Are we secretly communicating through social media or am I nuts?

[Letstakeitbacktothenineties]

Ok, so this is quite hard to explain/understand maybe, but I know I’m not imagining it 🙈
Used to go out with a guy when in my teens, lived in the same area, had the same friends etc. I moved away, he moved away..and so life goes.
around ten years ago, we connected on Fb and began chatting, I was with someone at the time, he wasn’t. We chatted as friends but had the most incredible connection, I’d look forward to hearing from him, he was so interesting, clever, funny etc and there was just something so strong between us. I live abroad and regularly went back to our home town, as did he. He asked to meet up many times (as friends) I really wanted to but ending up backing out due to my partner at the time. He wasn’t happy I don’t think and we stopped contact for ages. He’d occasionally contact me, every couple of years and I’d feel over the moon about it but was never in a position to meet up as by that stage I was pregnant and scared it would be more than friends. He ended up meeting someone (I could see from his social media) and he moved abroad and got married, I felt pretty devastated and didn’t want to see pics etc so unfriended him on Fb etc. I did a sneaky look on Instagram a few times (he had profile open) but then he put on private, mine was open at times and then on private.
Now for the crazy sounding part…when I’ve had mine open for a while, his is then open not long after. When I put mine back on private, his is then put back on private. I put mine on private for a long time (due to pics of Dd) when I put it open, a few days later he was gone..on Instagram and Fb and had blocked me (friend is still able to see him) and so this pattern continues sometimes. My point is that after every time I’ve put it on public so he can see my pics..a few days later he does something with his account.
I realise this sounds weird and as though I’m reading too much into things..but I really don’t think I am, am I?!

Just message him OP! What have you got to lose?

This sounds like Limerence to me

@OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa I’m single

Oh you are single, just bloody message him then!! If you message and include asking about his wife/family you'll find out if he's still married, if he is you stop this. Polite reply, block, move on.

Limerence is stalking when the stalker is female right?

He's a stalker.

She's got/in/has limerence.

Friend him again on social media and start chatting. Or block him completely and move on. Just remember that you don't actually know him as an adult.

@IncompleteSenten I don’t have/am in limerance

Say like it *Was all true and we were both single…would that have been a weird thing for him to do..and me? 🙈🤣if it’s true, are we both weirdos and would be best to not even go there anyway? He really wasn’t a weirdo though and I’m really not

This is unhinged, if it's true v immature behaviour from both of you. Just have a chat like adults ffs.

@catfunk To say it’s unhinged sounds v over the top though

No, constantly checking an old ex's social media and thinking he's sending you signals IS unhinged. If you're that bothered just call him. Like a grown up.

Ps your thread title literally says 'or am I nuts' yet when most people agree with that it's OTT....

So you constantly switch your profile from public to private, and seemingly so does he.

It's a coincidence, and giving it this much thought is indeed bordering on unhinged.

No it doesn’t- that’s exactly what it is and many people on this thread agree.

I think you are looking for some excitement and you are checking his profiles far more often than you would ever admit to even notice if he is public/private/blocked you etc. Why not focus on real life instead of a fantasy game that you have made up in your head.

I just knew the comments on this would be harsh 🙈 I think if your original post had said you were single again they might not be so harsh. Yes it could be on purpose but it could also be for any other reason too, if he’s putting it on private from someone else instead. I posted on here after randomly bumping into an ex who I had just sort of drifted away from, there was never a big fall out but we spent so much time talking on the phone over the years and he had been like my best friend. I have a husband and a child and I’m very happy with my life but somehow randomly bumping into him threw me a bit. He was still single and had said jokingly it could have been us. The conversation was really short but after he left I was randomly desperate for him to message. Each day after it I found myself looking at my phone and wishing he had. I posted on here asking if I should message him as friends just to say it was nice to have bumped into him. Everyone said no. I did anyway 🤦🏼‍♀️ Long story short it wasn’t some big exciting thing like I imagined, his chat actually wasn’t all that great and I ended up not replying. Very happy with my life now! Everything happens for a reason and life has a funny way of working itself out! If you want to get it out your system just message him once and for all, what have you got to lose? Worst case scenario he’s married, just block him and don’t unblock again. I think you’re better never seeing or bumping into these people again

Is it obvious from your social
Media pages that you are single?

Youre behaving like a giggling teenager fantasising over someone you haven’t seen since you were 16 years old.

As advised, message ask if he’s single and if yes ask if he wants to meet up when iin the country.

I doubt you’ll have the incredible connection you imagine. You haven’t seen him since you were a child.

If he’s not single, stop entertaining this fantasy and fannying about on his social media profiles.

Sorry to be blunt but I’m cringing reading this 😬

I don’t think I have the guts to message and ask if he’s single

@rosemarysalter I’m not sure really as I’ve never been one to post lovey dovey shots when we were together. It’s mainly of places/travel and Dd

If it was true that he was trying to communicate with you via his privacy settings on social media (and it's a big if) then I would find it pretty immature - and therefore unattractive - behaviour for someone in their mid 30s. As someone also in their mid 30s, I a) find it much more attractive when a guy knows and goes after what he wants, and b) can't be bothered with game playing.

You seem like you want to pursue this anyway though. Unless you want to spend the next few years checking his profile, send him a message. What do you have to lose?

@Calphurnia88 I can only think he’s probably still with his wife? 🤷🏻‍♀️Or he’s not but thinks I’m still with ex partner, if he’s doing it

Ok OP, for arguments sake, let's say yes, this is actually playing out the way you think it is: every time you set your profile to public so does he.

He's checking you out, you're checking him out.

Now what? What else do you want from this situation?

Think on that, then act on it, but for your own sanity and peace of mind get off the hamster wheel.

You've just said it yourself, all you can do is think.

A few posters have suggested you message him to ask if he is around at Christmas to meet for a drink. If he says yes, great. If he doesn't reply, or declines, then you still have an answer (just not the one you want).

OP it absolutely could be that you're not imagining this. You clearly have a spark between you and he probably feels it too. It's normal to fantasize about the one that got away as a distraction from the drudgery of real life. This guy probably is clever and funny but that doesn't mean he's not lazy in bed, or a bit of a slob or tight with money or any of the other annoying things you find out about someone when you're actually in a LTR relationship with them. It's fine to have a bit of a daydream about him but be realistic about what it really is and the fact it's not actually going anywhere. Don't let it become too much of a focus as it's not reality.