Are we secretly communicating through social media or am I nuts?

[Letstakeitbacktothenineties]

Ok, so this is quite hard to explain/understand maybe, but I know I’m not imagining it 🙈
Used to go out with a guy when in my teens, lived in the same area, had the same friends etc. I moved away, he moved away..and so life goes.
around ten years ago, we connected on Fb and began chatting, I was with someone at the time, he wasn’t. We chatted as friends but had the most incredible connection, I’d look forward to hearing from him, he was so interesting, clever, funny etc and there was just something so strong between us. I live abroad and regularly went back to our home town, as did he. He asked to meet up many times (as friends) I really wanted to but ending up backing out due to my partner at the time. He wasn’t happy I don’t think and we stopped contact for ages. He’d occasionally contact me, every couple of years and I’d feel over the moon about it but was never in a position to meet up as by that stage I was pregnant and scared it would be more than friends. He ended up meeting someone (I could see from his social media) and he moved abroad and got married, I felt pretty devastated and didn’t want to see pics etc so unfriended him on Fb etc. I did a sneaky look on Instagram a few times (he had profile open) but then he put on private, mine was open at times and then on private.
Now for the crazy sounding part…when I’ve had mine open for a while, his is then open not long after. When I put mine back on private, his is then put back on private. I put mine on private for a long time (due to pics of Dd) when I put it open, a few days later he was gone..on Instagram and Fb and had blocked me (friend is still able to see him) and so this pattern continues sometimes. My point is that after every time I’ve put it on public so he can see my pics..a few days later he does something with his account.
I realise this sounds weird and as though I’m reading too much into things..but I really don’t think I am, am I?!

Look, he tried chasing you when you had a partner and wanted to meet up for sex.
He doesn’t sound great.

He gave up and blocked you when that wasn’t happening and found love, got married.
He occasionally peeks at your online profile, just as a lot of people do out of curiosity.

This isn’t a love story.

I think if you stopped your fantasy, you could meet someone in real life and have a fulfilling relationship. X

@SmileyClare He didn’t want to meet up
just for sex, he wanted a relationship

That’s the response a 14 year old would give 😂

I don’t think he’s trying to send you secret online signals that he’s now divorced and wants to leave his life and career abroad and relocate to have a relationship with you.

It might make a good plot for a cheesy American film.

Haha yes it’s like the plot of a channel 5 afternoon made for TV movie.

The thing about being a “sour humourless ugly middle aged trout” is that you don’t think the world is like a self-published sub-twilight book series. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely if he wanted to send you a message at 35 years of age he would you know actually send you a message! I can't believe you are still over analysing this after 7 pages of people telling you you are nuts!!!

Friend request him or message him! Otherwise you will always be wondering!

Just message him, you've got nothing to lose. It's just a message, not a phonecall where it might get awkward.
You can ask him how he is and say you're good, live alone with your daughter or something like that to let him know you're single. What's the worst thing that can happen? He won't reply? At least you tried. He's married? You suspect that's the case anyway. If nothing else it may give you a closure.

This is like that thread at the beginning of lockdown where someone thought that they locked eyes in a meaningful way with someone in a multi-person meeting on Teams.

You are nuts to think this is a secret way of communicating
It is a clear way - he is showing he has no interest, please stop being delusional

Don't think he's secretly communicating with you, but you seem quite invested. Message him. That's the only way to know for sure.

But you said he was contacting you to meet up whilst you were in a relationship and when you declined he "wasnt happy". Trying to meet up with an ex girlfriend when you know she's with someone else/pregnant and then not being happy when its declined doesnt make him sound like a decent guy- it makes him sound completely lacking in empathy and frankly, a bit of a sleaze. What kind of man pursues a woman he knows isnt available and then gets pissy when she says no and so blocks her?

He sounds like an absolute dick to me.

This is what I was thinking.

OP I read about a woman who believed her crush was communicating with her this way, she really wasn't well. It's similar to conspiracy thinking, noticing "patterns" that are really just benign. Maybe reach out to him if you're interested in him now, it sounds like you might be? But I would try to forget about the social media changes. I do think it's a coincidence.

@LanternGhost But why does my best friend agree? A very practical, sensible person, I started to show her each time and she no agrees (at first didn’t know what I was going on about!) Are we both losing it

Probably humouring you in the hope you'd stop bleating on about it.

Because it's generally difficult for your friends to tell you you're acting like a crazy person.
So they pander to you because they don't want to upset you.

It's meant kindly (or at the very least it's meant to avoid an argument) but it's really unhelpful. Sometimes we need honesty from our friends to stop us making almighty fools of ourselves.

@IncompleteSenten She's def not the kind to do that, she’d tell me I was being a dick and was delusional!

@Whattodo182 Wouldn't be much of a friend, my friends aren’t like that 🤷🏻‍♀️Plus I haven’t gone on about it loads

Would you believe her?

Having read all the replies and seen how it comes across from outside the situation, do you still think this man is using his sm settings to signal to you and do you have any theory why he would do that instead of simply messaging you a friendly greeting?

@IncompleteSenten I’d believe it obviously if she showed me as I have her, she’s seen it and thinks far too much of a coincidence and something is off. She also thinks it’s weird he’s doing it.
I don’t think he’d message as it’s too awkward, I don’t think he knows I’m single, he could still be married, plus I unfriended him when he got married etc

I’m not really sure why you asked then, as it seems you are convinced that he’s in love with you and is changing his instagram settings to send you a secret message and that’s only what you want to hear 🤷‍♀️

Yes 445 people voted you are being unreasonable = you are fucking crazy but your friend agrees with u so obviously you are right