Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Ok, I think you do need to look at this with a view of having the police have a word telling her to back off then avoid all contact. This does seem to be panning out the way some predicted early on in your last thread. She was setting the scene by letting you know what she expected from the start.

Without being outed I want to be honest with you. Where I lived before we had terrible trouble with one tenant and were so relieved when they moved out that as soon as the new tenant moved in we were left such anxious nervous wrecks that we told them straight away how bad it was and how we didn't want problems like that again.

Effectively we turned into your neighbour. It was because we were so anxious and nervous and had experienced so much excess noise that the slightest sound put us on edge. It wasn't long before I realised we were becoming the problem with complaining about the smallest thing, but it was born out of fear of the same thing happening again.

I think through my own insight that may be what's going on with your neighbour, except she can't see that she has now become the problem. It's not uncommon when people have gone through hell at the hands of a previous tenant they over compensate to try and control any noise around them. Thankfully we were able to see we were becoming the problem and back off a little.

Councils can still issue injunctions on private homeowners, fyi.

Clearly she can hear it as she was correct when she said it was on at 6am. We got the injunction for a 6am wash happening 3 days a week every week.

I'm not saying i agree with your neighbour, i dont, at all. She is being a dramatic busy body, I'm just giving a heads up that an early washing machine is typically considered antisocial.

She didn't say it was on at 6am but she made veiled references to the fact she cares about others so only does laundry after 10. Because people like a lie in.

And clearly I don't care about anyone else according to her.

You said you were going to ask your friend who's a police officer for advice and have also spoken to the police. Have they advised you or are they just coming out on the 28th ?

So text her to stop contacting you . Keep it short.

"Stop contacting me. No more texts, no more banging on my door nor putting notes through my door. It is harassing and I wish to be left alone by you. I am blocking your number"

Then DO block her number. She's one of those inappropriate negative people you need to completely blank and ignore
Let her find a new victim to prey upon

Perfect. High time to do it OP.

They've heard the basics and would like a chat about potential harassment which is why they're calling round. They'll advise me to do what's been suggested here I expect but I want to see if anything else happens before that visit though I'll be out a lot over Christmas before blocking her number which I shall do.

I also contacted the council who said it's normal household noise and it wouldn't go anywhere even if she reported it as noise equipment wouldn't pick it up.

What are your reasons for not blocking now - this is all in your control. Why walk around on egg shells and ruin your Christmas when you can do something now. You know she is unreasonable - just tell her.

As I said I want to see if I get any more communication about disturbing the dog's lie in or opening the door.

Coincidentally my neighbour across the street told me this afternoon she'd been doorstepped by her and found her too intrusive and inappropriate.

You don’t need to have any more evidence - you have enough. Just put a stop to it and enjoy your Christmas.

At this point you seem to be inviting and enjoying the drama, OP, even if you won’t admit it consciously to yourself. Block her.

I'm enjoying nothing. I'm a nervous wreck with several sick cats, a scary medical appointment tomorrow and there's nothing to enjoy. Stop it.

I agree with @OverCCCs - can't see any good reason why you won't just bloc k her now. You're waiting to see if you get any more communications? Why? You obviously will. You had lots of good advice, even down to the wording of your message, which you don't seem to want to take.

When you say doorstepping, do you mean she's knocking on doors uninvited/unexpectedly simply to start intrusive conversations? Or do you mean bumping into her in the street when you're outside at the same time and she starts talking? There is a big distinction between the two and I doubt the police will view the latter as harassment.

No, the latter. That's not harassment. I meant engaging in inappropriate chatter. Though I do view her endless messages to me as harassment.

Messages, yes. Conversations you can feasibly shut down and walk away from, no.

I think it's ok to wait until after the police have been to block her, but up until now have you actually told her to stop complaining/contacting you? Because (as I see it) until you do she's not technically doing anything wrong, and I would guess it would be helpful for the police (and you) to know if she is still persisting in harassing you after she's been told to stop. That way if the police are minded to 'have a word with her' they are in a better position if they can say 'look here you nutter, saffron has asked you nicely to stop and you haven't, now we are telling you to stop and if you don't we'll take further action' etc etc

So I think you should make a reasonable, clear and polite statement to her asking her to stop contacting you as you are doing nothing wrong asap. Otherwise if the police go and see her she'll almost certainly say 'saffron gave me her number and told me I should message her anytime if I had any issues, so that's what I've been doing - I don't know what the problem is?' and you'll end up looking daft!

Hope your appt goes well tomorrow and things improve for you all round

This is a really good point, OP. If the police do speak to her – and I'm afraid I don't think they will based on a few texts and some conversations that you've found inappropriate – she is going to plead ignorance because you gave her your number, haven't actually said anything about her being a pest and haven't blocked her either. It could actually inflame the situation because she could argue you contacting the police about her is you being vexatious.

A waste of police time OP if you do also really have a police officer coming round to talk with you, as you've never fond this NDN that her texts etc aren't welcome. You've not even told her to stop.

Plenty of advice on here with wording and to keep it short.

Police aren't there for public friendship advice you soo ok me to your friend police officer friend for advice, you don't need a uniformed officer too.

It's only a potential criminal offence of harassment if she continues to contact you after being told to stop

I agree, complete waste of police time.

I’ve no doubt you find her behaviour distressing but you can’t told her that. You’re setting her up to turn this back on you, as far as she’s concerned you’ve maliciously called the police on her as she hasn’t done anything wrong.

The police can and should ask you what you’ve done about it, they’re not there to go and have a chat that you can’t have yourself.

It seems really odd that you’re finding her behaviour so distressing and harassing, but you won’t take the simple steps of telling her that or blocking her number. Getting the police involved at this stage seems really excessive.

To be honest though it does sound like you are sometimes making quite a lot of noise at odd times and you don’t seem very open to reflecting on that or making any adjustments.

This has been going on for months now and looking back at the previous thread OP has not shut it down from the start in spite of repeatedly being advised to just block her when it first started. Clearly it wouldn't have escalated this far had that advice just been followed months ago, which makes you wonder if subconsciously both parties may be getting some kind of emotional fulfilment from the situation without realising it. Of course OP will vehemently refute that as she will be unable to see the role she has played in the escelation herself by not instantly shutting it down on day 1 and not speaking to the woman again. Instead she volunteered her contact details and practically invited contact from what we could all see was going to be a weirdo from the very first exchange.

I am amazed the police are even going out and could not advise over the phone .

How unpleasant and immature of you @Flaunch to resort to name calling.

I contacted the police and environmental health for advice on where I stood if she reported me. I've not asked them to visit me and I haven't reported her to either agency. Pathetic? I think not. Information gathering? Very much so.

I'm getting no fun out of this. I've bigger problems including health issues, than getting enjoyment out of this idiocy. I want nothing to do with her. She's blocked and hasn't contacted me for two days. Long may it continue.

@TheUndoing I do not 'make noise' at odd times'. I do normal household tasks. If 'making noise', ie getting several cats into baskets, out to a car and driving them to an emergency vet is 'making noise at odd times' how exactly is it recommended that I do this? Leave them until the morning when she's out of the house and risk them all dying of poisoning?

@JoyBeorge I get sufficient emotional fulfilment from my work and friends - and cats. I don't need it from her next door. I never want to see or hear from her again.