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Original poster

Sitting with my dying dad - this is so unfair

283 replies

thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:41

Just that - it’s so cruel. My mum and I just have to sit here and wait for everything to fail. He was given 24-48 hours yesterday. It’s torture.

OP posts:
Original poster
thegreenlight · 17/12/2022 20:51

He still muttering his little phrases ‘oh dear’ and ‘mmmmm’ in agreement. It’s my dad’s voice in a very tired and gaunt body. I hope I get one more ‘sweetheart’ before he isn’t able to any more.

OP posts:
saturnisturning · 17/12/2022 21:03

Sending love again OP.

youre a fantastic daughter

Falalalallamadahdahdahdah · 17/12/2022 21:34

So sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad over a decade ago and I still sometimes forget he is gone.

When my grandma was dying and at that point unresponsive, a lay preacher came from the Chaplin she was lovely and started asking us things like 'what would she say if she woke up now and saw you all here?' She had a lovely way of bringing us together and we ended up remembering old stories and laughing as a family around her bed. It was really beautiful looking back and there is no greater honour than to be surrounded by your loving family remembering what makes you special as you leave this earth.

VillanellesCoat · 17/12/2022 21:35

Still thinking of you & sending love & strength xx

Slidingonice · 17/12/2022 21:36

Bless you all. Sending strength. x

littlemissalwaystired · 17/12/2022 21:38

I am so sorry you're having to go through this, I can't imagine how you're feeling. Wishing you and your family so much love and strength and praying your dad has a gentle time. ❤️

panko · 17/12/2022 21:39

Sending more strength

Blossomtoes · 17/12/2022 21:48

Awful though this is, you’ll be so glad you did it @thegreenlight. You must both be so tired. Look after one another. 💐

redastherose · 17/12/2022 22:39

Sending hugs, lots of mumsnetters thinking of you tonight.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/12/2022 23:11

thegreenlight · 17/12/2022 20:48

He’s still hanging on. Getting weaker and less responsive. Another night here for us. Thankyou so so much everyone. You’re keeping me going - mum and I are in matching pajamas - it’s like the world’s saddest slumber party. He’s still giving our hands little squeezes.

I'm tearfully remembering the last days my mum and I spent with my dear aunt in hospital before she passed in '17. My cousin, her son who lived with her, took her to hospital for a bloated and painful belly. My mum and I were called around 9pm by him saying him mum was going into surgery. We arrived just in time to see her in pre-op and my cousin went home to care for his dog. (He was oblivious and in denial). So, my mum and I stayed all night and were the ones to speak to the surgeons. Turned out she had late stage Crohn's and colon cancer, undiagnosed. Surgeons packed her belly, put her on life support and she went into ICU while they worked out a plan. I knew she wasn't going to make it even though they took her back to surgery the next day. She regained consciousness for a brief few minutes and looked right at me when I told her to hang on just a little longer until her daughter arrived (lives in a very remote area and was driving 10+ hours). My aunt's last words were simply, Ok. My cousin arrived in time. Sitting with my aunt, caring for her by holding her hand, reassuring her she wasn't alone, washing her with warm wet cloths and sharing family stories/memories made a difference. I am sure of it. I know your dad is so grateful for you and your mum at his side. I know how painful it is as well. God bless you.

kateandme · 18/12/2022 00:41

Every mumble is a "sweatheart" every mumble every breathe he's saying it to you luv.and in your heart you'll continue to hear it forever.

YankeeDad · 18/12/2022 10:12

@thegreenlight I have not RTFT, only your own posts, but just wanted to say that you and your family, by simply being present through your father’s dying process, are giving him the most incredible gift. And also that while you will miss him, some of his strength and character will live on in you.

mothertrucking · 18/12/2022 13:02

Just wanted to send you a hug.

Edinlassy · 18/12/2022 13:04

Sending love xx

ArabellaScott · 18/12/2022 13:21

❤

Maya678 · 21/12/2022 10:55

Thinking of you all OP

SofiaSoFar · 21/12/2022 14:58

Hope you're ok, OP.

I was thinking about you and your family again earlier as I spoke to a friend is going through something similar.

Flowers
Original poster
thegreenlight · 21/12/2022 19:23

Thankyou all for the support x my beautiful, caring, funny dad passed away this morning at 2:00am. I wasn’t with him but my mum was. He didn’t go easily and my mum is distraught. Now to get used to a world without him in it.

OP posts:
Teafor1please · 21/12/2022 19:26

It's so hard when they've not died 'well'. When my mum died in crappy circumstances, I quite brutally told myself over and over 'she is dead now so she doesn't know'.
I'm really, really sorry. Sending love to you and your mum.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/12/2022 19:26

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

Octopus45 · 21/12/2022 19:27

I'm so sorry. Its so hard when their end isn't good, my Mum's wasn't and it was hard to get past. Be gentle with yourself. Love to you and your Mum.

Anapana · 21/12/2022 19:28

So sorry for your loss x

Highfivemum · 21/12/2022 20:36

I am so so sorry for your families loss. In time your happy memories will start to take over form the sad ones. He sounds a lovely Dad and you a lovely daughter. My thoughts are with you at this hard time.

BethiaC · 21/12/2022 21:06

So sorry to hear this. Sending kind thoughts and a hug.

Zonder · 21/12/2022 21:23

So sorry for your loss x

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