She kept reiterating it was ok if we didn’t go

[Whenwillthissicknessend]

Am I being paranoid?

Christmas mums and kids meet up today, fairly small group, organised by a newish mum. Dd has been not feeling great and I said in the last couple of days that she’d been not that well, but we wanted to come and would try to make it. Other friends in the group saying they were sad she was unwell and they hoped to see us etc.
The mum who organised it just kept saying ‘Don’t worry not to be there’ and saying she didn’t expect us to be there and saying the numbers now were such and such, basically not including us.
Am I being paranoid in thinking she didn’t really want us there?

No worries…was trying to figure out where and when I had been going on about it!

@Eyerollcentral What? No, not at all

She doesn’t want her family to get sick and have this spoil Christmas?

Don’t take it personally, OP. No one wants their family sick at this time of year.

You seem to think you’ve been singled out and deliberately excluded because your dd is ill.
So yes you are being paranoid.

Given your user name and the fact your family have all had a nasty sickness bug that’s been hard to shake off I’d be very relieved if you couldn’t come to a party😂

This doesn’t mean they don’t like you or wish you could have come!

Just the vibe I get! Very quick to jump on the ‘Oh don’t worry if you can’t come’ etc but said nothing to the mum who also said get child was sick but she’d see how he went
How can that be explained?

The other thing is that if you are going to come with your sick child, that might cause others to pull out.
I would never make a fuss about who was going to an event, but if someone was going with a sick child and I particularly needed my family to be well (Christmas, seeing vulnerable family, before a holiday), then I would make my excuses and not go. This could also be a worry to the host.
I guess you won't know unless it happens again with no illness.
Hopefully it's just the illness.

Maybe she was too busy to reply to everyone’s messages individually?

Maybe the mum (whose message about her dc feeling unwell has been ignored) is upset she’s been ignored and is wondering if no one likes her? 😂

Maybe it's nothing to do with the fact your child is a bit unwell. What have your other interactions been like? Have you said, for example, that you are rushed off your feet with stuff to do before Christmas? Maybe she was thinking this was one event too many for you and that she was trying to give you an out?

Maybe she doesn’t like you

In the nicest possible way why would she want your child there, it’s Christmas- your child passes what they have on and it could be a horrible Christmas for their children!!

I wouldn't think that she doesn't want you there. More that maybe you made it seem that you didn't want to go or that it was going to be a lot of bother or something.

@SmileyClare 😂Maybe, but then I probably would if I were her too 🙈😅

Can you be 100% sure you witnessed every conversation and text the host had with every other invitee though? Is it possible that you just don't know all the other conversations she's been having with others?

I wouldn't take it personally - no-one wants to risk being ill over Christmas if they can avoid it.

@LonginesPrime It was all
in the group chat

She politely doesn’t want your sick child there - to make everyone else sick just before Christmas. Think about it.

Are you really so lacking in understanding? They don't want to get ill just before Christmas!!
We were supposed to seeing friends yesterday for a big Christmas lunch/present exchanging but I told them my child and I are ill. She just said "Sorry, but please don't come. I don't want to be ill at Christmas and I don't want to pass an illness to my parents". Fair enough. I really, really wanted to go and felt well enough to go (if I took Lemsip) but I told my friend to give her the option to cancel. It's not about me - it's about other people wanting to stay well during Christmas!!

Now in the after chat messages, they’re posting pics and saying how nice it was but also everyone else acknowledged it was sad we weren’t there, aside from the host 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SallyWD Are *You really so lacking in understanding? There was another mum who also said her child was ill, nothing was said to her

This, 100%

OP, do you want us just to tell you that she doesn’t like?

Right, but do you know for sure that the host doesn't speak to anyone else outside of the group chat? She might have had a chat or text exchange with the other mother of a poorly child separately as you only know what she's said to you and/or on the group chat.

Do you think she would have discouraged you from attending if your DC weren't ill?

Unless there is some big backstory, it really doesn't sound like it was a personal slight - she just doesn't want to get ill right before Christmas and probably doesn't want to be responsible for others getting ill at the thing she's arranging.

People say different things to different people. It's really not to be overthought and analysed on this level. You don't need a checklist to ensure everyone in the group said it was sad that you weren't there. It probably wasn't sad anyhow, they probably had a good time regardless, it's just shit people say online. Honestly, forget about it and focus on real life interactions that matter.

Of course they didn't want you there with sickness this close to Christmas so YANBU to realise that, but YABU to get hurt/upset about it! It's a shame your little one has had to miss out on this occasion, but it's for the greater good.

Yes this OP. Hope DD feels better soon

Did parents of sick children forget Covid ever happened?

Hot saying the kid has covid, but no one wants germs spreading. Keep your germs in your own family unit and stop being selfish.