Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

[Hawkins001]

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

So people aren't allowed to write on AIBU with their problems if they are on 90k or over?
Can you let Mumsnet know the new rule?

Personally if something comes up on my boards, that I know I wouldn't understand and probably wouldn't be able to contribute to very well, I would just not bother looking at it?

Seems like a hard concept for people to grasp these days.

How is it tone deaf when there is no one tone on mumsnet? It’s a forum with a diverse userbase, that isn’t dedicated to the concerns of the less well off. If you read a thread title and it doesn’t appeal to you then don’t click on it. What is tone deaf, ironically, is going into someone else’s thread about their struggles and trying to make it about you. As much as you may like to think you should be the most important of concerns for everyone, you’re not.

Being offended by this doesn’t mean you have the right to shut someone else up, or demand they go elsewhere lest your eyes have to see it. You don’t have to see it, it’s your responsibility to keep away from it if it bothers you. If you choose not to then that’s on you.

Now 80k per month is definitely rich. More money than normal person can spend, assuming you don't buy yachts etc. as hobby. But not annualy.

No, “relative to your own environment and perceptions” isn’t very relevant, because the average and median salary or income in the country, or in your area, is a fixed fact. If your perception is wrong, it should be easily corrected. Even in London, which does have slightly higher incomes than other parts of the country, I think median household income is still just about 33k. Obviously, 90k is a completely different ballgame.

This. Emphatically.

It is entirely relevant to those experiencing struggles on that amount. Whether you think that should be their experience is what’s irrelevant, because your experience isn’t theirs, and nor is it something they’re obliged to consider. You have no standing to ‘correct’ someone’s perception, and it’s at best arrogant to think you do from your position as a complete nobody to them. Again, I’m sure you’d be quick to reject anyone coming here and telling those making £15-20k that they’re lucky in comparison to someone in Ethiopia, and as such they should shut their privileged mouths.

as wild a notion as it clearly is, not every thread has to be about you.

This. Emphatically.

Do you actually genuinely think that there are no successful people with poor spelling and grammar, and absolutely no high-paying jobs where literacy isn't particularly important, or are you just taking a cheap shot at the OP because you disagree with her point?

Again though, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone on £90k claim to have it the same or worse as someone on less.

Exactly. I mean, starting a thread saying 'YANBU to think I'm poor even though I earn £90k?' is very much not ok. But that shouldn't mean that people on higher incomes are banned from talking about anything to do with how they manage their finances.

Why are singling out carers on this forum to give financial advice, I'm confused ....surely this forum is read by loads of different people who don't expect to be able to or want to take part in every conversation.

You can discuss some aspects of high income. We’ve had a number of positive and constructive threads where higher earning women has discussed what they do and what skills women wanting to do the same might want to focus on. I strongly believe that financially successful women should be talking about how we’ve done it to present the option to women. So much of the narrative today is about successful / high earning men that women don’t get the same sense that these roles are for them too. Men are more likely to ask for a promotion or a pay rise or go for the stretch role and I want women to believe they can do it too.

The “my diamond shoes are too tight” posts piss me off. Objectively £90-100k is a big income in the UK even in London. People fail to distinguish between not feeling as rich as they would expect on that money versus objectively recognising that it is a multiple of average earnings. I am a high earner and I am bloody fortunate - if I chose to spend my disposable income on school fees, a larger mortgage, investments etc that doesn’t make strapped for cash because all of that spending is a luxury discretionary spend. Those are the posts I find tone deaf.

i don't think i have seen threads ever saying "i am on 90k and i am poor"

you occasionally see - we have good incomes (100k between them) but actually we don't feel well off - an assumption that 100k salary would mean rolling in bank notes but with say one earner raher than 2 (so higher taxes) and a big house/big mortgage and 2 kids and 2 cars its not wealthy like people imagine it would be.

and thats a reasonable thread - how do others appear to have more on same/decent salary. and you can discuss importance of 2 salaries/avoiding credit card debts to keep up with jones - but keep up pensions as thats vital for the future.

Being offended by this doesn’t mean you have the right to shut someone else up, or demand they go elsewhere lest your eyes have to see it. You don’t have to see it, it’s your responsibility to keep away from it if it bothers you. If you choose not to then that’s on you.

Of course. And I'll defend to the death people's right to post whatever they want wherever they want etc. But if you're paid £90k pa and lack the emotional intelligence to realise that talking about how skint you are is going to rub people up the wrong way you deserve what you get.

It's not dissimilar to the threads where someone comes on the relationships board (90% of which is people posting about how their marriages are going down the pan) and says: "Can I tell you all about how much I love my wuvly husband?" A handful of people will say "oh how sweet and heartwarming..." and about 70% of people will go "vom". It's in the nature of many people, and particularly many British people, that anything that could be perceived as boasting will rub some people up the wrong way and particularly in an environment where people are feeling sensitive. Nobody's saying you can't do it. But anyone who does and then gets all wide-eyed when they get shouted down is being disingenuous.

The OP's post actually asks why its "taboo" to talk about your finances if you earn more than a certain amount and very clearly its not as this thread has been running for 15 pages and counting.

Sorry, but this is bullshit. When you have combined income i.e. 45k, you are barely able to build some savings pot, maybe save something for retirement, but it's hard when you have mortgage (esp.in current climate) and childcare to pay. When family income jumps to 90k it means you are bit more comfortable knowing you can make bigger savings etc., but it still doesn't mean you're rich and you're secure until your last days. Just because you think it's A LOT, it doesn't mean it is. It's your perspective. As someone said, would you say to someone on 15-20k they're rich comparing to someone from Ethiopia?

And yes I think it's tone deaf when you complain you can't afford 2022 range rover or you can't renovate your bathroom for the 3rd time in the past 10 years, but having 90k before taxes doesn't mean you sleep on pillow stuffed with banknotes. It's enough to have comfortable life and when you live by your means, you don't need to worry about current inflation etc., because you can manage and wait through the storm.

No one is forcing those ‘rubbed up the wrong way’ to read those threads that aren’t relevant to them. If they choose to anyway and get upset as a result then that is entirely their fault. Bitterness being part of someone’s nature, along with the desire to interject on something unrelated to them, does not mean that anyone else has to pander to it. It’s their problem to deal with, they don’t get to shut anyone else up.

I don’t think it’s disingenuous to wonder why people avail themselves to getting upset about something when they can absolutely choose not to open a thread they know will upset them. It’s like repeatedly slamming yourself in the face with a door and getting mad at the door like you haven’t actively decided to ruin your own day.

It's not dissimilar to the threads where someone comes on the relationships board (90% of which is people posting about how their marriages are going down the pan) and says: "Can I tell you all about how much I love my wuvly husband?"

I've very, very rarely seen that. People do sometimes post about normal, nice husband-type behaviour in response to an OP asking 'Is it normal that my (patently hortible or abusuve) dh does x, y or z?', because that's kind of the whole point. And occasionally you get a 'Wow the Relationships board is always so depressing - who wants to tell me about their lovely dp?' thread.

Maybe I'm just a simple, naïve soul, but I just don't tend to assume that everyone seeking advice or wanting to chat about a problem thinks they are worse off than everyone else, or that anyone describing something nice about their life is a smug show-off wanting to make everyone else feel bad. I think most people post in good faith, but that some people constantly look to take offence where absolutely none is intended.

Because sadly a large chunk of users on here are bitter and struggling.

As many Pp have said, the demographic on here is no longer predominantly middle class, most are struggling and seem to not like others having something they do not.

You can even see this in action when people are accusing those on high salaries of being stupid so how can that happen, as if you need to be able to use correct grammar to do a whole host of well paid jobs.

At least they just end up looking silly

It’s absolutely not bullshit. The facts about income are available for anyone to read. Thinking 90k is a lot of money is not “my perspective” or bullshit, it’s a documented fact. It has nothing to do with relative wealth compared to Ethiopia. I read somewhere recently about the actual average or median income levels in London and it’s small, much less than people might think.

It's more those who complain, it's tone deaf. No one said you can't discuss the 6 holidays you're going on next year, but you have to expect people to be slightly irritated especially in this economy

I've not read through the latest posts, but much appreciated all for your perspectives so far

Here is a table from 2019 listing all London boroughs by median income. Median, not average. London median is £30,700 per household. England median is £28k-something.

www.towerhamlets.gov.uk/Documents/Borough_statistics/Income_poverty_and_welfare/income_2019_l.pdf

£30,700 per household? How do you even survive in London on that?

£30,700 per household? How do you even survive in London on that?

I lived in London on that - as a single person in a graduate job more than twenty years ago. It's shocking the way incomes have failed to keep up with inflation

Alone or in a house share?

@girlmom21 Mostly house share, although I did live in a studio flat for a while.