To ask what age your kids were before you could have a civilised meal in a restaurant?

[WildWombat]

Without mess, tantrums, having to take colouring to keep them quiet while you wait... It's feeling very far away for me at the moment!

DC1 was about 6 or 7.

DC2 was easy from birth onwards.

Is there anywhere near you that does buffets? That was always good for mine. Kids love getting up and down and choosing their food, and there is no waiting.

You do need one adult per child to manage them at the buffet when they are little though.

It depends on the child, if they haven’t really learned to sit still and socialise quietly at mealtimes, just make a few games out of “eating out” with them at home, with the reward being a trip to a restaurant to show off their new skills - it’s the same as “first day at school” really - you just show them what is expected…

DC1 - very wriggly child so probably not until about 3. He never sat still.
DC2 - always happy to sit so was easy as a baby/toddler.
As they got older - both were very easy individually. Together was a lot more variable.

DC1 from 4 (5 now and still needed entertaining but it's fairly quiet eg colouring and she will chat with us too)
DC2 is 18m and very much a handful (normal for her age and usually happy enough, but it's definitely not a relaxing meal for us!)

Even with DC1 we only take her to family friendly places.

Mine are 6 and 8 and utterly feral. We still don't do meals anywhere other than family targeted places.

My eldest two are teenagers so they already can go to them now if they want to.

DC is 2.4 and we've taken him to cafes, carverys, hungry horse type places since they re-opened post lockdown. He has was great until about 18 months, and its been down hill ever since. If we can get him to sit in his seat for longer than 30 seconds when not eating, its a miracle (he refuses a highchair when out) and it definitely takes the full shooting match of crayons, sticker book, toy car / play doh.

I thought this was normal, but having read some of the responses I wonder if he is more feral than we thought.

The smugness on here! I too believe life shouldn’t change too much with kids and am extremely laid back. I also have a toddler who sits still for all of two minutes, loves to throw things, wants to run around and doesn’t really like new people. Eating out is a challenge in speed-eating and not getting stressed at slow service. We persevere, but relaxing it ain’t! I’ve found leaving him with someone else is the best chance at a relaxing meal!

What’s smug about people having different experiences and sharing them when asked to do exactly that? You might find it unhelpful but it doesn’t mean they’re lying or remotely smug.

I assume if a parent calls themselves 'laid back' then their children are probably those dreadful feral children that run around disturbing other tables and screaming and shouting while the parents smile benignly on while drinking their pinot grigio.

I wouldn't worry too much. If it's hard work you're putting the effort in. Small children are psychopaths and taking them out to dinner is a constant battle and I've never seen a decent parent not spend the entire meal controlling their behaviour. The challenges change as they get older, that's all.

I don’t get the smug issue. Op asked a question and not all dc are the same

You always get smug responses to this kind of question. Some kids can behave well in restaurants from an early age as long as they're sensible parented (clear expectations, colouring books, not too tired etc). Others are just a massive handful whatever you do and take longer before they can sit nicely. My eldest was a horror in restaurants until about 5 now at 9 he's an absolute dream - loves food, makes intelligent conversation, perfect table manners etc. His younger sister was fine from the age of about 3 but is less bothered about good food so it feels a bit of a waste taking her somewhere nice when she'd be just as happy with harvester.

Why smug though?

It’s just a response, people get a bit defensive

I don't think it's the sharing of experiences that gets people's backs up, it's the whole, "my children were impeccably behaved because I am an excellent parent who did everything properly, darling, not like these oiks who just give their child a tablet and ignore them."

The reality is simply that some kids are more restless than others, and while good, consistent parenting will certainly help in most cases, it isn't fair at all to insinuate that restless children at a dinner table must not have been parented properly.

From 4 it gets better I think but even then you can't stay for long and don't want to risk taking them somewhere fancy. Until 4, leave the kid with someone if you can and enjoy your meal with adults.

Since birth with both of mine.

2,3,4,5

They were civilised at table at home, so perfectly used to it.

Teenager age

Well, I only have one so cannot compare. I first took her with us to dinner when she was 3 months and havent stopped. She is fine.

My son was taken out to eat (by us and by my parents) very regularly since he was a baby. He was always pretty well behaved, but he was an exceptionally easy child.

Since they were born. None of them have ever been hugely into colouring or sticker books, so we've never really taken anything for 'entertainment', we usually just talk amongst ourselves.

What’s there to be smug about? Kids who behave better at restaurants at an earlier age just tend to go to them more often or enjoy the experience. It’s not rocket science that the more exposures kids have to a certain environment the better they will cope with them / the better parents will find a way to cope.

In countries where you see kids behaving well at restaurants, restaurant eating / social dining is the norm not the exception and kids are welcomed from birth even if they need to eat home made food. That’s not smug that’s a fact.

I wonder if some people have selective memories if their children are now alot older

This is definitely a thing. MIL and SIL are adamant that DN never had tantrums, and loved to remind me of this every time either of mine so much as whinged in public when they were toddlers. DH and I both vividly remember witnessing DN having some spectacular tantrums when she was little, but there's no point getting into it so we just smile and nod.

It's smug because you continue to assume that all kids could be good to take out if only they went early enough and often enough and were socialised properly. Like yours, natch.

Where as plenty of people are telling you that their kids are simply not able to enjoy sitting still , eating, and talking. However much effort is put in.

One of mine was like that, and then suddenly became an enthusiastic foodie, trying everything and enjoying a broad and sophisticated range of food.