Would You Judge Me Over Table Manners?

[TheShellBeach]

I eat with my fork in my right hand and my knife in my left hand.

I have always done this. I am not left-handed and have lost count of the number of people who have asked me if I am. It just feels easier for me. DH is the same.

Seriously - would you judge me and think I had bad table manners over this? AIBU to think people should use their cutlery whichever way round is comfortable?

Why should the learning take longer and be more unnaturally though?

Why does it matter?

I'd just assume you were just left handed.

They don't have to though. They make a left handed violin. There is no need for them to if they prefer using the left handed version. The world has adapted.

I wouldn’t judge.

I started doing this when my left shoulder froze and I couldn’t lift a fork. Had dinner at neighbours this week and I was relieved to use chopsticks

Yes I would judge I’m afraid, I don’t know why but I always notice people holding their cutlery wrong and it makes me cringe a bit. It just feels like laziness - “oh well it’s more comfortable for me” - only because you’ve allowed yourself to get used to it like that. Just learn how to do it properly and it becomes second nature. I constantly correct my DS.

also, like it or not, people do get judged on their manners in the workplace. A law firm I used to work for used to hold graduate assessment days which included a sit down lunch - table manners might not have been formally scored but they were observed as part of the whole day.

But how would this work with cultural differences? Do you judge someone for following their own cultural conventions? Are you aware of other conventions and therefore only judge people when they break their own conventions?

@RogersOrganismicProcess i don’t know of anywhere where the cultural convention is to hold your knife in your left hand and fork in the right, so no? I do know plenty of people from cultures where you mainly eat with your hands, but none of them would do that in a UK restaurant.

I wouldn't judge this to be bad manners.

However, I have two friends (separate households) who both lick their knife. One does long, deliberate licks on both sides of the knife to 'clean' it. Turns my stomach every flipping time.

I didn't realise how offensive I was being by my tendency to chop everything up and then eat it one handed with my fork. I don't think I'm a shoveller in terms of speed / amount. It's driven by the fact my hands are always fookin freezing and that way I can sit on one to keep it warm!!

Well the Turkish culture is one example where it is polite to hold the fork in the right hand and knife in the left. It links back to Islam and the right hand being clean.

Yes I’d judge you.
I also have always done the same and don’t know why, despite being moaned at by my family and having it pointed out by numerous people over the years.
I’d judge you as my kind of person and we’d be friends.

It takes a lot more to be friends, that’s kinda creepy

As long as you ate 'normally' just with them other way around I wouldn't think it was bad manners.

I'd almost definitely notice though, especially if I were sitting opposite, because then it's a mirror image.

My adult DS does this (he’s not left handed etc) as does his DS my DGS who is left handed. My other DGS and my DIL eat with fork in left hand, knife in right.

@Robostripes - you are completely correct. Table manners is one of those things noted, but not discussed. It is very noticeable when people have not been taught them and is an effective marker of background.

I do the same OP and am not left handed...I've not been ousted from any dining tables yet for being an oaf so think we are ok

It takes a lot more to be friends, that’s kinda creepy

Oh give over ffs I thought it would be obvious that was a light hearted, solidarity post. This place sometime 🙄🙄

Re musical instruments, in general I think you start learning them young enough that it doesn't make much difference. Most woodwind instruments don't particularly favour either hand anyway, and while left-handed cornets do exist, I've only ever seen them played by somebody who physically can't use their right hand.

Most instruments would be very expensive to make the other way around and in some cases it would be impossible — you're never going to get a reversed piano for example.

Interesting, I wonder which ‘background’ you pace most value on? Which ‘background’ of people are most worthy of employment/sharing a meal with?

Who says that left handed people are holding their cutlery incorrectly? Who laid down the "rules"?
Why would you force someone to eat a steak for example and use their knife in the non dominant hand?

I just don't view eating with the knife in the left hand and the fork in the right hand as bad manners, and yes I do think that this is an outdated view that should have been left in the 19th century. And I say this as a right handed person. How many people sit at trestle tables these days and nudge each other while eating?

Why should we left handed do things like right handed people just to please those who hold no common sense as to what good manners is really all about?

I totally agree with you @vivainsomnia

You're just learning how to eat properly with a knife and fork.

But it is properly, just in opposite hands. Who are the anti left handed police?

The lefthandedism on this thread is unbelievable.

I do the same and only one person has ever mentioned it …. a friends mum who said she was surprised my parents didn’t ‘train me’ out of it 🤷🏼‍♀️

@RogersOrganismicProcess - it's an observation not an endorsement and if you think it doesn't happen, it does, from university onwards.

England has lots of codes. Table manners are one of them.

The fact I know this does not mean I think it is good, but it does mean I know it is something that is noticed.