Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

[Hawkins001]

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss just on that example though..many of us who send out kids to private school and can only just about manage to do so, do it because the state sector has failed our kids and can't / won't provide what they need. I had to pull my kids out of state and send them private and it absolutely was not in my financial plan. It's going to mean v v tight years and probably long term debt, but I'll do it because I have to. It's not always simple to reduce significant outgoings.

this is where posting in the right topic helps.
mn has a money and financial section. if you post in the right section you might get the right feedback but aibu isn't the right spot and you can always as mnhq to move a thread for you to reach the right audience.

Who says they don’t as well? You could ask the same of anything posted on here, why post at all when you can just ask your friends about your issues? Hell, why have forums at all in that case.

You might not want people you know to know you're struggling - that's not too hard to understand is it - everyone has their pride, rich and poor.

Good advice!

I understand what you're saying, and, of course, there is a much broader issue around the quality of state schooling in the UK. But there are many people whose children are being failed by state education, and they don't have the option to do anything about it - if you are on minimum wage, however many sacrifices you make, you are never going to be able to afford private school fees.

If you don't feel inclined to support someone who has the finances to school privately no one is making you - but that person does not deserve to be attacked.

being poor sucks and having money means options on everything from heating to health care.
but that shouldn't mean those with options can't post.
not fair that some have no chronic or mh illnesses may that group shouldn't post either.
mn race to the bottom gets really boring.

Posting and replying without abuse are both the rights bestowed to ALL posters. The OPs complaint is without merit. IMO.

I don't think the OP's complaint is without merit. There are so many responses on MN which attempt to deny people the right to feel how they feel, or to ask about a problem, on the grounds that it's not bad enough and other people have it worse.

It's not just on financial matters either. Examples I've seen in the last couple of days include telling people off for posting that they enjoy a big family Christmas (in response to the OP's question), because some people come from broken families. And telling an OP off for legitimately complaining about her mother being a nightmare, on the grounds that she should be grateful she still has a mother, unlike some people. It's ridiculous.

Then a thread about continuing to afford private schooling isn’t one those parents it doesn’t apply to have to read and/or engage in, is it?

it doesn’t mean that those whom it does shouldn’t be able to discuss it.

I'd argue no one really deserves to be 'attacked'. But in the thread I was talking about, there were posters who refused to accept state school was an option for them - they couldn't accept that the potential rise in fees would move 'private school' into the bracket of 'things I can't afford' - and that they'd be joining 95% of the population in that position. That level of entitlement is inevitably going to cause hackles to rise.

I responded to that thread to say that some people need to escape a toxic family because these events can be awful - I got a response telling me they felt sad for me because they like many others had come from a very, very happy family and they were going to have a very lovely big family Christmas - not sure why they felt they needed to rub my nose in a situation that was already difficult for me - but I decided not to reply - what can you say?

People who put their kids in private school have already contributed towards state school funding by paying significantly higher taxes, they also aren't even using the state schools space up.
They contribute greatly towards a system they don't even use.

Instead paying fees for their childrens private education.
If VAT did get added this wouldn't be a good thing for state schools as more people wouldn't be able to afford to use private schools and would then need to take up space in the state school.

How do you think this will help schools? Most are oversubscribed and underfunded..

Your negativity is swayed towards the wrong person there.

Was that the thread about VAT on Private schools? Yes there are many reasons why people chose private schools, sometimes the local provision is appalling - I feel very angry about state education at the moment - my kids are done with it and by the end so was I. Something needs to be done.

But it’s all so race to the bottom.

Elsewhere on Mumsnet there are people posting about their desperately ill children who they would love to be in any kind of school. If they took your approach (which thankfully they don’t) they’d be popping up in response to your posts telling you how tone deaf you are for talking about any kind of school experience when that is denied to their child.

Why can people not accept that the world - and MN, which is not targeted at just those posters on the breadline - is made up of all sorts of experiences and that for as long as posters aren’t being deliberately goady or insensitive, it’s okay for them to talk about their lives?

@LolaSmiles not what I said at all I used the foodbank analogy as an example of you don't know what debts/credit deals people are paying and was in response to your post that people on 90k can only looks at cutting luxury goods or holidays this simply isn't the case.

Don't cherry pick and paraphrase my posts incorrectly

LolaSmiles not what I said at all I used the foodbank analogy as an example of you don't know what debts/credit deals people are paying and was in response to your post that people on 90k can only looks at cutting luxury goods or holidays this simply isn't the case.

Someone who had enough money to prioritise a Porsche over money for a a rainy day is still vastly more privileged than those who haven't, and will likely never, have the financial freedom to make such choices.
It's unfortunate if anyone falls on hard times, but hard times when you've had it great and have chosen to prioritise luxury goods isn't the same as your average family using a food bank.

this is where posting in the right topic helps.
mn has a money and financial section. if you post in the right section you might get the right feedback but aibu isn't the right spot and you can always as mnhq to move a thread for you to reach the right audience
Totally agree with this.
On a lot of situations reading the room would solve a lot of problems.

Got a question about private education? Post it in the relevant board and you'll probably get a range of support and advice. Post in AIBU acting like your child's future is almost certainly over and they're never going to be successful in life if they go in the state system, you're probably going to get people wound up.

Someone's posting about struggling on a low income or they're concerned that their partner/husband's spending, don't show up and say you totally understand because you've had to reduce your cleaner to once a week and consider whether you might downgrade from Ocado.

Again with the ‘reading the room’ like there’s only one room. And like you’re not defending actively ignoring the room if it’s one about someone on a higher income struggling. Then it’s fine apparently to bitchplop on it.

How about people just choose not to read or reply to threads that don’t apply to them? Rather than trying to hide them away from the main board lest offended eyes see them. If you know threads from people on a higher income bother you and you still choose to read them then that’s entirely on you.

Do people who get so wound up about threads by people on higher incomes, get equally angry about anyone in the news, in films, on TV or on the streets who can afford things they can't?

Threads on MN need affect nobody other than this person posting. Totally irrelevant, anonymous and no bearing whatsoever on anyone else. You don't have to understand or like all the threads. Reading / engaging with all threads is hardly compulsory. Just don't do it. How hard can it be?

If you are measuring yourself by an anonymous forum such as AIBU, this is problematic.

Imagine an AIBU where the only discourse allowed was from those homeless or absolutely on the breadline. Is that what people actually want?

I think some people on here only want to read about people in worse situations then themselves - not just economically, but also in terms of their marriages or whatever. It makes them feel better about themselves. They feel entitled to give 'advice' and congratulate themselves to those less fortunate.

Well, I don't and I find it depressing. I would prefer to come on here to read about a diversity of people in all kinds of situations. It's a chat forum and just a diversion, not the Samaritans.

I think people are just bad tempered mostly.

i know many of the threads are simply made up.
and the recent rash of poverty threads has me wondering if it's all a bit of a phishing scam, no harm in claiming to have a newborn and zero heating someone is bound to send you a pm and e-transfer some cash.

Very much appreciated for your detailed analysis.
I must admit back in the day, all the big corporations were small back then, but I guess once the system and companies exist then it's really more of a battle of the giant's

Another issue is that whilst there are rooms to post appropriately in, I tend to 100% use scribe which has threads from everywhere (bar maybe special needs) so you often see. Threads that could trigger you or just have rubbish titles like Aibu? Or I need help.

Hence everyone reads everything generally.

Other forums I tend to look at specific forums and not active.

Its now become abhorrent to be a middle class, middle aged person!

You'll live. You're not oppressed.

All the best OP