"You'll just have to get on with it"

[sofedupofthisshit]

Said to me this morning by "D" P as he left for work, whilst I was sobbing and upset due to the room literally spinning whilst I wretched over a bucket, faced with the prospect of caring for our toddler all day by myself when feeling rough as hell with covid. I even said to him I'm anxious I might pass out whilst caring for her, I feel that unwell.

I get that he can't stay home from work to help. But for the love of god would a bit of empathy have killed him?! Something like "I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad, I wish I was around today to help" etc. Why is he so cold and uncaring? Anyone else have partners who say shit like this?

Any I literally do "get on with it". All the time (he works a lot, long hours, weekends etc). All I ever do I get on with it. I have a few health conditions and they flare up frequently. I just get on with it each time while he's at work. But this time, I really do feel horrendous and just needed more from him than .... well, being told to get on with it.

AIBU?

He’s a dick. LTB. The lack of sympathy is outstanding.
The work thing is not good enough. If you had a similar job you would have to share time off if your child was sick and tough shit to him. He’s using you as a dogsbody.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Did you miss the part where I said I have several diagnosed health conditions that flare up?

Your post is disgusting.

Doesn't sound sustainable for family life really, does it? So you just pick up the slack all the time and his job comes before everything else? I would be really annoyed if my husband said that to me. My husband is also not particularly empathetic or good at knowing what to say. It really sounds as though he needs to look for another job. It's not just about whether he enjoys the work, it's got to work for the family.

And to those doubting that a person could feel very unwell and still post of Mumsnet - get a grip! I've managed to type out texts when far more ill than having covid. Moving your thumb to type a message isn't particularly taxing. Nowhere near as taxing as looking after a toddler.

She has covid it can make people very unwell. She's looking after a toddler so has probably been hit by A LOT of bugs this year. Some people just get ill. There's nothing they can do about it.

And he is not my "carer", ffs! That's hilarious. He's never here for a start.

Sympathy I do too. And even a cold can wipe me out for days.

Jesus Christ, the cult of "all hail the all mighty penis" is alive and well this morning.

It is not about how ill or otherwise the OP is. It is about her DH showing a bit of support and solidarity when she is struggling. Surely that is the minimum we can expect from our life partner?

There are loads of jobs about at the moment. If he hasn't got the anatomy to say to his employers I'm not coming in because I'm not risking the safety of my child my wife is unable to care for him today etc what sort of father is he? Anything could happen if you pass out.
He has a legal right to unpaid time off to care for his child.

@panko

Exactly. I have 2 diagnosed health conditions that flare up and cause issues from time to time. When they do, I just get on with it. I work through them, I look after toddler through them. On top of those flare ups, we have had multiple viruses and bugs this year due to toddler in childcare bringing them home. Including the noro bug that "D" P ended up with, which saw him off work and he got a "warning" for it. Through all these, I've just got on with it. No choice. This illness is by far the worst I've felt.

Ignore the unkind posters OP. I think they are projecting their own unhappiness on you. They have not been shown empathy or care so do not know it should be giving in a loving relationship - or that one deserves it. I hope you feel better soon. Shame your older DD has to miss out too - that is sweet of her but I feel sorry for her too. I am sure you will make it up to her and feel proud she put you above herself - really commendable for a young person. Anyway feel better soon xxx

Hope you are feeling better soon OP. I had dizziness with my covid and it was very much similar. Are you managing to drink lots of water?

I was thinking this. Not only post but keep up the posts and be organised replying to people....if the room was 'spinning' and I felt ill enough to pass out I would NOT be here!! Oh well

I didn't think it was possible today but this made me laugh. Thank you

The guy is on warnings at work for trying to look after his sick kid, then being sick himself. Can you survive without his income? If not, then he's right, he has zero option to stay home. As he said hospitalisation would be serious enough for his employer to allow him the time off. He did not say he doesn't give a rats about you and couldn't care if you're sick or not.

To me you sound dramatic. Sobbing over a bucket would do my head in and I'd be unable to respond with empathy either. Every example you have given of the type of empathetic statement you would like from him starts with "I'm sorry". Why do you want him to apologise to you?

@sofedupofthisshit glad to be of service. Have a hug too... fuck it. You sound like you need it.

I don't know if you have a job or not but if you did and "couldn't" get dependents leave from work I bet your husband would expect you to find another job. Wouldn't he?

Mines been the same the past two days that I've had norovirs and 2 sick kids and a toddler to look after. He's then come home and complained about the mess but I literally did the most I could do, I could barely move so all I did was feed my toddler change him make sure he was OK and made sure my other two were OK they weren't eating anything and neither was I so cooking wasn't an issue but literally he was mad that t

Because he has been brought like this. Some people can be shown and taught to care more about others and some cant.

Is there a friend who could possibly help out by coming round or an amergency nanny perhap?

If he ever gets ill, which as we get older things do then to start going a bit wrong, then I hope he never moans to you about it.

He's an arse OP and I'm sorry you're having to da with it.

Are you thinking of how this is for him? Empathy from you too? He’s feeling forced to go in to a horrible workplace with a wife and toddler who are frequently ill and expecting everything to stop and look after them. He’s right really, you have to get on with it just like he does. If he gets fired will you go and support the family?

No I haven't read the full thread!

Has he called to check on you?

I'm sorry you are ill. I hope it passes soon.

When your husband gets home, hand him the baby and explain that all you need is a bit of sympathy - easy and free to hand out and leads to a much more harmonious home life. It sounds like that uncaring work ethos has rubbed off on him a bit. Would it be worth discussing him looking to move to a more family friendly company?

Life is so tough when you have small children and you're ill.

My wage does support the family, more so than his does since I earn more 🙄