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Original poster

Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

407 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 19:56

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

OP posts:
Foodieasfuck · 22/12/2022 10:34

Your neighbour sounds really annoying. I think even if you did bang the door shut (even though usu didn’t) it’s once in a blue moon. You should be able to do your washing in your own home whether it suits you to. It sounds like you’re hardly home. TV’s can be annoying when you can hear them through the wall but it really doesn’t sound like you have yours on a high volume.
if your neighbour wants silence then she should move to a detached house in the middle of nowhere. She can’t expect you to live your life in a way that suits her.
just start ignoring her texts. She will soon get the message and if she doesn’t then block her!

Foodieasfuck · 22/12/2022 10:38

Just read the bit about your cats. Your neighbour sounds bonkers!

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 10:52

It feels like I'm being targeted and bullied now.

OP posts:
XanaduKira · 22/12/2022 11:02

It sounds like you are Op - that's why you need to send the message telling her to stop and that you'll be blocking her and will no longer engage with her at any level.

It's not to late to get her to stop, before she escalates even further. Good luck.

XanaduKira · 22/12/2022 11:02

*too

Tiani4 · 22/12/2022 11:16

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

You have enough evidence now that she's entirely unreasonable. And that she will continue to low level harass you with her passive aggressive moaning.

There's nothing to be gained by trying to remain civil with her as she's making you miserable in your own home. . And she doesn't care about your feelings or impact of her behaviour and entitlement - I mean how dare to exit your house at 7am 😱 She's the type who would moan that "next doors ambulance lights woke her and she couldn't get back to sleep so can you not have heart attacks except between 11am to 4pm please?" GrinHmm

So text her to stop contacting you . Keep it short.

"Stop contacting me. No more texts, no more banging on my door nor putting notes through my door. It is harassing and I wish to be left alone by you. I am blocking your number"

Then DO block her number. She's one of those inappropriate negative people you need to completely blank and ignore
Let her find a new victim to prey upon

fenellavonspurtz · 22/12/2022 11:21

You can probably get a community order against her if you document enough evidence and speak to police. Depends if you want to remain friendly with her or not (sounds like not?)

liarliarshortsonfire · 22/12/2022 11:24

Stop contacting me. No more texts, no more banging on my door nor putting notes through my door. It is harassing and I wish to be left alone by you. I am blocking your number

This is a great response.

Then carry on as normal, open and shut your door at will and put your washer on when you need to.

gamerchick · 22/12/2022 11:36

OP tell her to piss off and block her number.

Tbh I'd start banging a random door me, she might move on and don't give out your phone number anymore.

monsteramunch · 22/12/2022 11:42

I think I send something like:

"I gave you my number in good faith but your accusatory messages are unnecessary and unwarranted. I am perfectly considerate of all my neighbours, including you, and will continue to be. I am going to block you to draw a line under this."

Can you identify what it is that's stopping you blocking her? Is it that you're worried it will be awkward to see her afterwards? Because people like her completely rely on your concern about awkwardness to get their way / continue their behaviour.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 11:47

monsteramunch · 22/12/2022 11:42

I think I send something like:

"I gave you my number in good faith but your accusatory messages are unnecessary and unwarranted. I am perfectly considerate of all my neighbours, including you, and will continue to be. I am going to block you to draw a line under this."

Can you identify what it is that's stopping you blocking her? Is it that you're worried it will be awkward to see her afterwards? Because people like her completely rely on your concern about awkwardness to get their way / continue their behaviour.

To be honest I've had such a hectic week. I've got nothing prepared for Christmas yet, cards not sent and some presents not bought, and some very stressy stuff going on at work, plus I have a medical appointment tomorrow that's really worrying too. I'm glad now I didn't block her because of this. She now knows the situation and I hoped she'd feel ashamed. But as can be seen from her response, it's all about her, no worries about me and my own emergencies!

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 12:35

I've contacted the police who agree with me that she is harassing me and what I am doing is perfectly legal and not out of order. They're going to come for a chat with me after Christmas.

OP posts:
whowhatwerewhy · 22/12/2022 12:41

I think you should just block her . Seems a little OTT to contact the police when you haven't even approached her yourself .
Maybe text her saying "you gave your number in good faith but she's abused it . She seems to have unrealistic expectations of general household noise, that is not your problem. You will now be blocking her number so she can no longer harass you . "

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 12:42

whowhatwerewhy · 22/12/2022 12:41

I think you should just block her . Seems a little OTT to contact the police when you haven't even approached her yourself .
Maybe text her saying "you gave your number in good faith but she's abused it . She seems to have unrealistic expectations of general household noise, that is not your problem. You will now be blocking her number so she can no longer harass you . "

I contacted them for advice, not to report her.

OP posts:
LaBellina · 22/12/2022 12:51

whowhatwerewhy · 22/12/2022 12:41

I think you should just block her . Seems a little OTT to contact the police when you haven't even approached her yourself .
Maybe text her saying "you gave your number in good faith but she's abused it . She seems to have unrealistic expectations of general household noise, that is not your problem. You will now be blocking her number so she can no longer harass you . "

She’s asked for advice to prevent that things will escalate. Wish I had done that when I was in the beginning of the OP’s situation. Also, your home is supposed to be your safe haven. If you have a neighbor who is trying to ruin that it’s a serious matter.

iknowimcoming · 22/12/2022 12:53

I'd reply to her "you are obviously overly sensitive to even the slightest noise, so it does seem like you would be better off living somewhere with no close neighbours. In the meantime, please refrain from contacting me with any further complaints about noise levels which are completely normal in daily life. In the event you feel the level of noise from my property is unreasonable, please contact the relevant authorities."

Then block her and forget about it, move on with your life Flowers

LaBellina · 22/12/2022 12:59

iknowimcoming · 22/12/2022 12:53

I'd reply to her "you are obviously overly sensitive to even the slightest noise, so it does seem like you would be better off living somewhere with no close neighbours. In the meantime, please refrain from contacting me with any further complaints about noise levels which are completely normal in daily life. In the event you feel the level of noise from my property is unreasonable, please contact the relevant authorities."

Then block her and forget about it, move on with your life Flowers

I think this is a very good message. Polite but very clear and firm.

TheLadyOfHay · 22/12/2022 13:20

I would be tempted to reply, let me know when you are moving. I will save some boxes for you and help you to pack

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 22/12/2022 13:25

I deal with ASB for my job so deal with ALOT of people who moan about hearing doors bang.

Door banging is classed as daily life noise, and an expected noise when you live close together. If you were stood for 10 minutes opening and slamming it incessantly that would be different. She needs to get a grip!

Washing machine at 6am, unreasonable. We served an injunction for a tenant who insisted on using their machine early, so the courts clearly agreed that using a washing machine at 6am is antisocial. I would use your time delay so its washing during the day.

Otherwise, block her number and just get on with it.

JoyBeorge · 22/12/2022 13:26

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 10:52

It feels like I'm being targeted and bullied now.

That's because you are. Learn from this. Your neighbours are neighbours, not your bff's.

JoyBeorge · 22/12/2022 13:33

So now that you've had the latest tirade, you're going to block her now yes?

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 13:36

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 22/12/2022 13:25

I deal with ASB for my job so deal with ALOT of people who moan about hearing doors bang.

Door banging is classed as daily life noise, and an expected noise when you live close together. If you were stood for 10 minutes opening and slamming it incessantly that would be different. She needs to get a grip!

Washing machine at 6am, unreasonable. We served an injunction for a tenant who insisted on using their machine early, so the courts clearly agreed that using a washing machine at 6am is antisocial. I would use your time delay so its washing during the day.

Otherwise, block her number and just get on with it.

The washing machine is not on at 6 every morning. At the risk of repeating myself repeatedly, I get up at 6 and some mornings, maybe once a week, I put it on between 6-7. I leave for work around 7.15-ish, she leaves a while after that, but when the washing machine is on, she is up and about getting ready to go to work so I am not waking her up.

We live in terraced houses. My washing machine is as far from her house as it it possible to be. The person on the other side of me who also owns his property and he has never said a thing.

As it happens, he was up and about at 4am starting up his car yesterday. I wouldn't dream of complaining. I don't know why he was doing that - shift work maybe? I only heard it because I was up with the cats after the horrendous night I'd had.

What sort of dwelling are you talking about in your example? I am not a tenant. I own this house outright. She is renting privately. This has all kicked off from September, a week after she moved in. I had the TV on loudly ONCE and she thinks she can dictate what I do and when because I felt so guilty after that. I was mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 13:38

JoyBeorge · 22/12/2022 13:33

So now that you've had the latest tirade, you're going to block her now yes?

I am waiting to see if I get anything when she comes back from work. I'll not block her until I have seen the police on the 28th as I want to see if she sends more messages or tries to contact me by notes or door knocking. The police do want to see all the texts that she's sent me.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/12/2022 13:45

As an aside. Washers are a fire hazard and shoudnt be left to their own devices in an empty house.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 13:53

gamerchick · 22/12/2022 13:45

As an aside. Washers are a fire hazard and shoudnt be left to their own devices in an empty house.

I'm usually around getting ready for work. It's always on a quick eco wash.

OP posts: