops being mean not wanting a stranger in her house, I'm sure there's plenty of strangers you could host for the day.

Plenty of homeless people would love an invite off you.

SinnerBoy · 19/12/2022 08:19

Yes, but that would be her choice and her decision. Not one foisted on her by someone presumptuous.

Tulipomania · 19/12/2022 08:20

As for, 'it's about the children', I would also want my children to learn not to be so insular and unwelcoming.

What if one of your DC was stranded somewhere alone at Christmas when they grow up. How would you want others to respond?

And I don't see what the gender of the guest has to do with anything, would the OP be more inclined to welcome a female friend of her brother's at the family Christmas. I don't think so.

Tulipomania · 19/12/2022 08:22

@TarasHarp55 My family has done this a few times. Not homeless people, but friends of friends or distant relatives who were away from home at Christmas. It has always been a positive experience.

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/12/2022 08:29

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

YANBU.

If you will be uncomfortable in your own home because there is a stranger there, then you are right not to invite his friend. And as the friend is your brother's guest, then he should stay with him. Your mum can take a plated meal for the two of them at a push.

It sounds, as you say, that your brother and his mate intend to just sit and play on the console all day, eating and drinking and not interacting with the family. Bugger that!

Will your DH and DM back you up? I mean, stick to your guns, obviously, but it would help to have them onside.

I'll bet your DM is sick of the two of them already.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 19/12/2022 08:30

I'd let him come without a second thought and he'd be very welcome. He's your brother's friend, not a total random!

I was in Australia one year by myself without obvious christmas plans and actually got a few invites to people's houses. I went to my friend's mum's house with the whole family and multiple young children and was made very welcome, it was a fantastic Christmas.

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/12/2022 08:32

PortiasBiscuit · 19/12/2022 08:06

Like so many threads, this one is pointless. The OP has made up her mind and is looking for validation. She will not pay attention to anything that does not confirm her POV, so we are all wasting our time posting on here.

I think she's looking for moral support - I don't consider it a waste of my time to back her up and I hope she isn't emotionally blackmailed and bullied into giving in.

Swipe left for the next trending thread