To think we’ve been brainwashed over Christmas.

[FabYuleLous]

I’ve noticed on MN, and in real life, that people get very upset if their Christmas does not resemble a supermarket advert with 20 people, all generations, around a massive feast, all having a super time.

Seriously, how many of us have families like this. If you got 20 family members round a table, would it really be like that.

I know if I got 20 round a table of our family, it would look like this: DB1 being in a mood, as his life hasn’t turned out like my other DB. Me crying in the kitchen as I’d been manipulated into hosting and doing all the work and expense. PIL being PA to me, no present and criticising the meal and SIL giving me filthy looks throughout. On top of this my DC moaning that we have loads of people round.

I don’t think I’m abnormal.

So, seriously. Why are are all buying into this 20 people round a table, with a Hogwarts spread, bullshit?

Just to add. This year I’ve actually gone to the trouble of reading up about our traditions and customs around Christmas, and learnt things I didn’t know. We celebrate it blindly, and don’t even know why we are doing things we do.

Also I agree with pp that the narrative on MN seems to be that the best Christmas is to stay at home in your pyjamas and not go and visit extended family. And obviously that's absolutely fine if that's what makes you happy!

Congratulations on getting your first glimpse of the matrix - the more you look the more you'll realise that every single aspect of our lives is (to some extent) controlled by companies seeking to make profit from us. Be careful though, once you realise and become a cynic, there's no going back!

I voted YANBU because I agree with your sentiment, most families are definitely not like that though some people will absolutely sacrifice their actual happiness to maintain that image and ideal. But I don't think most people do expect that advert 'perfect' Christmas in reality, I actually find it refreshing to see on here how many people do Christmas their own way.

We have Christmas just us and its perfect to me. I am a sucker for a tradition though and feel they make the magic, in my family.

Nah. Thinks it’s your family. We will be 10 on Xmas day then 20 on Boxing Day. They are all lovely and pitch in so it’s lovely.

Well I love spending time with my family and I love hosting, and cooking, at any time of the year, so we do buy in to what you see on the adverts but I don't feel like the adverts have brainwashed me because we do it all year round

It's always been the same , spend loads of money on stuff and get enough food to last a month at least all for one day .Then spend months paying it off on the credit card

By doing this you will all have the "perfect" christmas that everyone else has .

One word "BOLLOCKS!" to that

TV is fake.

SM is fake.

Do whatever makes you happy.

I don’t think TV/SM is the problem.

It’s the family (usually mothers or MIL) who guilt trip people into doing stuff they don’t want to, just because ‘it’s Christmas’.

The threads have been full of mostly women who are dreading Christmas because they’ve been manipulated into doing something they don’t want to do.
I think this is a much bigger issue than the TV adverts.

I've never felt pressure to do anything. Last yeah just me and my kids and DH same this year. I'll see my family over the period but the day is mine and no one has ever really cared what we do. Love my family and did a 20 people one the Xmas before lockdown so not against it, fancied it that year but don't always

Sounds like my idea of hell .

You shouldn’t be putting Christmas on a credit card. Why are you getting into debt for one day?

I did do an assembly at school about what a ‘real’ Christmas looks like.

Some people have large families with lots of food and presents but most live with 1 parent or no siblings.
Many will not have large amounts of food or presents.

Some open their presents first thing in their PJs, some have to dress up and wait until a certain time in the afternoon.

Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to do it but it’s important not to guilt trip others for the way they do theirs.

My Granny used to host 19 every year. It was amazing and she was (still) the best cook I've ever known. She seemed to make it all come together effortlessly - choice of two soups, whole turkey and all the trimmings and a pudding. They were great days and I feel sorry my son doesn't have that. But that's what I was always used to. I haven't been brainwashed by advertising - it's just something a lot of people do or did have.

One of the responses to difficult times is to make more of celebrations, holidays etc, and in general there has been the upscaling of such events (think stag/hen weekends or weeks away instead of a night out as an example). Christmas is no exception, on top of the last two where they were restricted or people could not travel to be together.

There will be 9 around our table, maybe 11 if elderly grandparents decide to come. My parents, my sister and her boyfriend, one of my oldest friends and her son and me with my 2 kids. My sis wants to do all the cooking as she loves cooking! We all get on great and will have a lovely time in sure ☺️
My husband, on the other hand, is working nights in A&E over Christmas so we are visiting his parents this week and even getting and early Christmas dinner and some presents too. Of course, many adverts don't show the staff on the Nightshift on Christmas day but it's just one of those things. My kids are young anyway and we'll have many more together!

We've recently moved to the same city as the inlaws. Dd wanted the big family Christmas, I have put my foot down and said no - there are so many tensions in the family, bickering over whatsapp - it sometimes feels like we're in an episode of Eastenders - no way I want that scene played out in my house any day nevermind at Christmas.
I grew up with horrific Christmas Days - alcoholic parents, tensions, arguments - so my idea of a perfect Christmas is low key, no fuss and no relatives. I'd cancel the event if I could and I have tried but dh and the kids objected.🙄

I think what OP means is it's silly to compare how Christmas is for us to the idealised version but as we know that's always the case. I believe at Christmas you should make an effort to see family even if you don't get on. Night not be everyone's view and yes it might be awkward if you do it but for me I would feel bad if I didn't at least try to see them and wish them a merry Christmas. Doesn't mean I'd slave all day to cater for them all at once, mind. I think most families have their own traditions and ways of doing Christmas and yes a lot of the time it won't look like the adverts but behind the adverts and most people's ways are just simply showing good will to one another.

Lovely people who you like and enjoy their company and are helpful guests are your idea of hell?

7 for dinner this year, sometimes it's just 5 and last year it was only me and ds. I have never felt hard done by due to numbers - frankly the smaller the better for me personally. No brainwashing. I'm sorry your in laws are dicks.

First year just me and the other half, I am half looking forward to it and just grazing and shit tv, but the other half of me really misses the big family Christmases we had, relaxed, happy and chaotic.

So much depends on personality. I'm an introvert and the forced get-togethers with my ex-husbands full and extended family usually became way too much after just a few hours, let alone the 3-5 days it usually took. I used to hide in the bathroom for half an hour at a time just to get some peace.

My mother was toxic, father absent, so any Christmases even with my awesome grandparents was marred by that.

I've now had a few years either by myself or with just my children and it has been bliss! Even my teen prefers it now, because there is so much less pressure.

Wake up whenever, open presents, relax until lunchtime, the bird doesn't take more prep work than any dinner, really, other than actual cooking time. Maybe a walk, but not forced out in all weather conditions over muddy fields as we used to have to. Playing board games, not being forced into conversation with people who secretly backstabbed each other at every opportunity. Hot chocolate, a nice film, bed.

It's my ideal Christmas now, but then I have also given up watching live TV, so don't constantly get bombarded with stupidly false adverts.

12 of us for Christmas this year at my BIL and SIL including my DM and my in-laws. Sometimes there are more of us, sometimes less and we take it in turns to host. I love it. I love the excess and the giving and receiving of gifts. Everything Mumsnet seems to hate! We are not extravagant people but at Christmas we enjoy of what we fancy.

We have Christmas just the four of us - me, DH and our kids - and it's lovely. We have had the one-offs with my family abroad which is 14 people around the table, which was lovely because it wasn't massively overproduced, we'd all pitched in on the preparation and ditto the cleanup, we all like each other and enjoy sharing meals together, the kids get on like a house on fire. So while I do enjoy our cosy little Christmases, I do also sometimes feel a pang of envy for those who have the big thing every year.

Our teens say it’s too quiet when it’s just us. Lovely hanging out as a family during the holidays but Christmas Day I love it being more lively.

On the adverts there is everyone all perfectly groomed sat at a table groaning with food, so much food that there is no room left on the table for the plates and cutlery.
Dad stood there in his Xmas jumper with an inane grin about to carve the massive turkey, and mum stood there immaculately turned out, also grinning like a loon with a glass of fizz.

In my house I would be stood there covered with god knows what from cooking, hair stood up on end, make up sliding down my face while shouting can someone get the bloody dogs off the bloody turkey!
What, you've broken it already? Fgs!
Mother, will you stop giving the kids chocolate! Too late, they're throwing up all over the tree fgs!
No dad, I don't want another can just yet thanks, oh god, he's pissed fgs!
Etcetera.

Hence I will never, ever host.

Same Transfer. I had big family Christmases as a child and teen and loved it some of my happiest memories.