Family Secret Santa

[earlystartsdaily]

This year we decided that DP & I would ask the family (parents and siblings) if they'd prefer to do a secret Santa instead of all of us buying each other presents.
Partly to save money. And so that we could focus on getting 1 decent present rather than lots of presents for everyone.
We put the amount at £50.

All family agreed. We're supposed to be meeting today to do the secret Santa.
2 members have messaged (they are partners) to say they can't come because they're not well.

I feel annoyed by this. Partly because I am not sure they're unwell. I think they didn't buy secret Santa presents therefore are just not going to come.
I feel upset that 2 people won't get their present today.

And I'm annoyed with myself because when DP suggested it, I just knew that these two family members would likely do this. But we didn't want to not include them and they said they were happy to do it at the time. And I felt guilt for being negative.

DP & I have these 2 members as our secret Santa's and we have gone to a lot of effort to get them really lovely and thoughtful gifts.

I'm not really sure what to do?
We are still meeting the rest of the family today.

Surely if they're partners the partner would bring their present for them

I would just say let’s see who hasn’t got a secret Santa and then give those presents to them? The non attendees get to keep their pressies 😀

Yes!! This!!

Would anyone be able to pop by theirs and collect their gifts? It could be they are genuinely ill, only you know if they are more likely to have not got anything and made up the illness. If they have no gifts to give then can their presents be given in place of the ones they were meant to give?

@purpleme12
They're both not coming, saying they're both ill.

We have their presents as we both had them, and the presents we've bought are specific for them really. Especially one of the presents, it's personalised for them.

I would pop over then like pp said to collect presents.
Don't see how anyone can complain at that if they've got presents

Yes … just message that

youll pop over to collect the secret Santa gifts so that whoever they got doesn’t miss out and leave theirs round, and is there anything else you need while I’m coming?

It's not very secret if you and your husband know who you've each got!

But I agree, offer to pick up their gifts.

Ask if they can send the presents over or if you can collect them so that nobody needs to be without presents on the day. Maybe offer to pick presents if they send over the money. There are plenty of options if they're being genuine.
If not, can you take back their presents and use the money to buy for those that won't have one?

I think you are reading far too much into it tbh. Ok so the secret Santa is a bit ruined by then not coming but you bought gifts specifically for them so you can still give them the gifts, just without the pretence of the Santa thing

I know the logical thing is to suggest collecting the presents from them and my DP suggested I say this to them. I know it sounds really passive but I will feel mean doing that. Mainly because I just KNOW they wouldn't have got any. And I feel like they'll be put on the spot.
I know it's their responsibility as fully grown adults.

Yep message to say you are popping round to get their secret santa presents at whatever time, and you'll drop thetes off at the same time

You don't like them much, do you?

@gliiterryballs
Yes but it's the fact that 2 people will be without gifts for Christmas as they are not coming so won't be bringing theirs.

@gliiterryballs what makes you say that? Are you just trolling?

People have already suggested collecting them? I didn't say that because it had already been said.

You seemed to be upset that the Santa thing was ruined because people would know who bought what in that situation.

Further reading tells me you just don't like them

No, I'm reading your posts

Posted too soon

You are saying hey are lying about being I'll and you just know they haven't bought anything. Nobody says this about people they like.

@gliiterryballs
Well that's a load of nonsense. I actually love them a lot.
It has nothing to do with the 'santa' aspect but the fact that 2 people will now be without gifts.

Why don’t you just send a breezy message saying something like ‘that’s a shame, hope you feel better soon. Do you want us to swing by to collect the secret Santa gifts from your door step or have you arranged for mum/partner/grandma to collect them. After the gift exchange we’ll arrange for someone to drop yours off’

Then, if they respond that that haven’t organised a gift you can address the issue directly instead of speculating and getting wound up. Remind them they’ve have x amount of time and it’s really messed up the plan to not have bothered. (That’s if the illness is something like cold/sore throat/hangover and not something significantly more serious)

Just go and get them, tell them what you said here about other people missin pit

**missing out

Just go and pick them up!!

I think you should do this or at least offer to collect it.
They may well surprise you and actually have the presents.

other than that maybe chalk it up to experience and do it differently next year. Can you return the gifts you bought them and exchange for something for yourself.