To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

My brother did this to us one year. It was awful. The pair of them got drunk and turned it into a lads night. It ruined Christmas. The mention of bringing a games console that your kids are too young to join in with makes me think lads night. If you want a relaxed family Christmas that your kids are fully involved in stick to your guns.

Oh and you can bite my arse if you want

You need to explain to your brother: this is HIS guest. It's his responsibility to make sure his guest is not on his own for Christmas day, not yours. If your brother wanted to have Christmas dinner cooked for him by you, he shouldn't have invited a guest to his house over Christmas!

No doubt he thinks he's exempt from cooking and entertaining at Christmas and it's his birthright to spend the whole day drinking, eating and playing video games.

If he is also my brother’s friend, then sure.

I have repeatedly said that OP doesn’t need to invite him but this whole “you invite a complete stranger over then” is really starting to grate. OP’s brother knows the guy. It’s not like the OP’s brother plucked him off the street and invited him round to OPs. There is a connection.

My brother used to bring home a new gf every year who we had never met. He was a serial dater and dates woman much younger than him and would expect us to be ok with it. I didn’t go home one year I was so fed up of it. He’s still a knob, he’s nearly 40 and single.

YANBU your house your rules!

Sounds like a nightmare - I’d be barking at everyone to fuck the fuck off out my kitchen! Helpers keep the kids away, lay the table, entertain guests and take the pudding out the fridge.

I wouldn't mind a friend of my brother's coming but then I trust him to pull his weight and pick friends whom I would feel safe having around kids. My family Christmases often involved a mate from overseas or new partner.

My brother also absolutely wouldn't try and engineer it so they were both sat playing video games after getting fed.

I see the two points on here- Team 'season of goodwill' and Team 'it's your house'. If you don't want him round that's up to you, fine. But is there any middle ground such as 'he is welcome for Christmas Dinner and an hour afterwards, but I need to be able to trust you to explain that and take him home without any hinting or pushing from me seeing as I've got the new baby and it's not ideal. No bringing consoles and you can wash up/ peel the spuds/ bring XYZ'.

👏

@Oneeyedreindeer I do think it's a tough one,mainly because if having the small kids, without them I would say absolutely fine, if it were me and depending on how sentimental your brother is about it being Christmas day , I would say no to the Console, maybe all your brother wants is to game for the day with his mate and have dinner handed to him, could you offer to drop off dinner to him and his mate at his place would he actually prefer that option? I know thats extra work but could be the simplest option!

Thing is, tradesmen are needed to fix whatever’s broken. It kind of can’t be helped. And they don’t sit down for a family meal presumably. You can keep the kids away very easily (rule in our house is if there’s tradesmen you stay in the living room, mostly because I wouldn’t want my DC getting in the way or DA trying to poke at power tools!)

It’s not MY kitchen, I share it with my husband for a start. It works really well for our family and no one gets to be the martyr.

Except the friend is a star her to the OP. Whose home it is.

Why on Earth are people claiming this man isn’t a stranger?! A stranger is someone you’ve never met!

I’m really enjoying this exchange 😂

Why does the OP have to be charitable? It’s her home, and her family. Why can’t she have boundaries?

@Flapjackquack MY THOUGHT EXACTLY

@Orangepolentacake - I thought it was the same poster arguing with themself at first glance as my brain only acknowledged “long username with bonnets at the end”

I have not.

I am not confused.

Hang on - you didn’t have a rip roaring time where the Christmas Spirit shone through, and you and your kids made friends for life with this person?!

You must have done something wrong?

The middle ground is surely ‘brother can host his friend’

U ok hun

Why does the OP have to do this? Why can’t her Brother cook a Christmas meal.

Yes, this would be more work for the OP. Therefore, how would it then be the simpler option for the OP?

🤣

If I’m cooking Christmas lunch it’s my kitchen that day and everyone else can piss off 🤣

Jesus but suggesting the answer is to send cooked meals to the brother’s home rather than tell him to cook himself really shows the depressing reality of how low women set the bar for themselves.

I didn't see before that the brother wasn't even invited in the first place - he invited himself!

He should be hosting his own friend for Christmas dinner if it's important to them to have it. It would be kind if he invited your mum too.

He's got a real cheek saying that if the friend isn't invited he will be alone. Your DB doesn't care enough about this to stay home with him - it's clearly your job to provide Christmas for the menfolk!