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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She kept reiterating it was ok if we didn’t go

183 replies

Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 13:53

Am I being paranoid?

Christmas mums and kids meet up today, fairly small group, organised by a newish mum. Dd has been not feeling great and I said in the last couple of days that she’d been not that well, but we wanted to come and would try to make it. Other friends in the group saying they were sad she was unwell and they hoped to see us etc.
The mum who organised it just kept saying ‘Don’t worry not to be there’ and saying she didn’t expect us to be there and saying the numbers now were such and such, basically not including us.
Am I being paranoid in thinking she didn’t really want us there?

OP posts:
FunctionalSkills · 18/12/2022 14:07

Last thing anyone wants at Xmas is to be around a sick child!!!

gamerchick · 18/12/2022 14:07

She probably doesn't want to be around an unwell child this close to Christmas OP. I'd not be going just because of that. Lurgys need to be kept at home.

BagOfBollocks · 18/12/2022 14:09

Seriously OP?

Lol

OldTinHat · 18/12/2022 14:10

I agree with PPs. They don't want you bringing a sick child and running the risk of ruining everyone's Christmas by passing on the virus.

I went to a social event last night, people were very unwell but still saying they wanted to go. Eventually they got the message their viruses were not wanted and they pulled out. If they hadn't, I wouldn't have gone.

Very selfish thinking imo.

UsingChangeofName · 18/12/2022 14:13

Agree with most.
No-one wants you to take an unwell child to a gathering generally, but 100x more so when it is just before Christmas.
Keep your dd's illness to herself.

IncompleteSenten · 18/12/2022 14:14

I think you are right.
She was politely letting you know she does not want you to take an unwell child to the meet up.which is not unreasonable at all.

Original poster
Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:15

Omg 🙈Ok, so we’ve *All been ill since the end of October, the first illness I actually caught off her as she brought her kids to a party when sick. Another mum was saying her child was/had been ill, but they went…she didn’t say to her, please don’t feel you have to come, we understand if you don’t come etc again and again.
I meant a *Newish mum as in a new mum to the group

OP posts:
EndlessRain1 · 18/12/2022 14:15

She'll be suggesting that if your child is sick you shouldnt' come. Which is completely fair on everyone else there and not personal. Noone wants their kids to catch something of someone else, but especially not right before christmas.

ThisGirlNever · 18/12/2022 14:16

Given kids go to school and pick up all sorts of illnesses until the week before Christmas, I don't understand what the problem is (well I do, this site appears to be populated with hysterical germophobes).

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 18/12/2022 14:20

Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:15

Omg 🙈Ok, so we’ve *All been ill since the end of October, the first illness I actually caught off her as she brought her kids to a party when sick. Another mum was saying her child was/had been ill, but they went…she didn’t say to her, please don’t feel you have to come, we understand if you don’t come etc again and again.
I meant a *Newish mum as in a new mum to the group

But it’s now days to Christmas so that changes things slightly. Also I don’t know about people you mix with, but me and the people I know, either colleagues/family/friends have had enough of illnesses, 1 after the other and could do with a break from it. Rather than assume this person hates you/your kid, just assume you’re not welcome because she doesn’t want her Christmas ruined.

Pondere · 18/12/2022 14:20

Sorry but really can’t stand selfish parents who think it’s ok to inflict their sick children on others.

Some children can get seriously unwell from a cold, and it’s not unreasonable to not have a reckless attitude to spreading germs. Your child will be ok missing an event due to illness.

Original poster
Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:22

@Pondere But there was another mum saying her child was ill but they’d see if they could make it…nothing was mentioned!

OP posts:
Unifolorn · 18/12/2022 14:23

ThisGirlNever · 18/12/2022 14:16

Given kids go to school and pick up all sorts of illnesses until the week before Christmas, I don't understand what the problem is (well I do, this site appears to be populated with hysterical germophobes).

You can't see how people might be keen to try to avoid their child being poorly over Christmas, and why this might be more important to people than other times of year?

Pondere · 18/12/2022 14:23

Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:22

@Pondere But there was another mum saying her child was ill but they’d see if they could make it…nothing was mentioned!

Oh, that makes it ok!

gamerchick · 18/12/2022 14:24

Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:22

@Pondere But there was another mum saying her child was ill but they’d see if they could make it…nothing was mentioned!

No way I'd be going just because of that. It's just not worth it.

Eyerollcentral · 18/12/2022 14:25

@Pondere did you previously go on about the other children ‘giving’ your children an illness? Have you been going on quite a bit about your children being ill? She is probably just sick listening to it at this stage and cba. She was just trying to organise a fun activity.

Flurbegurb · 18/12/2022 14:25

You're all mad then. Completely nuts to take sick kids socialising (assuming they have a cough/cold/stomach bug/whatever) and shouldn't be mixing. Not if they've just got eg runny nose and bit tired.

Surely it's common sense OP.

WonderingWanda · 18/12/2022 14:26

I agree, she doesn't want you to come if your child is ill. I can't stand it when people insist on bringing sick children to visit me. I am too old and grumpy to tolerate it now, I always reply quite bluntly so there's no confusion. I would have said 'Sorry your dc is ill, we mill miss seeing you but it's definitely best you give it a miss this time, we don't want all the other kids getting ill for Christmas!'

ThisGirlNever · 18/12/2022 14:26

Unifolorn · 18/12/2022 14:23

You can't see how people might be keen to try to avoid their child being poorly over Christmas, and why this might be more important to people than other times of year?

Show quote history

School finished 48 hours ago. How are school friends immune from illness at school, but highly susceptible at a party two days later? It's illogical nonsense - which is par for the course, for the resident hypochondriacs.

Original poster
Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:26

@gamerchick I’m not saying I’d be going, I didn’t go!! I’m saying why did the host basically shut us down going but not others who had sick kids too…oh never mind

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 18/12/2022 14:27

You’re taking this far too personally and seem to dislike this mum who is fairly new to the group.

Its unfair to take an unwell child to a social gathering.
You’ve done the right thing letting them know and now you’re annoyed she’s not welcoming you with open arms.

Are you threatened by this new mum in the group? Come on, get over yourself.
You have a case of FOMO that’s all 😂

Pondere · 18/12/2022 14:28

Eyerollcentral · 18/12/2022 14:25

@Pondere did you previously go on about the other children ‘giving’ your children an illness? Have you been going on quite a bit about your children being ill? She is probably just sick listening to it at this stage and cba. She was just trying to organise a fun activity.

Huh? What are you on about?

Original poster
Whenwillthissicknessend · 18/12/2022 14:29

@SmileyClare No, I like her and thought we got on ok, I just noticed a very different reaction to us being ill and seeing if we would come or not, or others..she aren’t addressed them, didn’t keep saying how it was ok not to come etc

OP posts:
Unifolorn · 18/12/2022 14:29

ThisGirlNever · 18/12/2022 14:26

School finished 48 hours ago. How are school friends immune from illness at school, but highly susceptible at a party two days later? It's illogical nonsense - which is par for the course, for the resident hypochondriacs.

Show quote history

Yes exactly it's 2 days closer to Christmas than it was when school ended, I don't think it takes Einstein to figure out. It's fine if you're not arsed but it's not illogical that people who have plans to see family over Xmas want to do what they can to minimise the risk of them getting ill in the run up. Personally I work in a germ infested hospital and am working over Christmas so makes no odds to me, my child is also at more risk of catching something because of this, but doesn't take much to not berate parents being mindful does it.

Eyerollcentral · 18/12/2022 14:29

Pondere · 18/12/2022 14:28

Huh? What are you on about?

Show quote history

Sorry @Pondere that was meant for @Whenwillthissicknessend