Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting with my dying dad - this is so unfair

283 replies

thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:41

Just that - it’s so cruel. My mum and I just have to sit here and wait for everything to fail. He was given 24-48 hours yesterday. It’s torture.

OP posts:
HarlanPepper · 17/12/2022 06:10

I was sitting in that chair this time last year. I know how hard it is. Solidarity to you, I feel sure your dad will be comforted that you are at his side and in time, knowing you were there with him will be a comfort to you too x

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 17/12/2022 06:13

Bless you, so sorry my thoughts are with you.

Rosti1981 · 17/12/2022 06:18

Sending love on this very difficult day.

VillanellesCoat · 17/12/2022 06:21

Woke up thinking about you @thegreenlight & hope you’re holding up xx

LadyHarmby · 17/12/2022 06:24

I would really love to hear the Kilimanjaro story if you’d like to share it.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 17/12/2022 06:26

VillanellesCoat Thankyou for thinking of us x very tired and dad seems to be holding on when we just want him to be at peace. I think this is going to go on for longer than we anticipated. Time to make a plan about today. I have a 5 year old and a 9 year old at home with DH. We were meant to be seeing Father Christmas today. I just don’t want dad to open his eyes and no one be here to comfort him.

OP posts:
wintertime9 · 17/12/2022 06:39

OP sometimes your loved ones wait for you to leave to pass. Thinking of you and sending you and your mum love.

panko · 17/12/2022 06:45

wintertime9 · 17/12/2022 06:39

OP sometimes your loved ones wait for you to leave to pass. Thinking of you and sending you and your mum love.

Yes. I would be prepared for the chance that this is what will happen.

Msgrieves · 17/12/2022 06:48

It's the absolute worst, so sorry.

HarlanPepper · 17/12/2022 06:49

@thegreenlight my mum and I took shifts when my dad was dying. We were both there all the first night, and then after that, I sat with him during the nights (and sometimes slept on two chairs pushed together!) she did the days. Might be something worth considering.

VillanellesCoat · 17/12/2022 06:51

I found that the worst, I think… having to deal with normal life things while this huge overwhelming life event was happening. Whatever you choose to do today, know it will be the right thing and don’t beat yourself up about whatever occurs xx

FlorrieFosdyke · 17/12/2022 07:03

Just adding to reiterate what a PP has said that it is common for some people to wait until they are alone to die (I used to work in a hospice).

Don't feel bad if this is the case, it would be your DDad's choice.

Sending strength to you and your mum. Such a hard thing to go through.

loislovesstewie · 17/12/2022 07:12

I can offer you no words of comfort, but it's clear that your dad is very much loved and also very loving. In the days to come please hold on to that. In the great scheme of things that is what matters.I'm sending you my love and a hug.

pilates · 17/12/2022 07:17

I am so sorry op. It sounds like he was a wonderful father and you had a great relationship. I hope you can take a little comfort from that. 💐

Screwedupworld · 17/12/2022 07:22

He sounds like an amazing man, husband and father. Your wonderful memories will be the one thing that gets you through. Sending you much love and support. Will be thinking of you today. X

Raindancer411 · 17/12/2022 07:26

A hand hold, I have been there too. It's not easy. Sending lots of hugs. You got me in tears now.

Wilkolampshade · 17/12/2022 07:38

Ah OP.
He sounds amazing. When you're ready, when you can, come back and tell us all about him.
Xx

helpfulperson · 17/12/2022 07:50

I agree with others who have said often they wait until alone. We said to my Dad that we loved him but it was time for him to go now and we went home. We got a call a couple of hours later.

keepcalm11 · 17/12/2022 07:51

Thinking of you today @thegreenlight

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/12/2022 07:57

Stay strong. I’ve sat in that chair OP, I vividly remember thinking to myself this is truly what hell on Earth is.

The Best advice I was given was to look after myself because it can go on for a while. I hope it’s sooner rather than later for you all.

SuspiciousBanana · 17/12/2022 07:57

I know exactly what you’re going through OP. Sending you lots of love. Stay strong.

KimberleyClark · 17/12/2022 08:14

I am so sorry. I was in this situation at this time of year 44 years ago. Hugs and handhold to you.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 17/12/2022 08:25

My sister & I were doing the same as you this year. Sending love & hugs, and a handhold.

Seeing the happiness of all around you as they carry on their normal lives whilst you’re in this profound bubble of so many emotions is so strange. It’s ok to take time for yourself like posting on here, those of us who have been sat where you are understand completely.

LittleMissPeggySue · 17/12/2022 08:31

I'm so sorry, I've been in this place. It also just happened to be the same day as my parents 55th wedding anniversary and seeing my mum sitting with him in those final hours was heartbreaking. He finally passed in the early hours of the following morning, with my eldest brother by his side. My dad was my hero too.

Be kind to yourself over the next few days and weeks. Sending you all the love xxx

MrsMurphyIWish · 17/12/2022 08:32

sending much strength.

I lost my father in 2010. Had a call at work from hospice at work to say his passing would be imminent so rushed to be with him. Amazingly he held on for another 5 days and like others poster said, slipped away in the middle of the night when he was alone.

A few days later I found out I was pregnant with DD. I never really believed in fate/a higher power until then.

Swipe left for the next trending thread