Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleeping arrangements - fair?

288 replies

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 10:01

One week stay, is this fair:
Room1 DH and me
Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms?
The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day.

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

OP posts:
Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 17/12/2022 12:54

I'd do...

Room1 DH and me
Room2 SIL 9yo/your 8 yo DD
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum and Sister
Room5 8yo Girl/10yo DD
Room6 SIL and 3yo DD

Or

Room1 DH and me
Room2 8/8/9/10 (sleeping bags and airbeds)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister
Room6 SIL and 3yo DD

whumpthereitis · 17/12/2022 12:55

EthicalNonMahogany · 17/12/2022 12:51

I think OP does need to change expectations of morning. If I were SIL I would want to be just me and 3yo so I could put her to bed quietly and earlier than the other children as she would likely get up earlier. A 3yo being exhausted and grumpy is much more tiring for the parent than an 8yo.

And I think learning to share rooms with cousins is really important, so all the children over 8 are completely able to do this.

If your children are NT, and could share but would just get up earlier, you're expecting other parents to suck up a harder parenting job so you can have an unchanged routine.

Expecting a lie in til 9 with primary age children is really pretty unusual!!

It sounds like she expects parents to suck up the parenting of their own kids.

not sure why sharing with cousins is a vitally important skill to acquire.

StatisticallyChallenged · 17/12/2022 12:55

Nobody is paying, it's a freebie from a relative on OPs side

startingline · 17/12/2022 12:56

I'd rent my own place and not share a house with anyone. Too many adults in the mix

hiyaqwerty · 17/12/2022 12:57

@Shinyredbicycle why should other adults get up to give sil a lie in? They are her kids! Her responsibility, if her own parents want to help then that's on them.

Only on MN would there be an uproar of husband and wife sharing a room because it means they are getting their own room, not really, they are still sharing with each other. Not their fault their kids are old enough to be in a separate room.
If this was my family, there would be absolutely no issue with a mother sharing with 2 of her children even 3 because they are her children! I can't imagine someone making an issue about it

Rewis · 17/12/2022 12:58

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2022 12:44

god that sounds like the least fun holiday ever :D

Show quote history

If we're doing this. Then we're doing it properly! I was considering that everyone should ahve to share with theit own child so DH,FIL,DC1 would be one combo.

Aprilx · 17/12/2022 12:58

Aprilx · 17/12/2022 12:54

You do seem to have the best deal here, being the only parents that get their own room, I trust you are paying double to reflect this. I haven’t come up with a better plan though, other than maybe you need bigger accommodation if adults want their own room.

Sorry just seen it is a freebie. I think I would decline, too many people in too small a place for me to enjoy it.

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2022 13:02

Rewis · 17/12/2022 12:58

If we're doing this. Then we're doing it properly! I was considering that everyone should ahve to share with theit own child so DH,FIL,DC1 would be one combo.

Show quote history

true, make the holiday one that no one sleeps 😆

Have we considered WHO SNORES??

i think with a free holiday, its like it or lump it really. SIL can decide not to come if she wants - or pursuade her parents to have 1 kid in their room.

emmathedilemma · 17/12/2022 13:04

It’s fine if you’re paying double what everyone else is.

EthicalNonMahogany · 17/12/2022 13:04

@whumpthereitisYes, true! But she's also expecting other parents to have a harder time / keep a house quiet til 9am so SHE doesn't have to deal with her own kids when they are grumpy! And they are 8! Which is also a bit U?

Snaketime · 17/12/2022 13:05

If your mum shares with you DS, would your sister share with her DD and your DD? That would free up room 2 for you SIL's DD.

Failing that your mum share with you DS
your sister and SIL share a room
You sisters DD and your DD
Then you SIL's kids have a room.

Rewis · 17/12/2022 13:06

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2022 13:02

true, make the holiday one that no one sleeps 😆

Have we considered WHO SNORES??

i think with a free holiday, its like it or lump it really. SIL can decide not to come if she wants - or pursuade her parents to have 1 kid in their room.

Show quote history

Snoring, how many times uses bathroom st night, general restlessness, what time to wake up etc. I think we should make AI generate the best sleeping combos.

Alondra · 17/12/2022 13:10

hiyaqwerty · 17/12/2022 12:57

@Shinyredbicycle why should other adults get up to give sil a lie in? They are her kids! Her responsibility, if her own parents want to help then that's on them.

Only on MN would there be an uproar of husband and wife sharing a room because it means they are getting their own room, not really, they are still sharing with each other. Not their fault their kids are old enough to be in a separate room.
If this was my family, there would be absolutely no issue with a mother sharing with 2 of her children even 3 because they are her children! I can't imagine someone making an issue about it

I've never given up our bedroom or shared it with anyone except when the kids were in cribs. The bedroom I share with my husband is not available at home or on holidays for anyone. Family or friends staying in our home take the bedrooms available or an air mattress in the living room. Otherwise they can make their own accommodation arrangeme

TheKitchenWitch · 17/12/2022 13:12

Don't the kids want to share rooms? Isn't that all part of the fun of going on holiday with your cousins?
I think you're being a bit precious about the whole sleep thing too - won't everyone's sleep pattern be somewhat disrupted anyway, late nights, early mornings, maybe afternoon naps after massive lunch etc?

LeopardPrintHo · 17/12/2022 13:17

For the sake of a week, let the older kids sleep where they want! They will sleep if tired and nap in the day as well

Redhop · 17/12/2022 13:21

I can't see any issue with your original plan tbh.i would be happy with the arrangements being any of those families.

User359472111111 · 17/12/2022 13:22

This is slightly hilarious. People are falling over themselves to try to pull you down a peg, but you are, quite reasonably, trying to work out the best option for everyone and listening to suggestions.

Fascinating how a room with three adult bed spaces couldn’t possibly accommodate a mother and two children, rather an older woman (your DM) who is making this kind offer to share the kind offer you and she have received, should share with kids she isn’t related to 🤣

viques · 17/12/2022 13:25

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 10:22

Holiday house, all rooms are similar (no ensuite).
All rooms have a double bed + some have a pull up couch in addition.

I hear the argument « you and your DH get a room to yourselves but the other parents have to share with their children » but we are the only family unit with 2 parents coming, if it were just me I wouldn’t mind sharing with my children.

Actually you are NOT the only family unit with two children. Though you do seem to be the only family unit whose opinions matter.

MarrymeKeanu · 17/12/2022 13:26

Of the children all get on them I would put them all in the same room and let them have fun for a week.

viques · 17/12/2022 13:27

viques · 17/12/2022 13:25

Actually you are NOT the only family unit with two children. Though you do seem to be the only family unit whose opinions matter.

Show quote history

Sorry, misread, you are the only family unit with two parents.

my second remark stands though.🙂

Shinyredbicycle · 17/12/2022 13:30

@Alondra Because it's a kind thing to do?

Sushi7 · 17/12/2022 13:33

@LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee This is how I would arrange your rooms. The me/my being you:

Room1 DH and me
Room2 8yo boy and SIL’s 9yo boy
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum and 8yo girl
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL and 3yo DD

Shinyandnew1 · 17/12/2022 13:34

StatisticallyChallenged · 17/12/2022 12:55

Nobody is paying, it's a freebie from a relative on OPs side

OP said the relative has invited them, but is that definitely free?

If my mum’s relative (eg my uncle) had paid for a holiday house, I wouldn’t be inviting my in laws and sister in law anyway! Does the relative know all the in laws?

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2022 13:35

there are 2 family units with 2 parents!

mil& fil - 2 kids belong to them - the DH of OP and SIL

SirMingeALot · 17/12/2022 13:38

But being woken at 6 or seven isn't really unreasonable or too early when you have children is it

It is when it's avoidable.

I'm a fairly early riser myself and often wake at 7 even on days when there's nothing to get up for. My DC are primary aged and will usually sleep til 8 in the holidays. I'd be extremely unhappy with a 6am start that would make any of us tired simply because the parent of the early rising child wants someone else to get woken up early instead.

That's not to say OPs way is the only option either, but ultimately the early riser shouldn't be his cousin's problem.