Page 7 | Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 2022-12-18T19:56:11+00:00

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour. I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed. Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway. Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it. She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her. I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time. I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her. Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Tiani4 · 22/12/2022 08:33

I'm just hear for the update if NDN does complain.
OP she hasn't yet and you're already dreading it, instead of feeling able to concentrate only on your naughty and poorly cats! I hope they are all well today- they're so weird for eating onion

That aside if you're dreading your NDN's response you normal living your life and dealing with unexpected emergencies, then hee "complaining" is affecting your peace of mind. It has become harassment and you should treat it as that.

I can't see that you have told her to stop texting, stop coming round and to leave you in peace.

For your own sake, tell her you've had enough of her and to leave you alone.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 08:43

As predicted ...

Another night with no sleep as got woke up for door being banged loudly at a silly hour n chitty chattying outside and banging around at gone 11.30pm at night so couldn't get back to sleep so now shattered for work !

OP posts:

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:19

I'm just so fed up wherever I live that people bang doors and are so noisy and at daft times and don't think of others I never bang a door I'm always thinking of other people I don't put my washer on early etc I love Lyins at weekends but don't seem to get them anymore I just don't understand why can't turn the handle n close it quietly it sounds terrible in my house it even made our Bella jump other weekend wen you went out around 7am on a Saturday I think it was as I av my daughters dog every week, I think I'll just see how it goes, my lease runs out in summer so I'll av to see x

OP posts:

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:24

The above was from her when I responded to her complaint. I might see the landlord.

OP posts:

monsteramunch · 22/12/2022 09:36

How did you respond to her complaint OP?

I don't think I would have bothered!

DeadDonkey · 22/12/2022 09:37

Why haven't you blocked her...

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:43

Did you not explain that it was a veterinary emergency and your cats could die?

Why speak to her landlord though? She's not actually, technically, doing anything wrong in complaining about what she perceives as noise nuisance because you have her your number to contact you. Plus, she's probably already spoken to the landlord herself if she's the complaining kind and they might already believe her version and be annoyed with you that you are costing them a tenant. So I just wouldn't go there. I would not reply and BLOCK, like everyone's been telling you to for pages and pages.

That said, I am with her about people using a handle to close a door rather than just pulling it shut, because the click really is much louder! My DC does it and it drives me nuts. But that doesn't apply to front doors.

KettrickenSmiled · 22/12/2022 09:45

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:24

The above was from her when I responded to her complaint. I might see the landlord.

Thank feck for that. I thought you'd had a brain aneurysm.

DO NOT RESPOND to her message.
That's what she wants, & all it will get you is more of the same, so stop feeding the ravening beast.
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock#uses

even made our Bella jump other weekend wen you went out around 7am on a Saturday
How fucking unreasonable of you to exit (& presumably re-enter, you recidivist) your own home.

If you continue to engage with her, you validate her complaints no matter HOW you respond to them. She will perceive it as her entitlement to instruct you how you are allowed to use your own home, it will escalate, you will become increasingly gaslit* & you will end up contorting yourself & feeling constantly on edge, guilty for stuff you haven't done, & anxious.

(gaslit -Remember how it felt when you worried about closing your own wardrobe door? When certain PP mysteriously 'knew' that you are a noisy fucker? Responding to this neighbour will create a dynamic where you feel like you have to cross-question & second-guess yourself, & that HER batshot views carry more weight that your own logical conclusions)

Obvs you still need to send a 'cease & desist' before quietly blocking her.
But don't rush to it.
When you are ready, send something that feels right to YOU from the various suggestions upthread, then Grey Rock.

KettrickenSmiled · 22/12/2022 09:46

Did you not explain that it was a veterinary emergency and your cats could die?

Why should she? She has no actions to defend.
Defending a non-existent crime makes it seem like a crime has been committed.

OP - outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

MusicstillonMTV · 22/12/2022 09:47

I would consider getting her some ear plugs. Wrap them up beautifully and out a little bow on top and give them to her for Christmas

KettrickenSmiled · 22/12/2022 09:48

That said, I am with her about people using a handle to close a door rather than just pulling it shut, because the click really is much louder! My DC does it and it drives me nuts. But that doesn't apply to front doors.

OP has explained - time & again - that she does not do this.
She is careful to use the handles.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:50

KettrickenSmiled · 22/12/2022 09:48

That said, I am with her about people using a handle to close a door rather than just pulling it shut, because the click really is much louder! My DC does it and it drives me nuts. But that doesn't apply to front doors.

OP has explained - time & again - that she does not do this.
She is careful to use the handles.

Oh I know OP isn't, I'm just saying it's a bug bear of mine and it's clearly this woman's too. Once it's in your head as a trigger, it's hard to ignore it.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:52

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:50

Oh I know OP isn't, I'm just saying it's a bug bear of mine and it's clearly this woman's too. Once it's in your head as a trigger, it's hard to ignore it.

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Sorry, should clarify – so even if OP's not doing it, the slightest sound is convincing the woman that's what's happening. It's not rational, believe me I know, but she could have misophonia as I do and therefore ANY noise is triggering. It might explain why she's moved so many times.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:52

Sorry, should clarify – so even if OP's not doing it, the slightest sound is convincing the woman that's what's happening. It's not rational, believe me I know, but she could have misophonia as I do and therefore ANY noise is triggering. It might explain why she's moved so many times.

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None of that is OP's fault though. She really should block and I don't get why she still hasn't.

Overandunderit · 22/12/2022 09:55

Why haven't you blocked her?

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:58

I hadn't blocked her yet and glad I hadn't now. The response to last night was way over the top and proves even emergencies aren't acceptable in her book. My response to her was below which provoked a selfish missive about her lie ins being disturbed and how selfish everyone else is.

My night was also disturbed and immensely stressful. Four of my cats ate something that was potentially highly toxic and they had to go to the emergency vet. We had to open and close the door and talk but this wasn't banging loudly or chit chatting, rather discussing how to deal with four potentially poisoned and terrified cats.

OP posts:

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 22/12/2022 10:02

BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER BLOCK HER

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 10:04

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 09:50

Oh I know OP isn't, I'm just saying it's a bug bear of mine and it's clearly this woman's too. Once it's in your head as a trigger, it's hard to ignore it.

Show quote history

I'm not sure if she ever hears the couple on the other side of her. They have a young daughter who's often quite noisy. But I'm on my own so easier to challenge I guess.

OP posts:

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 22/12/2022 10:05

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:19

I'm just so fed up wherever I live that people bang doors and are so noisy and at daft times and don't think of others I never bang a door I'm always thinking of other people I don't put my washer on early etc I love Lyins at weekends but don't seem to get them anymore I just don't understand why can't turn the handle n close it quietly it sounds terrible in my house it even made our Bella jump other weekend wen you went out around 7am on a Saturday I think it was as I av my daughters dog every week, I think I'll just see how it goes, my lease runs out in summer so I'll av to see x

She can't even spell.

Block her.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:09

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 22/12/2022 10:05

She can't even spell.

Block her.

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That's uncalled for. She might be dyslexic.

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:12

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 09:58

I hadn't blocked her yet and glad I hadn't now. The response to last night was way over the top and proves even emergencies aren't acceptable in her book. My response to her was below which provoked a selfish missive about her lie ins being disturbed and how selfish everyone else is.

My night was also disturbed and immensely stressful. Four of my cats ate something that was potentially highly toxic and they had to go to the emergency vet. We had to open and close the door and talk but this wasn't banging loudly or chit chatting, rather discussing how to deal with four potentially poisoned and terrified cats.

Your message is really good but you should add to that:

It seems that anything I do is cause for complaint and I now regret giving you my number as I don't appreciate the constant barrage of texts when I've done nothing wrong. I won't be replying to you any more.

THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BLOCK!!!

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:13

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 10:04

I'm not sure if she ever hears the couple on the other side of her. They have a young daughter who's often quite noisy. But I'm on my own so easier to challenge I guess.

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You should ask them. If she's harassing them too, you could collectively complain to her landlord.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/12/2022 10:15

Inkpotlover · 22/12/2022 10:09

That's uncalled for. She might be dyslexic.

Show quote history

I think she's just using short versions of words, ie text speak.

OP posts:

silentpool · 22/12/2022 10:19

I like to tell those kind of people that I can hear them too...but I haven't complained about it. Takes the wind out of their sails.

XanaduKira · 22/12/2022 10:25

You need to add @Inkpotlover 's paragraph & then block her. Once that's been sent, then grey rock her. Fingers crossed she does move out in the summer.

Continue living your life Op & do your best to not let her get to you (although appreciate how hard that might be).