To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

Chinese don't celebrate Christmas, so it wouldn't feel particularly sad for them if they didn't have a party to go to on Christmas day.
I wouldn't invite them and would also consider disinviting DB if you say he's "harassing" you with his demands.

I'm simply here to say that I am aghast at how many people have Yorkshire puddings with Christmas Lunch.

All kinds of wrong!

Obviously if you are having beef that's different

Loving the spirit
Just what you need with leaky boobs hahahah

She’s working

I also think the dynamic would be a bit different if I was having, say, our entire family for Christmas (2 other brothers and their partners etc) or extra guests. If it was more of a massive get together.

in reality it’s just DH, me, the children, my mother and a brother. So an extra person we’ve never met will tip the balance.

I think a reasonable compromise would be inviting him and his friend on Boxing Day for leftovers. More of a 2 hour brief lunch than an all day Christmas thing and I won’t be cooking/the exciting day is over. No games consoles allowed.

DB needs to stay with his friend on Christmas

^this is why I adore mums net 😂

Everyone else reading the post : yeah I mean I totally get that and it seems completely reasonable they’d feel that way.
That one poster who jumps straight in the comments: You sound selfish/ like hard work. I mean you’re an awful person for not wanting to breast feed and share your Christmas with a total stranger.

😂😂😂😂😂

this is a bit obtuse. obviously I’m just latching on but I would still rather not do it in front of a stranger at home. I would feel obliged to throw a muslin over and cba with that when I have so much going on.

to people asking why I’m cooking - DH is a shocking cook and my mother and brother expect to just be hosted but they will at least entertain the children (DH will anyway!)

someone said this is silly but genuinely they will be distracted from entertaining the children if they are sitting making small talk with one guest/they will have to as we couldn’t just have him sitting alone etc. as I said, different dynamic if we had a bigger party!

I would feel beyond used at this. I am not deliveroo! I said upthread DB has mostly wanted to come for Christmas again, it sounds like, because he enjoyed my cooking! I think Boxing Day lunch is more of a fair compromise

My brother is 35, if that makes a difference

he is not some 18 year old student with a young student friend!

sounds maddening with your brother

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

your Christmas cooking attitude is a lot like mine! I don’t want anyone doing the cooking but me / I want everyone else pitching in with the children/keeping the house relatively free of wrapping paper/stopping the children from tipping the tree over!

I’m laughing at the poster describing my husband, mother and one brother as “many other adults to help”.

i also can’t get over the idea I cook lunch and take some to my brother’s place for him!

How unkind. You're setting a poor example of what Christmas really means, IMO.

Who lays the table? And who cleans up?

To everyone saying 'not with young children in the house', how is this any different to brother bringing home a partner to meet the family for instance? The brother isn't suggesting he pick up someone from the bus stop that he's never met, it's a friend of his FFS.
OP why don't you offer a compromise? Tell your brother to come with his friend for lunch, but they are both to leave early evening.

I don't understand. How is it OP's job to be an example-setter for xmas, & who are you to tell her what you think it "really means"?

What example is her brother setting? He's invited a houseguest from abroad, but can only entertain him on xmas day by appropriating his sister's house & labour.
How unkind.

The whole Christmas message is literally about welcoming the stranger…

I grew up in a house where we always had waifs and strays at Christmas. I loved it tbh and I don’t really see the problem. He won’t be alone with your children and he might be fun!

I always hope to be on the receiving end of hospitality just like mine.

If I invite you, my mission is your comfort & enjoyment, & I am here to focus on you but also ensure you have your own personal space for downtime when you want it.

If I have not invited you - why are you here?

This works for me, because I don't gatecrash other people's hospitality, or expect to foist randoms on them.

And what about the mum who’s trying to sit in the lounge feeding her newborn baby? Does she now have to make polite chitchat with a total stranger adult man while he stares at her leaky boobs?

Why would anyone start breasfeeding with others in the room anyway?
Surrly she’d go to bedroom/bathroom/ other room for that antway!!

Not in the Uk it isn't. It's about consumption & preferably a longish break from work.

And if he isn't fun, that's fine, because OP, her DH & her kids have to #BeKind & suck it up huh?
And it's also fine for the focus to be on making small talk with the stranger instead of making fun with the DC?
OP needs to entirely change her plan & the dynamic of a very small family gathering, because her brotehr is incapable of entertaining or cooking for his own guest?

Why are you so set on OP hosting her bother's 'waif & stray' (how patronising btw), instead of - & I know this may come as a shock to you - her brother HOSTING HIS OWN GUEST?

Are you genuinely not seeing the gender bias of your own assumptions?

I think it's not nice for the children to have a stranger in their home, it will change the dynamic. You don't owe your brother anything OP, he can host Christmas himself, and invite his friend and other strays along, what a baby.

ooops, 3 different ways of spelling 'brother', must be a creative genius

WTF? Of course you breastfeed wherever you like in your own home and don't lock yourself away in a different room 😂. Who's to look after the older kids when mum excuses herself about 10 times a day to hide in the bedroom? Her brother and the stranger? Ludicrous.

ha!

New plan:

"Sorry DB that doesn't work for us - we've decided we're all coming to yours as it's high time you took a turn at hosting. You've got just enough time to get your turkey ordered, we'll leave it all to you as obviously when YOU are hosting it's OUR turn to contibute fuck-all to the costs or work."