She kept reiterating it was ok if we didn’t go

[Whenwillthissicknessend]

Am I being paranoid?

Christmas mums and kids meet up today, fairly small group, organised by a newish mum. Dd has been not feeling great and I said in the last couple of days that she’d been not that well, but we wanted to come and would try to make it. Other friends in the group saying they were sad she was unwell and they hoped to see us etc.
The mum who organised it just kept saying ‘Don’t worry not to be there’ and saying she didn’t expect us to be there and saying the numbers now were such and such, basically not including us.
Am I being paranoid in thinking she didn’t really want us there?

She's politely telling you not to bring an unwell child, so the baby with low immunity doesn't catch it over Xmas.

If she 'kept saying' it , did you keep messaging about it rather than just once and then see? Because maybe she was fed up with you posting endlessly about maybe coming?

Whats your child unwell with?

Anything contageous and OBVIOUSLY you shouldnt go.

Anything not contageous but debilititating to your DD (like a migraine etc...) you obviously should put DD first and not put her through that either.

To be fair Im struggling off the top of my head to think of something discribed as 'not well' where you would be right to go.

Was your child and the other child ill with the same bug?

I'd be less bothered by someone bringing a child with a cough/cold than I would by a child with a sickness bug.

So two of you described your kids as not well but only you were guided towards not attending. What was the difference in how you described how ill they were, what they had?

The fact that you said you would still try to bring your sick baby to a group meeting is just ridiculous. Of course she didn't want you there. Honestly, some people have no self awareness whatsoever. Who wants to be around ill, possibly contagious babies, especially a week before Christmas 🤦‍♀️

Is it easier for you to imagine that she just doesn't like you for some unknown reason rather than to admit you were being ridiculous/anti-social? 🙄

Maybe she didn’t notice the other mum saying her kid was ill? Or maybe because another mum responded to you “oh sorry x is sick” etc, it was more noticeable?

Didn’t want her Christmas ruined with whatever your LO has I expect.

With all due respect I wouldn’t want you or your sick child around my child either. Let your child rest and recover instead of dragging her out and unnecessarily passing germs to other people.

Am I being paranoid in thinking she didn’t really want us there?

Yes & No Prime Minister.

No, because of course she didn't want you there, Typhoid Marying over her brand new baby.
Yes, because WTF is there to feel 'paranoid' about?

New mum was perfectly polite. Not everything is about you, & what other people are thinking about you. This is a great lesson to learn, not a taunt btw - it makes life SO very much easier & more comfortable.

They sound like a lovely bunch of friends 😊

Dont over analyse what the host has or hasn’t messaged you. You don’t know her very well, she’s new to the group and has been polite and friendly so far.

Hope your dd is feeling better soon and isn’t too disappointed x

I’m imagining you as Julia in Motherland. 😂

”Dd is sick, fuck! Maybe I can just take her anyway?! Oh god, the host hates me. She’s told me not to worry if I can’t come?
Now they’ve put photos up of what a great time they’re having! They probably all hate me and the host is glad I didn’t come..Christmas is basically ruined”

I imagine it was simply that your DD is unwell and she didn’t want to catch the bug.

She may also not particularly like you as most friendship groups include people who are close and others who aren’t so close. Perhaps she’s not that fond of you-but it’s clear that some of the other people missed you, so don’t worry about it.

This. Come on. It isn't really rocket science. If you go it's likely these people will be poorly over Christmas and then they will probably be furious that you deliberately brought your ill dd to a social gathering. That really will be something be paranoid about. Don't be that person fgs

Okay, by now, I'll say you are being paranoid, been as you asked.

I mean, someone has taken the time to arrange a get together and you are 'critiquing' every word.
When I'm quickly putting something in a group chat, I don't sit and analyse if it might be interpreted in a slightly different way by everyone who reads it.

You really are overthinking this.

Yes but there are many possible explanations for this. Maybe she missed the message from the other mum, maybe someone else responded to that, maybe she felt her message to you applied equally to the other mum so she didn't bother to repeat exactly the same thing again, maybe she was busy doing other stuff when the other mum messaged, maybe the other mum messaged her privately after messaging the group.
So yes, it's highly likely she didn't want you (or rather your sick child) there but obviously it's nothing personal! She wouldn't have invited you in the first place if she didn't want you there.

All you have to do is highlight Op's posts and read them.
There was no "new baby" - she's a new mum to the group.
Another family with a poorly child were treated differently when they were saying they would try to be there.
Finally OP DIDN'T GO.

Sounds like you feel threatened by a new member of your friendship group. If you’ve been giving off that vibe in front of her then you’re probably not being paranoid in thinking she isn’t keen on you.

Why would you take an unwell child to a social event, where there might be babies or vulnerable children & adults?

Your friend was being tactful.

I hate it when people come to events, and say to me "Oh I've just got a bit of a cold." A 'bit of a cold' can land me in bed for 3 days & give me a dose of bronchitis.

They don't want their Christmas ruined with sickness.

You're being rather selfish.

You describe her as 'newish' to the group.

You mention that it's because of her that you and your family got ill in the first place

Think it's pretty obvious that you dislike her and see her as an interloper.

No wonder she dislikes you.

Noone wants your kids germs!!!

She’s trying to politely say ‘please don’t come and bring a poorly child to the group. She could completely cock up all our Christmases if we catch what they’ve got, please stay home’. If you were dying to go, you shouldn’t have mentioned the illness.

I’m seeing friends on Friday, one has COVID and says she is really poorly but not to worry she should be ok by Friday. What I want to say is ‘please don’t fucking come, you selfish .

Setting aside the illness (since there was another child who was also ill and didn't get the same response), it very well could be that she doesn't like you or your child as much as some of the others in the group.

I'd try to just ignore it and behave as usual, but if you continue to notice similar behaviour (singling you out in a negative way, ignoring you, etc.), I'd put 2 and 2 together and recognise that for some reason she has an issue with you/your child. It happens. People don't like everyone equally, and some people aren't good about hiding it for politeness' sake.

Maybe she said something to the other mum but not in group chat. Maybe the other child had been sick longer and was considered past the infectious stage. Maybe the other mum expressed it differently like we'd like to come but only if dc is well enough. Anyone it's not something to make a big drama over, you just dont go if kid is still sick.