She kept reiterating it was ok if we didn’t go

[Whenwillthissicknessend]

Am I being paranoid?

Christmas mums and kids meet up today, fairly small group, organised by a newish mum. Dd has been not feeling great and I said in the last couple of days that she’d been not that well, but we wanted to come and would try to make it. Other friends in the group saying they were sad she was unwell and they hoped to see us etc.
The mum who organised it just kept saying ‘Don’t worry not to be there’ and saying she didn’t expect us to be there and saying the numbers now were such and such, basically not including us.
Am I being paranoid in thinking she didn’t really want us there?

It might depend on the illness - I hate sickness bugs so steer clear of them but my pal hates coughs because she’s got asthma so she steers clear of them.

Probably not paranoid but surely sense says you don’t take your sick child to a gathering just before Xmas and infect everyone?

It's not about hypochondria or germ phobia. Or at least it's not for me.

It's about the fact that because DH earns twice as much as I do and his boss is a bit of a dictator, whenever the kids are sick it always fails to me and I have to cancel all my work, rearrange my whole schedule, etc. it's a massive pain in the arse. And if it can possibly be avoided, I avoid it.

You could take it she's being kind to you and wants to be your friend, by making sure you won't feel bad if you don't go. The other mum who child was unwell maybe she's not bothered about. There are many ways it can be taken. It's a busy time, and she's probably clearing up the mess left so hasn't got back to you saying she missed you there.

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes

OP: No I'm not

Read your comments OP and understand your post! at first I thought that the new mum was probably in the right (IMO) to try to discourage you from going if your child was sick… but understand you didn’t go because if that and there were others with poorly kids that weren’t ‘discouraged’ in the same way.

it is really strange. But silver lining might be that you avoided your kids picking up something nasty from others just before Xmas… so don’t dwell on it.

It's a few days until
Xmas

Don't pass the germs on

Stay home

She was trying to say tactfully -please don’t come to the Christmas meal with a sick child who will spread her germs around everyone there resulting in everyone falling ill and thus ruining everyone’s Christmas!!! Of course it was personally aimed at you!!!
ps- I wish your DD better!

Why does it take someone else to tell you to do the right thing?
Sick child =no mixing with others

Surely it's blatantly obvious that no-one else wants to be ill over Christmas if it can be avoided.
YABU

As others have said, she is probably politely letting you know it's not OK to take your child to mix with all the others if they're unwell. I wouldn't want a sick child present either, if this risked whatever bug it is being passed to someone else.

Weirdly my stepdaughter who is meant to be seeing us on Friday, has just tested positive for Covid but messaged that she hopes to feel better by Friday and see us. I'm afraid I'm not that delicate about it and have told her she can't come if she doesn't have a negative test.

I ended up with pneumonia on both lungs when I had Covid and will not risk that again for anyone. The 'newish' mum may have someone vulnerable in her family and if 'newish' means she has a very young baby (rather than 'newish to the group) her reluctance to have you there is completely reasonable, imo.

To be fair, and I don't mean to be rude, but I wouldn't want a poorly child in my house so close to christmas. Don't take it personally.

These posts puzzle me. How on earth are internet randoms supposed to know why she dissuaded your child from going more then the other unwell child?! When you don’t even know the answer!

I’d assume she wasn’t that keen on you & your child possibly infecting her & her child right before Christmas, but that’s just me🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes you should cancel things like this with an unwell child especially this close to Christmas - I would not go and say see you next time.

Because she already had said it to you in the group chat so why would she need to reiterate it again, the sentiment still stands.

No one is that dense to not realise it's a polite way of saying "it's less than a week to Christmas, don't bring your sick kid to the party!" She's also probably had a run of illness in her house too OP so she doesn't want anymore. It's not rocket science.

Absolutely selfish. I have a really rare condition that means coughs and colds can land me in ICU. Anything beyond that like fly or sickness bugs can kill me

so please. Why on earth would you take a sickly child out with other people? Do you not think there are people like me around? What about people who are having chemo who just need to pop out? Do you not think there are those out there?

Don’t go! You wobble be totally out of line especially Xmas week when everyone is desperately trying to protect their children. Why are you even considering it?

Of course. Tbh that last few years been amazing for us .. finally got on top of debt, bought a house and had a child. I also got alot of friends and tbh can't believe how lucky we are ...we moved 22 times in ten years till 2016.

She doesn't want a whole group of kids to become ill just before Christmas.

Maybe the other Mum said she would see how he went and (by implication) if he was better - you just said you would try to be there? ( By implication, he might still have bugs which he could pass on). And as others have said, who wants a sick child at a party with other kids and adults, so close to Christmas?

Having mentioned on more than one occasion that your child is unwell, you have put the host in a rather difficult situation. There are some nasty bugs going about - and even more serious illnesses - and it is natural that parents do not want to unnecessarily expose their children to such risks.

She probably feels quite awkward to tell you not to come but the fact that she keeps saying you don't need to go suggests that she would prefer you to stay away. Don't take it personally, I don't think it is meant to be nasty. I can understand you feeling disappointed but, If you think about it, you would probably feel the same.

OK...let's say your daughter felt fine, always had, was included, but ANOTHER child was feeling ill, but her mother wanted her to come. With COVID cases again on the rise, and all of the flu and such of this season, I imagine you would be relieved that a sick child was not going to be there, possibly spreading germs. I'm sorry, but that's how I'd feel. Rough on your child, but sometimes things happen with plans.

OP I get your post, don't worry!
I always RTCT or at least the latest updates from the OP before I vote.
Just to summarise for everyone:
OP and her group of friends organise an Xmas meet-up.
OP's daughter not well, one mum, new to group keeps insisting it's ok not to come.
IN THE MEANTIME other parents have they said they may not be able to make it, new-mum-to-group hasn't said anything to them, and in fact has brought her sick child to birthday parties before, so it's CLEARLY NOT because she's worried about germs.
New-mum-to-group is the only one not to express sadness she wasn't there.
I think that's everything?

OP she may have spoken separately to the other mum and it really does sound like she didn't want your sick child there.