Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

Good opportunity to show your daughter that it’s good to stick to healthy boundaries and that she does not have to keep bullies in her life. She now knows the bully wants to meet her, tell her it’s fine to say no and do it.

No way! Don't trust whatever that little B is up to.

No way on earth would I meet any of them, why on earth would you ffs! I wouldn’t bother replying either. Silence speaks volumes, hope your daughter is doing ok now

OP, just block her without responding. That's a powerful message 🤷🏻‍♀️

Totally agree with this.
I doubt she misses your dd but wants to reignite the bullying.
It has a name " hoovering"
Bully/ Narc abuses, abuser leaves, they "hoover" to try and re engage the victim.
Your instincts are right.
Don't even reply, just block her.

Do you think the mother knew?
My DD has just got a 'friendship' poem from a girl (framed and 'personalised')that has picked on her for years. She assumes her Mum made he include everyone. It is weird and actually upset my tough little DD quite a bit.

Says the former bully.

Do not minimise this. It IS bullying and it is cruel and damaging beyond belief.

No.

You're the grown up.

You are responsible for looking after your DD's wellbeing and you have done that admirably by moving her school and settling her in.

This child, her mother, their baggage and the projections of your friends are neither here nor there.

Keep going as you have been, don't get drawn into colluding with other people's nonsense at the expense of your DD.

You're doing brilliantly.

I would air the fuck out of that message.

Thanks but no thanks would be my reply. She would know why.

Be nice can fuck right off. The only people you need to be nice to is your daughter and yourself. You put yourselves first. It is not your job to assuage another person’s guilt.

Don’t forgive or forget - They could have supported you. They didn’t. Just let them go. They bring nothing positive to your life and you’re not a martyr.

Being the bigger person just means that you suck up the insults and slights. Your job is to be amazing for yourself and your family. You and your family come first in your lives. What is best for you?

Completely ignore all communications from bully's mother.

Even if she is genuine in her approach, it is not going to do your daughter any good. Sounds like she has moved on now, which is great. Don't drag it all up again.

I feel that most of use see our children through rose specs to an extent, with that type of personality this will be more extreme (imo) just keep off her radar and she'll give up
no doubt she deserves home truths etc, but they wont land, it will all be viewed through her lens, let her be someone elses problem!

I wouldn’t respond at all. Silence can enough of a response.

Can be enough of a response.

I wouldn't respond, I'd block the phone number as well just to save yourself the stress of possibly seeing any future messages from her being that you said she is a narcissist--they like to gaslight and guilt trip. Best wishes to you and your dd

Either that or keeping OP’s MLM peddling friend on side by buying from her. I know it sounds a leap but I wouldn’t trust the MLM friend either as involvement in MLM warps people’s loyalties and her localities will be whoever she can shift product to or recruit.

*loyalties not localities 🙄!

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'.
Your friend sounds like a flying monkey. Is she a parent and if so, is she in contact with the other parents?

I'd put this meet up on hold, maybe indefinitely! Don't say NO, just say not right now.

Your DD doesn't need her ex- BF getting at her again - sometimes bullies miss picking on people....

Def be wary esp as the ex-BFs mum is narcissistic...

Listen to your instincts, that dream was a subconscious warning/reminder of how she operates. Your friend is an idiot/naive/sucked in by bully's mother.

Congratulations on your reading comprehension.

You've got completely the wring end of the stick.

Clearly going to have to clarify that post.

I found that posters description of what (they thought) happened to ops dd to be massively massively minimising; and portaying something as not bullying.

The "have you met teenage girls?" Sarcastic comment was related to her massively minimising and incorrectly describing what happened.

@ShandaLear - I'm hoping you read my last comment, and were agreeing with me. Not thinking that those statements were my advice?!

It's difficult to tell on here sometimes.