To think we’ve been brainwashed over Christmas.

[FabYuleLous]

I’ve noticed on MN, and in real life, that people get very upset if their Christmas does not resemble a supermarket advert with 20 people, all generations, around a massive feast, all having a super time.

Seriously, how many of us have families like this. If you got 20 family members round a table, would it really be like that.

I know if I got 20 round a table of our family, it would look like this: DB1 being in a mood, as his life hasn’t turned out like my other DB. Me crying in the kitchen as I’d been manipulated into hosting and doing all the work and expense. PIL being PA to me, no present and criticising the meal and SIL giving me filthy looks throughout. On top of this my DC moaning that we have loads of people round.

I don’t think I’m abnormal.

So, seriously. Why are are all buying into this 20 people round a table, with a Hogwarts spread, bullshit?

Just to add. This year I’ve actually gone to the trouble of reading up about our traditions and customs around Christmas, and learnt things I didn’t know. We celebrate it blindly, and don’t even know why we are doing things we do.

But most people's Christmasses are nothing to do with the religious aspect.

I quite like the idea of a big family Christmas but we just don't have the numbers or they live overseas.

I've definitely noticed in the past maybe five years, people striving for an 'insta Christmas' definitely. With all the different boxes, and breakfasts and matching PJ's and the works and I do sometimes wonder what things are like behind the scenes. A relative of mine spends the whole year paying off Christmas, just to get herself back into debt again for the next Christmas buying mountains of presents and doing elaborate things with the elf - bought a balloon this year for 'his arrival' and she always ends up fried with stress and not enjoying Christmas at all.

@Blueberrywitch well said!

OP wrote:

"So, seriously. Why are are all buying into this 20 people round a table, with a Hogwarts spread, bullshit?"

We are not all buying into this.

We are a small family unit with no young children and no close family left alive. We have chosen not to do anything much about Christmas for years, now. It suits all of us.

You do not have to "buy into" the lavish festivities portrayed in Christmas adverts and the media.

I see dispiriting threads on MN where the OP lists how many presents they have bought or how many Christmas activities they have already done with their kids, asking - "Have I done enough?"

"Enough" according to whose criteria and according to whose pocket?

As kids, we had simple Christmases; trees and decorations did not go up until a few days before Christmas Day. There were carol concerts, school and church events and maybe a panto or ballet.

Now it often seems a depressing contest that kicks off on 1 December to see who can fit in the most "Christmas memories" - plus the Polar breakfasts, the Christmas Eve boxes, the matching PJs for the entire family, the Christmas bedding, the "Reindeer experience"...

You do not have to buy into any of this.

Who gains from this frenzy of competitive and expensive "memory making"?

John Lewis, Waitrose, Tesco, Sainsburys, Amazon et al.

As NibbledSwitch has said:

"It's all fucking madness!"

OP wrote:

"We celebrate it blindly, and don’t even know why we are doing things we do."

It's a tad patronising to assume that all of us don't know why we are "doing things". There are people on MN who will be old enough to recall what Christmases were like in the 50s, 60s and 70s.

Thing is, OP was inviting that with her comments about bullshit and lack of understanding. It was actually a rather unpleasant way to frame the point. If she'd said there is too much commercialisation of Christmas and people are made to feel shit if theirs doesn't look a certain way, which is a bad thing, that would've been fine.

I'm not 'buying into' anything. We've always done the big family Christmas and I can't recall one in nearly 50 years where there's been any aggro.

I'd be upset if most of my Christmasses looked like that 🤣.

An odd big one here or there but otherwise, I like to keep them quiet.

Yes I agree. I think it falls under the umbrella of a commercialised Christmas. There are many ways to celebrate Christmas. There are many old traditions that can be reignited.

Sadly my Christmas resolves around resentment that we are hosting my Mother again, I know it’s mean, but it involves driving out to get her, and it’s been for over 20 years, with maybe three years covers by siblings instead.
Older adult children argue, sometimes they are not happy with their presents, and they are just generally jealous of each other. Dinner can be hit or miss, and older ones arguing if we don’t keep to the regular Christmas menu.
Usually I’m exhausted through work, and too many Christmas commitments.
It’s stressful getting the presents, and unaffordable.
I haven’t even liked Christmas for years.

This. Another Christmas potentially means another tree, another wreath, table settings, decorations, presents, new cooking accessories, stockings, panto, over eating. Christmas is BIG money.

Oh i forgot the Elf on the shelf, X mas eve boxes, pajamas. It's hilarious really how we've been suckered into spending all this.

This

We don't do any of that, it is not mandatory

The only reason those ads have a giant table is so they can advertise their entire Christmas range at the same time. Normal tables would collapse and no one would be able to reach anything.

IME the Turkey never arrives golden and glistening on a plate and I've never heard anything new I know say the word "trimmings".

We are, as a matter of fact, going to be a group of 10 around a table but under no illusion that we need to be in cheesy jumpers and hats.

There’s so many mixed messages. You should have the perfect family Christmas UNLESS you have to go to in laws and it’s awful, then you need to just suck it up.

DH talks about the massive family Christmas days they had at his granny’s. People eating where they could find a seat. Dozens of them. What he doesn’t appreciate is before dinner all the men were in the pub, after dinner, all the men in the pub. Women left with all the cooking and children etc and then later on a drunk husband. My MIL HATED it but had to put up with it. Subsequently she hated Christmas and then made Christmas days we went to hers miserable.

My BIL/SIL usually have a very picture perfect Christmas with her family. We’ve been to them twice at his insistence and been made to feel very unwelcome. However I know he doesn’t like her family and they don’t like think much of him. He will always tell you how amazing and brilliant it was though.

If the Elf on a Shelf thing had been a thing when my child was young - I'm afraid it would have been fuck the fucking Elf.

I know what you mean.

Also, all of the Adverts saying "It's Christmas, eat all you can, feast on this, that and the next thing", then, come January, guilt tripping everyone into "Get to the gym, you fat bastards, you need a beach body now!" I'm like, what, you were telling me to stuff my face just last week!

Same. Christmas actually is more about gatherings for us. But different strokes etc.

Everyone does it differently. For us it is all about a multigenerational get together to celebrate family but then we don't have a huge family: there will be 8 of us, with the family who don't live with me and my children staying with us for several days. But if they were horrible to be around we wouldn't do that! Do whatever makes you happy.

As an only child from a broken home, some of these humble brags about your 25 person extended family blissful “chaotic” Christmas are a bit tone deaf, especially as a response to OPs thread. Congratulations, you actually have the hallmark Christmas Day! Not sure how that’s meant to make anyone feel better.

Nobody's bragging - they are just answering the OP. People shouldn't post threads asking for views (especially on AIBU) if all they want is nodding and agreement. Nobody is being nasty, they are just disagreeing with the OP's view that everyone is brainwashed, and giving their own experiences.

It's so true 🤣

It’s definitely a manipulative time of year and potentially hard on people who don’t have a traditional family set up of which there are many and which society doesn’t seem to acknowledge. I think as long as people realise we are being conditioned a little bit and don’t go mad and get into loads of debt chasing a fantasy. Personally I just pick and choose what elements to go with. There are no decorations up in my house and not sure there will be, or if there are it will be very minimal. I don’t send cards but graciously accept any given to me, if that’s what others want to do. I think Christmas is for young kids, who are still full of awe and wonder and who can’t buy things they want.

I do think winter in the UK would be bleak without Christmas in the middle. I love the lights and the carols and the time off and chance to reset. There’s something for everyone, we don’t all have to do everything.

Nobody's bragging

Oh they are

@Girasoli I wonder if that would be seen as ok if he were female though?

I recall years ago coming off and NHS nightshift and cooking a Christmas dinner for 12 people. Madness!

This year I am not doing it at all.

I feel it’s on par with the big multi generational summer holidays, like it’s expected that 3/4 generations of families all holiday together. Nip, I’m happy just the 5 of us over Christmas and the same on holiday.