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Original poster

Family Secret Santa

132 replies

earlystartsdaily · 18/12/2022 09:55

This year we decided that DP & I would ask the family (parents and siblings) if they'd prefer to do a secret Santa instead of all of us buying each other presents.
Partly to save money. And so that we could focus on getting 1 decent present rather than lots of presents for everyone.
We put the amount at £50.

All family agreed. We're supposed to be meeting today to do the secret Santa.
2 members have messaged (they are partners) to say they can't come because they're not well.

I feel annoyed by this. Partly because I am not sure they're unwell. I think they didn't buy secret Santa presents therefore are just not going to come.
I feel upset that 2 people won't get their present today.

And I'm annoyed with myself because when DP suggested it, I just knew that these two family members would likely do this. But we didn't want to not include them and they said they were happy to do it at the time. And I felt guilt for being negative.

DP & I have these 2 members as our secret Santa's and we have gone to a lot of effort to get them really lovely and thoughtful gifts.

I'm not really sure what to do?
We are still meeting the rest of the family today.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 18/12/2022 10:45

Let us know how it goes!

Original poster
earlystartsdaily · 18/12/2022 10:45

I've messaged them.

If they are ill then they're ill- I absolutely get that. But you would think they would have bought their gifts before now if they have done.

I could be completely wrong. But I have messaged them so we shall see.
Hopefully they have bought them and I can pick them up today and drop theirs off.

OP posts:
Elmo230885 · 18/12/2022 10:46

I'm not sure why you are convinced they haven't got presents?
I'd offer to pick up the gifts and if it turns out the haven't bought one it shows you that they really are shitty people. Maybe they are planning to drop them off when they feel better?

1dontunderstand · 18/12/2022 10:47

The only logical thing to do is to offer to collect and drop off the secret Santa gifts.
Then you will know if they bought the gifts or not.

Don’t be fobbed off with any excuses about not being able to collect the gifts, remind them about how upset two people will be if they are left out today.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 18/12/2022 10:47

ask them to post them.

Fine if you're happy for them to be Easter gifts!

Jellyjam36 · 18/12/2022 10:48

Maybe they're genuinely ill and can't come? They can just have the gifts couriered....
Having know loads of people including myself have this horrific bug, although disappointing, if rather them not infect my entire family for Xmas.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 18/12/2022 10:51

Hope they have got presents and you or somebody can get them before the get together.

This is the reason we stopped our Secret Santa. Twice someone was left without a present when everyone else was opening theirs and it just felt horrible for them.

Spudina · 18/12/2022 10:52

if they really haven’t bought presents that’s pretty crap. £50 is a generous amount to spend.

LemonsAndCherries · 18/12/2022 10:52

You send a message saying 'shall I collect your presents for the secret Santa from you unless being poorly meant you haven't been able to get out to get them? If you haven't, just transfer me the £100 and I'll wrap up cash in an envelope for the two people you got so they can pick something nice that they actually like for themselves. If I don't hear from you I'll pop by about x time.'

That should do it!

Anewhoo · 18/12/2022 10:57

Everyone I know is ill at the moment! Why do you think they wouldn’t buy anything, do they not usually get things for people?

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 18/12/2022 11:10

earlystartsdaily · 18/12/2022 10:17

I know the logical thing is to suggest collecting the presents from them and my DP suggested I say this to them. I know it sounds really passive but I will feel mean doing that. Mainly because I just KNOW they wouldn't have got any. And I feel like they'll be put on the spot.
I know it's their responsibility as fully grown adults.

This would make me say I'm coming to collect their gifts even more. Shame the cheeky cunts. If also 'forget' their gifts.

RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 18/12/2022 11:24

You could ask them what they intend to do to make sure their Secret Santa recipients don't miss out.

Maybe they already have a plan?

Saves you having to be the one driving around, dripping off and picking up.

They can get their gifts from you and DH when they are well.

Blowthemandown · 18/12/2022 11:34

@earlystartsdaily definitely say, shall we pick your gifts up and drop yours off so that X and Y get theirs and so do you … and yes, put them on the spot. Not for you to feel bad about any of it.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 18/12/2022 11:57

Why wouldn’t you put them on the spot??

Mama1980 · 18/12/2022 12:10

Have they replied?

caringcarer · 18/12/2022 13:32

Don't ask them to post. There is a postage strike on. Tell them you are dropping by to collect their SS gifts so nobody won't have gift to open. Suggest a voucher if they have been too poorly to get out to buy a gift. They can buy a voucher online and gift to recipients phone number.

Original poster
earlystartsdaily · 18/12/2022 14:01

They've replied saying not to go round to collect presents.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 18/12/2022 14:03

I would have just turned up!

Jellyjam36 · 18/12/2022 14:04

OK that's super shitty, I take back what I say about it being fine for them to not come if sick. They could use Evri or DPD to courier presents

familyissues12345 · 18/12/2022 14:06

Oh that's crappy, why do people behave like this?!

Rogue1001MNer · 18/12/2022 14:06

I'd reply "it's no problem, I got you, so need to drop yours off anyhow.
Leaving now"

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 18/12/2022 14:13

earlystartsdaily · 18/12/2022 10:34

For those saying that it doesn't seem like a secret Santa - I obviously know that I have bought for them. But I know my DP has bought for the other as it's a personalised gift so I know that we both have them.

I was only joking, OP.

We do Secret Santa in my family. I know who my husband has bought for because I walked in on him ordering it. And usually we are the only couple that does keep it a secret!

NoelNoNoel · 18/12/2022 14:16

They've replied saying not to go round to collect presents
That’s dodgy, I be tempted to still go .

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 18/12/2022 14:23

Yep turn up and say you didn't see the message.

Lampshadered · 18/12/2022 14:26

They've replied saying not to go round to collect presents

I'd reply the same to you even if I had the presents.

They only have a responsibility to the people they need to buy a gift for. It's up to them to arrange delivery of the present and presumably they want to be there when they hand over the presents - the gift is in the giving after all.